Random Fandom Stuff.

Cloud: Can I try rizzing you up?

Tifa: Only if I can try rizzing you up too.

Cloud: How are we gonna do this?

Tifa: How ‘bout we both go at the same time and try to out-rizz each other?

Cloud: Deal!

Cloud and Tifa stare at each other. Determination burns in their eyes. Tifa reaches out, taking Cloud’s left hand into her right.

In unison, they drop into kowtow position.

Cloud and Tifa: PLEASE!!! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!

These two are so pathetically down for each other.

So I’ve done more of the Bellara scenes.

I like the one with Neve where you find out she likes serials in the Tevinter Papers.

That put an idea into my head. What if Bellara got into romance books. Specifically, romantasy as the hip, young kids call it. Specifically specifically, SPICY romantasy.

Rook sits on a bench in Bellara’s room. He had come at Bellara’s invitation and is waiting for her. He hears the door open and watches Bellara walk into the room. Her gait is stiff yet determined. She quickly makes it over to Rook and sits down next to him. She stares ahead, not looking at Rook.

Rook: …Bellara?

Bellara: Yes?

Rook: You, uh, wanted to talk?

Bellara: I did? I mean, yes! I did. Okay.

Bellara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She holds it for a moment before releasing it and finally looking at Rook.

Bellara: So, as you know, we are, um, sexually active.

Rook: *grinning* Happily so, I hope.

Bellara: *blushing and panicking* Yes! Yes! Happily. Like you, know, what to do very well. No complaints.

Bellara looks at Rook, smiling but nervousness darkens her eyes.

Rook: …ssssooooooo…?

Bellara: Right. Yes. Okay. So, I’ve been reading those novels I asked Neve to pick up…and, and I was wondering if you would want to, maybe, try some of the things…from book.

Rook: Things?

Bellara: Acts. Actions. Sexual actions.

Rook: Oh. Yeah, yeah. I’d be okay with that.

Bellara: *beaming* Really?!

Rook: Of course.

Bellara jumps off the bench and runs to the other side of the room, disappearing behind the large stone elf head that sits in the middle of the space. After some rummaging, she pops up with a large tome in her hands. Several pages of the tome are marked by different color paper strips.

Bellara: Here!

Bellara tosses the book to Rook. He catches it with both hands but the momentum from the size and weight of the thing makes it crash into his chest.

Rook: *struggling to breathe* This is all from one book?

Bellara: *disappearing behind the elf head again* No, this is from all of them.

Rook: You got twelve books!

Bellara: Yup!

Rook: It’s been three days! How much sleep did you get?!

Bellara: Three hours.

Rook: Last night?

Bellara: In total.

The sound of metal on metal scrapping and the striking of a hammer fill the air. Rook opens the book. His eyes widen. He stares at the page for several moments before turning his head at a 90 degree angle. He starts flipping pages, his eye only growing larger.

Rook: Bellara…Bellara, I don’t know if I can bend like that…

Bellara: Don’t worry! I’m making something to help!

Rook hears Bellara revving something out of sight. Then sound of what can only be described as a saw assaults his ears. Rook swallows.

Several acts of debauchery later…

Emmirich sits across the table from Rook and Bellara. His leans on the table on his elbows, his two hands pressed flat together, as if he is praying. They are pressed against his mouth. He narrows and un-narrows his eyes. His brow furrows. He opens his mouth to speak but stops himself several times.

After an eternity, Emmirich speaks.

Emmirich: How…did you get that up there?

Bellara smiles and sweats profusely. Rook has a thousand yard stare.

Partially inspired by real life.

Full disclosure, my wife is an ADHD Book Goblin Spicy Romantasy Lover. Guess that’s why I gravitate towards Bellara.

The final scene. Pencil on paper by me.

Astarion: *glancing at Karlach before turning towards the camera like in The Office* I’m dating someone who actually likes me and I’ve never been more terrified in my life.

The whitest guys you know. Elf Rogue and Human Mage. Sardonic Lord of Fortune and Rough but Diplomatic Human Mage. I got a dwarf too but I have not taken a screenshot yet.

Elf’s gonna romance Bellara. The human is a toss up between Neve and Taash.

Feels surreal to be actually playing a new Dragon Age.

Played the beginning of Veilguard. I’m back in Arlathan, just found Bellara and the same thought keeps bouncing around in my head.

Archeologists must hate fantasy games.

I just came across a fully functioning magical automaton. Literally thousands of years old. A representation of the height of a truly ancient civilization.

I hit it with my two swords several times and then Bellara blew it up with lightning.

We did this to several others. Not to mention all the pots and containers I’ve been smashing.

Just imagining some student finding the ruins of Arlathan.

Archeologist: The pattern on this pot is fascinating! I wonder what techniques were employed to achieve this. I’m so lucky so many intact examples have been found here!

Suddenly, the archeologist senses dangers. They turn and see Rook hovering over an intact pot. The pairs eyes lock and a battle of wills begin.

Archeologist: Ho, don’t do it.

Rook glances between archeologist and the pot. Tension hangs in the air as thick as smoke. After several moments, Rook kicks the pot open.

Archeologist: NOOOOOOO!!!

In another universe, Link feels the archeologists pain. He smiles to himself and nods proudly.

Cloud and Tifa are arguing in their bedroom.

Tifa: I can’t believe you threw that guy through a window!

Cloud: He was being a creep.

Tifa: Look, I can handle- *walks up to Cloud and starts unzipping his jacket* -it! I’ve lived in the slums for years!

Cloud blinks as Tifa begins to unbuckle the straps and belts to his pauldron. It hits floor and she removes his jacket, exposing his bare chest.

Tifa: You don’t need to attack every person that looks at me funny!

Tifa pushes him onto the bed. Cloud sits awkwardly at the edge of the bed, propping himself up on his elbows.

Cloud: What is…happening?

Tifa kneels in front of him and begins to undo the belts and buttons of his pants. She looks up at him and rolls her eyes.

Tifa: We’re talking about how you completely over-reacted earlier! I’m so mad at you!

Anything else Cloud would have said is lost as Tifa yanks his pants down, underwear and all and goes to town on him.

Tifa seems to be the type of person to be really angry on the outside but really happy on the inside over Cloud being jealous.

Historical image of an Antivan being held down by a Dwarf and a Qunari as pineapple is added to a pizza in front of him.

Don’t ask me why but Lucanis is just so easy to bully.

I think I read somewhere that the devs said the group dread Harding cooking. So this is just a recreation of Taash and Harding forcing Lucanis to try the Inquisition Scout’s latest experiment.