Welcome

ill be honest, i was a little upset with ashley/kaiden in me3 when they're still doubting you. i know they have perfectly legitimate reasons, but it still stung. i could rationalize it in me2, it IS really suspicious for shep to just SHOW UP out of nowhere with cerberus no less, but i wish they had worked through some stuff in the downtime between me2 and me3. it should have been clear where shep's loyalties were when they turned against the illusive man and turned themselves in to the alliance. if ashley/kaiden had doubts about the commander being a double agent, wouldn't it be best to confront them or watch them very closely to make sure shep wasn't stealing intel for cerberus? i mean its not even just shepard they are doubting, its everyone on the sr2 crew. wouldnt garrus and tali and liara and chakwas and joker of all people KNOW the real shepard? hackett even drops in to give shepard a mission or two in me2, isnt his opinion of shepard worth something? or anderson? ANYWAYS all this to say, my decision not to let ashley/kaiden back on the normandy in me3 was less from a place of strategy and more from a 'look you've been pretty adamant about the fact you dont trust me and i dont need crew members who dont trust me' sorta feeling. i still felt a little guilty about leaving them behind, but when i talked to joker back on the ship and he stands up on his creaky lil legs and gives you a salute???? and says he's giving you the respect you deserve??? i cried real fuckin tears about it. THANK YOU my guy that means a lot ;_;

The salute scene had the same effect on me so I get you!!!

But ouch for Ash and Kaidan.

I mean, your reaction is valid and you mentioned they had legitimate reasons, so I'm not going to start my "they were justified to be suspicious" speech (always love to talk about the clone!!!) but I do think we have to keep in mind that it might not have been possible for them to confront Shepard earlier. That's probably why it happens the way it does in ME3 and there's still distrust, because of unresolved issues.

And unresolved issues can slowly eat at you until you no longer even feel like yourself. Words get stuck in your throat. If you have the slightest inclination toward ruminating, you can get lost in your own mind for hours, thinking about what you did wrong, what the person have said, what you could have done to change things. And the moment you are allowed to really speak your mind isn't always pretty. Sometimes, it's downright ugly.

I think the situation from Shepard's death to Horizon to seeing them again in ME3 is a bit like that for Ash or Kaidan. It's a time bomb of a situation, with lingering and contradicting feelings bursting into the scene. And you pointed it out yourself, nothing was really made clear to them. I think they felt like they were kept apart from Shepard and others for a reason, and that must have stung. A lot of it has nothing to do with Shepard and how they feel, but rather the narration forcing you down those paths. (My Shepard post Horizon or even post Suicide Mission would have had a conversation with them, because nothing seems worse than having those unresolved issues between them.)

We also can't really forget the impact Shepard's death had on everyone, and how they all dealt with grief differently. Ash was the only survivor of her unit and she finally found a commanding officier who didn't care about her family's past, who respected her and made her feel welcome. Who told her she'll always have a home on the Normandy. Kaidan's past is horrifying, and in his quiet, contemplating and very gentle way, he made himself a home on the Normandy, where he could trust the crew, respect them and being respected in return. Where he could be useful without being used.

All of it was gone, taken away. They were left with more questions than answers, in this very wild "my commanding officer is back from the death and works for a terrorist organization now and everyone acts like it's normal but fuck it's not at all" situation. I would have been angry too, and in pain.

I also think it's important to keep in mind that there are many ways you can show your love for someone. I'm not trying to pit one method against another because I'm a huge fan of "I'll stick with you no matter what" types of relationship, but it's sometimes healthy and necessary to question the people you love when they do something you don't approve of or don't understand. And it doesn't automatically means you don't love them anymore.

Loyalty also has different meanings to different people. I think, to Ash and Kaidan, it meant questioning Shepard because they felt they weren't true to who they were before, and what they stood for. And that in itself is not, to me, a better or worse reaction than quickly accepting Shepard's new circumstances. It's just different.

That's why I don't think Ash and Kaidan stopped loving or caring for Shepard in the time they were wondering whether or not to trust them, and why I don't think other squadmates reacted "better".

And once you clear things with them, the result is a good friendship, with a lot of trust and care. It shows that this is a relationship they all are invested in. They all put time, energy and a lot of efforts to repair what needed to be repaired. They really care, you know?