put a price on emotion, i'm looking for something to buy

 the  way  kit  acted  with  matthew  was  different  from  how  he  had  acted  with  anyone  else  ,  and  it  wouldn’t  be  a  surprise  if  some  of  the  people  in  kit’s  life  didn’t  like  that.  matthew  was  just  about  the  only  one  that  got  every  let  alone  any  good  aspect  of  kit  that  previously  didn’t  exist  ,  and  all  he  wanted  to  do  was  keep  growing  and  trying  to  make  their  relationship  the  best  it  can  be.  of  course  ,  that  came  with  kit  second  guessing  himself  and  thinking  matthew  could  do  better  ,  but  that  was  a  totally  different  thing.  he  knew  ,  especially  in  this  case  ,  he  wasn’t  the  only  one  that  got  lost  in  his  own  head.  maybe  he  wasn’t  doing  a  good  enough  job  showing  matthew  that  he  loves  him.  kit  wasn’t  going  to  tell  him  that  the  guy  wasn’t  flirting  and  that  he  didn’t  notice.  he  knew  he  was  ,  but  he  just  chose  not  to  say  anything  because  it  didn’t  matter  to  him.  he  didn’t  have  any  want  or  desire  to  even  consider  being  with  anyone  else.  ❛  no  one  could  ever  make  me  feel  the  way  you  do.  i  really  couldn’t  care  less  about  some  guy  who  thinks  i’m  cute.  and  i  wouldn’t  lie  to  you  about  it.  i  wasn’t  flirting  back.  ❜  and  it  was  the  truth.  ❛  i’m  sure  that  they  were.  a  lot  of  people  are  just  waiting  for  me  to  fuck  up  and  i    ––    i  get  that.  i  know  that  that’s  what  i  always  do.  i  move  on  to  someone  else  or  i  cheat  or  i  .  .  .  whatever.  but  not  with  you.  fuck  ,  matty.  i’m  so  in  love  with  you.  i  wouldn’t  do  that  shit.  ❜  words  just  come  pouring  out  ,  still  holding  the  others  face  in  his  hands.  ❛  but  i  should’ve  told  him  to  keep  his  mouth  shut  and  i’m  sorry.  i  know  how  it  must  seem  to  you.  can  i  make  it  up  to  you  ?  please  ?  ❜

–––––––––––HE FELT ALMOST nauseous. so nauseous that he had let other people in, let other people into his head and heart to make him doubt the person he loved the most. it felt shameful, enough to leave how stupid it was on loop in matthew’s head. after all, he had been the first to say to not let other people into his head. he had been one of the first, when it they first started dating, to make sure that other people wouldn’t change his opinion about kit. and yet here he was, in tears over words only reaffirmed by people who were nothing but assholes in his life. he should have known better than to do that, but here he was. he also seemed to be here bringing those concerns to kit, and now it was just a sense of stupidity that flooded him. why didn’t he ask kit to begin with ? why even listen to people who clearly didn’t want the best for them ?             ‘ i believe you. i should have tlaked to you first, i just. there were pictures, and i don’t know. ’             far from a good enough response, matthew sits there, eyes never leaving kit’s as he continues to hold his face in his hands. he listens, a frown finding home on his face as he heard him talk. he didn’t want people to be out to get their relationship. didn’t want people waiting for kit to fuck up. that wasn’t fair to him. hell, if it weren’t for each opinion, matthew would have let it go, wouldn’t have thought anything of it, and it would have been okay.               ‘ i know you wouldn’t. and i’m sorry, i’m so sorry for even suggesting you would. and just. i shouldn’t have listened to them. ’           he whispers, now looking away.            ‘ you don’t have to make it up to me. ’              words barely audible. this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. matthew was supposed to be the one who kept this relationship from spiraling, should have been the one to see through the bullshit that he had fallen so easily a victim to.

      completely consumed with her busy life, claire’s habit of getting to know her neighbors had slipped away from her over the last couple of years. being a mother on her own came with more challenges than she could keep up with sometimes, and maybe things hadn’t rolled out the way she’d expected them to, but she could easily say she was happy. still, the fire alarm going off in the middle of the night wasn’t her favorite thing in the world –- it was likely her kiddo wouldn’t go back to sleep anytime soon after it was over, and that meant a long day for them starting from morning. in all her haste to get out of the building quickly and safely, claire had forgotten to grab their coats, more occupied with making sure they were out in case it wasn’t a drill. now that they’re both outside shivering, claire is cursing herself as she holds her child close, rubbing their arms and trying to keep them warm while they wait for the go ahead. when she hears another voice, claire’s gaze shoots up curiously, blue eyes taking in the sight. “ oh, are you sure? you’ll be cold too, then. ” normally she’d decline completely, but with a shivering kid, she’s tempted. “ i was in such a rush getting woken up out of nowhere that i didn’t remember to grab a coat on the way out. ”

––––––––––––HE DOESN’T MEAN to startle them, but he does realize he’s an absolute stranger trying to help someone who doesn’t exactly know him. and despite her slight protest, he doesn’t mind. after all, he knows he can take it but her child ? not so much.    ‘ no, no, please. it’s totally fine. ’   he insists, smiling widely. the alarm is still going off and the firefighters are taking their time pulling up. he’s hoping it’s a drill or false alarm, after all, it would be a mess and a half if it wasn’t, and he’s not quite sure that’s something he even wants to consider.    ‘ yeah, it was all so sudden. definitely not something i was expecting this morning. ’    he nodded along. he was surprised he remembered to grab his coat, it was probably because he wasn’t actually sleeping but working on something.    ‘ but seriously, please keep the coat. no reason your little one should be cold if they don’t have to. ’    he offers, eyes falling to the firefighters that had just appeared.

–––––––––SHE WAS SOMETHING else. he was sure of it. it was obvious that she was the one, but the more he was around her, he was sure that she would really have him whipped forever.    ‘ you know what’s funny ? i still remember our first kiss. didn’t think we’d end up here when i was kissing you in that kitchen. ’    the little house party where all he could do was stare at her lips. it was a wonder they made it here. but then again, maybe he was just feeling sentimental because here they were picking out wedding venues.    @selfdistancing​ !