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Clay / Rain

@flippingpancake / flippingpancake.tumblr.com

|| Abandoned woopsy || Sporadically active on toyhou.se ! || Still rebloggin' n occasionally ramblin' on @allseeingdirt ||
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reblogged

Obviously there are many things to dislike about adulthood but as someone who grew up in an abusive household for whom adulthood offered the only chance at an escape, it's incredibly important to me that i romanticize adulthood whenever possible because i know there are kids and teenagers like me out there who are seeing nothing but complaints about rent and taxes and the loneliness of living on your own and i know they're going to internalize all of that and assume it means that adulthood won't offer them the freedom and safety they've been dreaming of. So while i never want to minimize the difficulties of being an adult, i also want to highlight how incredibly nice it can be to finally have ownership of your life and your body and your time and money and food and everything else in a way that you never had before. You can choose when you wake up! You can choose what you have for breakfast! You can choose when to go to sleep or if you want to (inadvisably) stay up all night watching tv in the living room! In the living room! You can choose what to watch! These are little things, but they are worth taking pleasure in, and they are worth looking forward to.

Oh. Man. I'm in my 40s now, but can STILL remember the first apartment I lived in alone. The first week, I had nothing. NOTHING. I slept on the floor wrapped up in curtains, until a friend came to visit and was like "welp. This ain't keepin' on" and gave me a folding bed and a couple of blankets. There were part of it that were just... not fun. You know what I did, though? I made cookies. Because I wanted them, and nobody could keep me from using the kitchen. I got a cat, because nobody could tell me "no". I took long, hot bubble baths because the bathroom - and the bathtub - were MINE and nobody else's. I turned MY music up and danced around MY living room all day (but was aware of the family with children downstairs, so shut down the one person party before it got too late). I bought a cast-off couch for cheap and had friends help me bring it in, and sat on MY couch and sewed. And crocheted. And started to teach myself to knit. The only one there to tell me "no" was the kitten, and she loved playing with the yarn. There were things about it that were exceptionally hard. I was a pregnant single waitress truly struggling to pay bills and put food on the table. But that's not what stuck. What stayed with me, and what was important, was those little things that made being an adult worthwhile.

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cwicseolfor

You will get out and you will get free and it still rains, sometimes, but you get to decide whether to stay in or put up your umbrella or just let it pour down your face while you stomp puddles. You get to choose. It's not paradise, but it is, in the end, yours, which is such a relief. And all the things they say about the best of life being free - that's true. You will have happiness of your own making.

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swankivy
Anonymous asked:

Saw your reblog on an ace post about older aces. I apologize if this sounds creepy in any way, but I felt comforted by the fact there are older aces (I'm finishing uni & just started realizing some things) and the worries and pressures to settle down are felt by others and are not "in my head" (think I might be s** repulsed which made all the relationships with guys ultimately fail no matter how loving they were). So thank you for rebloging it and existing! Aces united!

No idea how old this ask is but as I posted yesterday, I’ve been out of touch on this blog. Thanks for sending this message.

I’m really happy that just existing for us older aces is an inspiration to the next generation. I’ve sometimes had people assume I must be unhappy with my life or accuse me of “trying to stay ace” to save face because of my public image, which is so ridiculous to me. I love that people twenty years younger than me feel like I represent hope for a future happy existence as an ace/aro person, but I’m not avoiding the expected relationships because of some weird reputation thing. But according to these people, I must be “resisting” settling down with someone romantically or avoiding an “admission” that the phase has passed--to look good for my younger followers and avoid looking like I made a mistake. But that’s not what’s happened at all. I’m a woman in her forties. I’m ace. I’m aro. I don’t regret anything, anything at all, about being those things, and am not lonely or confused. Whatsoever.

It really is baffling to me how many people STILL come for me after all these years--after they gloated preemptively and threatened me that they’d be there to say “I told you so” WHEN I meet a man, fall in love, and show up married with kids one day. (It’s always “a man” they envision me with. Surprise.) It didn’t happen, though I also didn’t say “I know for a fact it won’t.” (Being ace, aro, and non-relationship-desiring, I do not THINK those things will happen, but I never declared that I knew they couldn’t; labels exist to put on yourself when they describe you, and if they didn’t anymore, I’d stop using them and choose accurate ones.) But anyway, they told me I would change, and I didn’t. The most (frustratingly) fascinating thing about this is that now they’re saying the same things they said twenty years ago, but phrasing them as if they were vindicated! Trying to shove something in my face that isn’t true!

So you’re a sad mid-forties lady now. You’re alone. You’re barren. You have nothing. And now you’re realizing what a terrible mistake you made by rebuffing the men who wanted you in your youth. Bet you regret it now that you’re dried up and not pretty anymore and no man wants you. Bet you regret it now that you’re coming to the end of your childbearing years. Bet you cry yourself to sleep thinking about what could have been.

Sir? I don’t know how much you “bet” on this, but you have lost a lot of money.

My life has turned out EXACTLY how I wanted it to. I feel so fortunate that it’s the vision I had for myself since I was just getting started in the world. Teenage me would have been thrilled to hear how I turned out. It’s just so funny to me that people who think like the above believed sadness was so inevitable for me that they felt no qualms about writing it into my life story based on what THEY associate with singlehood, childlessness, unmarried middle-age womanhood. I write my story, sir. You aren’t even qualified to design the cover, especially if you refuse to read it before presuming to write its jacket copy.

Ace aro singlehood is something to celebrate like any other joyous, fulfilling orientation and lifestyle. I’ve been accused (even by some people “on my side”!) of talking about my satisfaction so much that by default I must be in denial, but how can I refuse a chance to verbalize this when I know we’re all hearing that quoted italics paragraph all around us? How can I turn down the opportunity to present something to counter a message like that, which is always going to be louder than anything I could ever say? How could my celebration be flipped into “the lady doth protest too much, methinks” when I know what my example represents to people who largely only have narratives of sadness, disappointment, longing, loneliness, and failure associated with their traits? 

Living how I want to isn’t a constructed counternarrative. It’s my life and it’s my truth. It is valid, and I say so frequently and loudly because we hear the opposite explicitly and implicitly from so many other sources for all of our lives. I would love for my choices and lifestyle to not have to be perceived as radical or as an intentional resistance, but against messages like the above, it defaults to being so. 

I am thrilled to be a part of shaping people’s understanding of ace/aro adulthood and middle age, presenting an alternative to seeing lives like mine as a threat, as something you “end up” as if you are unfortunate or difficult, as a worst case scenario--as if the worst thing a woman could be when she grows up is unmarried and childless (and of course this whole dynamic affects many people besides aces or aros or women). I am so happy to tell you that life here isn’t the disappointment they’re painting on your face so they can point at it and call you sad. 

They’re wrong about you now, and they’re just as wrong about your future.

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reblogged

Bruce: Go to your room!

Tim: I'm not a kid anymore! You can't just send me to my room.

Bruce: *looming* You are my child for as long as I'm able up pick you up and carry you there myself.

Jason, sitting off to the side and enjoying not being the one in trouble for once: Bruce, you can pick up over 400 lbs...

Bruce, with a yelling Tim slung over his shoulder: And?

Bonus:

Bruce comes back and just picks up Jason in all his 200+ lbs with ease: Don't think I didn't know about that explosion on the East End. You're grounded too.

Jason, wanting to argue but remembering Bruce's words about 'my kid for as long as I'm able to pick you up': ..... Tt, whatever old man.

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