Wyll and Astarion sit in camp, chatting while eating. Gale approaches them awkwardly and even more awkwardly he sits down next to them. A loud sigh leaves the wizards lips.
Gale: Alright, no inquiries. I need you to kill me.
Wyll: Wat.
Astarion: Done.
From seemingly nowhere, Astarion pulls out a crossbow. He points it at Gale’s face and pulls the trigger. At the same time, Wyll thrusts his hand out and pushes the crossbow up. The bolt flys half an inch above Gale’s head. He doesn’t even flinch.
Wyll: Apologies, but I must ask: why?
Astarion: *in the process of reloading the crossbow* That’s rude. He said no questions. Why should we pry?
Wyll: I need more than a request to end a friend’s life.
Astarion: Good thing then that I see him as an acquaintance.
Astarion takes aim again and pulls the trigger. Once again, Wyll interferes. He pushes the crossbow to side as the mechanism fires. The bolt this time flies to side, almost grazing Gale’s cheek. Still, Gale doesn’t even acknowledge it.
Gale: …alright, I suppose you should know.
Wyll and Astarion stop wrestling over the crossbow and look at Gale.
Gale: I will try to be as reticent as possible. I was…having a rather profound conversation with Tav. And I thought it was going…in a direction. A physical one. An intimately physical one.
Wyll and Astarion nod.
Gale: Well, the prospect made me…excited. Very excited. And it had been a…time since my last encounter of such a nature.
Wyll and Astarion are not blinking.
Gale: The conversation was going well. Very well. Too well, it seems. I was in such a state, and then…Tav touched my shoulder. And I was very excited, as you recall and I…I…my wand went off in my trousers.
Wyll: *restraining himself* Pardon…?
Gale: My dragon…breathed fire before I was ready…
Astarion: *losing the battle to restrain himself* Would you…be more clear?
Gale: I jizzed my pants.
Wyll snorts. Astarion guffaws. It is several moments before the pair can control themselves again. Gale sits silently, staring blankly ahead as they laugh.
Wyll: Apologies. Apologies. I *snort* I don’t mean to laugh.
Astarion: I shall never again be able to look you in the eye.
Gale: Now, you understand.
Wyll: Does…does Tav know?
Gale: I made a noise and excused myself. I’m not sure.
From the other side of camp, Karlach roars with laughter.
Astarion: Karlach knows.
Wyll has to wrestle the crossbow out of Gale’s hands.
I’m sorry, I thought of this, laughed and now y’all have to deal with it.