#i have rewritten this wank scene like six times#and it gets worse every time#for crying out loud#i am a woman#i masturbate regularly#i'm not embarassed by it or anything#so why is it so fucking hard to write?#is it because you sort of lose yourself in it?#you're not paying attention to the actions or the feelings#you're just in the moment#that has to be it#but like#i can write sex scenes just fine#so what's the deal#maybe it's because with sex you're never completely in the moment#you're always thinking about how to please the other person as well as please yourself#but masturbation#it's just about you#you're not accountable to anybody or anything for what you're feeling#which is why it's so hard to recall specifics when trying to write a scene#wow#these tags took me to some unexpected places#self-reflection in a tag essay#this has been a weird day#all thanks to masturbation