Random Fandom Stuff.

Cloud and Tifa walk down into the main dining area of Seventh Heaven. They are hand in hand and tired, happy smiles stretch across their faces.

The smell of pancakes fill the air. They see Barret in the kitchen, a large pile of pancakes next to him. Zack, Aerith and Elmyra sit around a table. Tifa sits down at the table and Cloud goes and gets them two cups of coffee.

Barret: Good timing! Almost done. Special Wallace family recipe.

Cloud: *handing Tifa her coffee* I don’t know…I ate pretty well already.

Tifa does at spit take into her coffee cup.

Barrett: *chuckling* Well, I would be mad…but, I ate pretty good too.

Elmyra does a spit take into her coffee cup.

Aerith: Well, whadda ya know, I did too.

Zack does a spit take into his coffee cup.

Half the group ate their pancakes happily, chatting and socializing. The other half could not look anyone in the eye. They all ate well.

I swear to God, I do other stuff other than shill Cloud and Tifa but when you find inspiration, you use it!

Also, I just finished Chapter 13 or as I like to call it: THE FUCKING TRAUMA CHAPTER!!!

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

FUCKING SPOILERS

Barret and Aerith’s trials legit had me tearing up.

Barret begging not to lose his wife again. Aerith crying and apologizing to her mother. These scenes did so much to add to their characters.

Shit, Watching Nanaki get fucking branded. Tifa and Yuffie reliving their trauma’s was hard as hell.

As a husband and father, Aerith and Barret scenes hit me raw. John Eric Bentley and Brianna White and whoever voiced young Aerith did such good job.

Just more post-everything Cloud and Tifa.

Cloud returns to Seventh Heaven after a long day of deliveries.

Cloud: I’m home!

Barret is sitting with Marlene by the bar counter reading a book to her.

Marlene: Welcome home!

Cloud: Hey, guys. Where’s Tifa?

Marlene: She’s upstairs. Taking a shower, I think.

Cloud: SHE WHAT?!

Cloud takes off like a bullet fired out of a gun. He jumps the bar and makes his way upstairs to their bedrooms.

Marlene: Why was he so crazy?

Barret: *not looking up from his book* I’ll explain when you’re older, baby girl.

Meanwhile…

Cloud bursts into the master bedroom and runs over the master bathroom door. There is no sound of running water from the shower.

Cloud: Please, tell me I’m not too late!

The door is locked, so he starts pounding on it.

Cloud: Tifa! TIFA!!!

The lock is undone and Tifa opens it quickly. Concern paints her face. She’s wearing nothing except a towel haphazardly draped on her head.

Tifa: Cloud! What’s wrong?!

Cloud: Oh, thank god. You…*he smiles broadly* you’re still naked.

Tifa: …are you serious?

Cloud: As a tax audit.

Tifa: I thought something bad happened.

Cloud: It almost did! Think about it, had traffic been bad, by the time I got home you could have been fully clothed!

Tifa: *trying really hard not to smile* You can leave now.

Cloud: But I have to shower.

Tifa: Then shower. *goes to the mirror* Just don’t think you’re gonna get any.

Cloud: Of course. I’m just here to shower. And look at you.

He did not get any at that moment. Three minutes later he did.

Based on how I like to show appreciation and love (read: annoy and smother) my wife.

I read somewhere that Tifa in the backstory loves to take showers.

Which leads to this exchange before she finds Cloud in Midgar.

Barret: Hey, did you hear? People who take longer, hotter showers do so because they’re lonely. They use the warmth to bury the loneliness they feel.

Tifa: Well, I wasn’t expecting to be attacked like that today.

Cloud and Tifa’s happiness is knowing the other is happy. But what if they were aggressive about it?

Cloud is sitting at Tifa’s bar.

Cloud: Thanks for the drink, Tifa. How much I owe you?

Tifa: Let’s see, that’ll be…love yourself.

Cloud: What?

Tifa: You heard me.

Cloud: *standing up* Ooooh, that’s how’s gonna be?

Tifa: You’re not leaving until you cough up…genuine love for yourself.

Cloud: *growling* How about you go respect yourself? Cause you’re fucking awesome.

Tifa: *jumps over the bar counter and cracks her knuckles* You phenomenal human being. You think I’ll let you walk around without knowing what a treasure you are?

Cloud: *kicks a chair over and starts stomping over to her* You’re a treasure. You’re a jewel. You are my light in the darkness.

Tifa: *flips a table out of her way and charges Cloud. She grabs him by the collar and pulls his face close to hers* You deserve happiness.

Cloud: *grabs her neck* You deserve it more! Your feelings a valid!

Tifa: WELL, AREN’T YOU JUST THE BEST!!!

Cloud: NO! YOU’RE THE BEST!!! I’M JUST TRYING TO CATCH UP!!!

They begin aggressively make out. Clothes start getting ripped off and thrown everywhere. Barret, who had been sitting there the entire time, stands up.

Barret: I ‘spose it’s time for me to go.

The only response he receives is Cloud’s underwear hitting him in the face.

I just got to the Nibelheim area. I have never been more excited to relive past trauma’s in such a fucked up way.

Cloud and Tifa work so well in a relationship because they are flawed. They have fears. And they let those fears dictate their actions from time to time. They, eventually, work through those feelings. Watching them grow as characters is so fulfilling.

They are the perfect losers in love.

So I thought of another funny.

Full disclosure, I ain’t at Cosmo Canyon in Rebirth yet but I can imagine. Imagine hilarious awkwardness!

Cosmo Canyon. The group treks on under the burning sun. Red XIII leads the group. Cloud carries Tifa, who is delirious from the sun, on his back.

Tifa: I’m really sorry you have carry me like this.

Cloud: Don’t worry about it. All you do for me, this is like the bare minimum.

Tifa: *chuckling* You’re so nice, Cloud. I’d love to suck on your face.

Time stops for everyone. With the exception of Red, the group stops dead in their tracks. Oblivious, Tifa continues.

Tifa: Not just your face, I’d love to suck your c-

Red XIII: CAUTION!!! I smell fiends in the air.

Using the timely interruption, Yuffie runs up to Tifa and starts whispering to her.

Yuffie: Tifa! Tifa!

Tifa: *looks are Yuffie, a dreamy smile on her face*

Yuffie: You said that out loud.

Tifa: Huh?

Yuffie: *cringing* You said you wanted to suck Cloud’s w-

Red XIII: WATCH OUT!!! Wait, that was just a rock…

Tifa: *the realization of what she had done hitting her like a tidal wave* Cloud?

Cloud: *gulps* Yeah?

Tifa: There’s a nice cliff over there. Can you throw me off of it?

Cloud: Tifa, you don’t have to be embarrassed. I wouldn’t mind you sucking my face.

Everyone else is almost crushed by second hand embarrassment. Cloud, the sun frying his brain too, goes on.

Cloud: And I would really like it if you sucked my d-

Red XIII: DANGER!!! Oh, it’s just a plant.

Yuffie and Cait Sith try their best to get Cloud and Tifa to shut up. In the back of the group, Aerith and Barret stand. Faces solemn. Sunglasses on. Wills united.

Barret: Can we save them?

Aerith: We must try.

Barret: It’s gonna be hard.

Aerith: *pulling out a flask and taking a swig before handing it to Barret* I’ve long since abandoned the notion of this being an easy road to walk.

They made it to Cosmo Canyon. Cloud and Tifa’s brain’s were so fried they forgot the whole conversation. It was for the best.

After the Gold Saucer date AU. Spoilers definitely. You were warned.

Cloud and Tifa stand in front of the door to Tifa’s room. They fidget nervously but an air excitement and happiness surrounds them.

Tifa: I’m glad we did this.

Cloud: Me too! *cringes at the fact his words were too eager and way too loud*

Tifa: *chuckling softly* Well, good night. *stands with her hands behind her back, face expectant*

Cloud: Good night…? *stands there for a moment but the hint sinks through his thick skull* Oh! *leans down and kisses her*

Their lips linger on each other. After seemingly an eternity, they part. Tifa smiles at Cloud, backing away toward her door. Her butt bumps the knob. She quickly turns around and opens her door. Lingering in the doorway for a moment, Tifa turns to Cloud one last time and smiles before disappearing into her room.

Cloud stands there in a happy daze. He stands there for a while. Finally, he realizes he should probably stop standing on the middle of the hallway like an awkward duck. He makes his way to his room. Stepping through the threshold, he closes the door behind him and turns on the light. He almost shits himself as he finds the rest of the party standing in his room, staring at him.

Aerith and Barret stand as the vanguard of the group. Faces tight. Sunglasses on.

Aerith and Barret: *low voices* Did you kiss?

Cloud: *gulp* Y-yeah…?

Tifa’s heart almost leaps out of her chest as she hears the very loud cheering exploding out of Cloud’s room.

Meanwhile, at Shinra HQ…

The company higher ups and Turks celebrate by high giving and pouring champagne while crowded into Reeve’s office. Through Cait Sith’s eyes they saw confirmation of a successful date between Cloud and Tifa.

All except Rude who sits dejected in a couch, with Reno patting him on the shoulder.

Back at Gold Saucer…

Yuffie: Man, that was easy. *turns to Aerith and Barret* I don’t know what you were worried about.

Aerith and Barret just stare at her with a look that can melt steel.

In my head everyone is happy for them. Aerith and Barret get a win,

Partially inspired by real life.

Barret: So, how’d it go?

Cloud: How did what go?

Barret: You and Tifa! At the beach!

Cloud: We got ice cream.

Barret: And?!

Cloud: I got vanilla.

Barret: You got van—what else did you do?!

Cloud: Uh, walked the beach?

Barret: Good, good. But did you seal the deal?

Cloud: What deal?

Barret: Lifestream, help me. Did you kiss her?

Cloud: Why would I do that?!

Barret: You were on a date!

Cloud: No, no! Trust me. Tifa…Tifa doesn’t see me that way! *looks down sadly* We’re just friends.

Sometime later…

Barret sits at the end of a dock at Costa del Sol, staring out at the setting sun. His sunglasses cover his eyes. His cheeks are stained with tears. At his side sits a bottle of whiskey, almost empty. A hollowness fills his soul as he thinks about Cloud and Tifa.

Barret: They’re, they’re…just so fucking stupid.

Aerith takes the whiskey bottle and finishes it off. Sunglasses sit on her face and tears stream down her stoic face. She places the empty bottle back on the dock and continues sitting next to Barret.

I’m definitely projecting now. And I didn’t want Aerith alone on her pain. Spread the suffering you know.

Edit:

These people are my favorite characters in any form of media.

More unhinged shipper Aerith.

Cloud and Tifa stand in the threshold of Tifa’s hotel room at Gold Saucer. Awkwardly. They fidget and glance at each other, happy but with a cloud (lol) of nervousness hanging over their heads.

Cloud: I…I had really good time.

Tifa: Me too! It was, um, really nice!

Cloud: *smiling earnestly* It was. Um, good night. *turns to walk away*

Tifa: *a little desperately* Wait, Cloud!

Cloud instantly turns to Tifa but moves too fast and collides with her. She stumbles back but his arms shoot out like lightning, stopping her fall and pull her into an embrace. Time stills. The world recedes. The two stand in each other’s arms, only the sensations of one another existing in this moment.

And sound of someone going “yes, yes, yes” excitedly from another room.

Tifa slowly looks up at Cloud. Her eyes yearning, her cheeks red, her breath quick and shallow. Cloud looks into her eyes, the same emotions churning across his face. Their lips inched closer.

Then reality flooded back into their space like the ocean rushing into a sinking ship.

Tifa: *quickly pushing herself away* I wanted to say thank you for such a wonderful time.

Cloud: *staring at her helplessly* Of course. *shuffling from side to side* Night.

Tifa: *sadly* Good night.

Aerith: OH COME THE FUCK ON!!!

The door of the hotel room next to Tifa’s is kicked open. Into the hallway steps a VERY irate Aerith, glaring daggers at the both of them.

Aerith: That moment was fucking perfect! You don’t just walk away from that! You need to kiss, you fucking virgins!

Cloud and Tifa stare in stunned silence as Barret and Cid burst out of the same room Aerith came out of. They attempt to restrain her and to everyone’s (except Aerith’s) shock, she easily fights them off. She kicks Barrett back into hotel room and slams Cid’s head through a wall.

Aerith: You ruined it with your weak ass crap! You should be in pound town right now!

Yuffie appears in cloud of smoke behind Aerith, while Vincent materializes out of the shadows in front of her. In an instant it was over. With an almost casual backhand, the flower girl knocks Yuffie to the floor. Vincent attempts to reach out to her but before anyone could blink, Aerith was behind him, arms around his waist. The German Suplex that followed was truly epic.

Aerith: *standing up, her shoulders slumped* Kiss…*turning around to face a terrified Cloud and Tifa* KIIIIISSSSS!!!

Red XIII jumps from the shadows but Aerith shadow steps behind and grabs him by the tail. Cait Sith appears to help only to get taken out but the large, furry, red bullet hurled his way.

Aerith: Do you turbo virgins need a demonstration?! I’ll get a strap! I’ll show you how it’s fucking done! I’ll—

Barret, Cid, Yuffie and Vincent dog pile Aerith, each taking a limb.

Aerith: You can’t stop this! They need to love each other! I’m just trying to make them happy!

The clusterfuck moves its way back into the other hotel room.

Barret: Get the Chocobo Tranquilizer!!!

Cid: How much?!

Barret: ALL OF IT!

Yuffie: She’s biting me! SHE’S BITING ME!!! Get her off, get her off!

Red XIII and Cait Sith run past Cloud and Tifa. Red XIII offers them a pained smile.

Red XIII: I hope you had a pleasant evening. *closes the door behind him*

I might be slightly projecting and using Aerith as a mouthpiece. This was fun to write.

Edit: Visual representation of Aerith fighting off the party.

Edit: Edit: So imagine my surprise when part of my fanfiction actually happened during the game. Just involving Cait Sith and Yuffie in Gongaga.

I have this personal headcanon that Aerith is a Cloti shipper. A very exasperated Cloti shipper.

Aerith: Just ask Cloud out on a date.

Tifa: I can’t!

Aerith: Are you afraid he’ll say no?

Tifa: I’m afraid he’ll say yes!

A few moments later…

Aerith sits by the side of the road. Her eyes stare into the distance. No light shines in them as she takes a long drag from a cigarette. She holds the smoke in her lungs for a few moments before exhaling in frustration. She finishes off the last of the beer in her latest can, placing the empty vessel next to half dozen others, strewn about all around. Barret stands behind her, shuffling awkwardly.

Barret: Aerith, you…uuuuuhhhh, you okay?

Aerith: *monotone* Gaia is punishing me for my hubris and my work is never done.

Being friends with those two is a challenge sometimes.

Edit: A quick sketch by me of Aerith being done with Cloud and Tifa’s shit.