put a price on emotion, i'm looking for something to buy

        a scoff fell from his lips at the other male’s teasing, grin turning up over his features the way it so often did around charlie. the joking put him at ease and yet he couldn't  completely  ignore the tinge of hurt that came from knowing charlie had left mid proposal, that one of the most important moments of his life his best friend hadn’t thought to stay in the room for. “  good thing i said yes then. ”  ethan laughed lightly, gaze flicking briefly to the door behind them.  “  wouldn’t want to be facing an angry mob in there  -   ”  though at least then he would of had a reason for hiding outside with charlie, aware his time with the other male was surely limited before someone would come find him and yet he wasn’t quite ready for it to end. instead, he focused on the other’s words, a softer smile spreading across his lips. ” yeah.. yeah, of course he treats me well. he’s the best.  ”  sure they’d had their fair share of fights like any couple, something that maybe charlie was more aware of than most given he was the one ethan turned to when they happened.  they really were good though,  and ethan knew that, he knew he was lucky to have found such a great guy  -  which is why he also knew he couldn’t voice that small part of him that didn’t quite feel right. not even to charlie. it was probably just nerves, a hand raising to stop from fidgeting with the new ring as fingers racked back through brown curls with an apprehensive smile. “  it means a lot to me that you like him, cause, if you’d want to be…  well i’d quite like you to be my best man.  ”  he admitted, teeth gently catching the back of his lip between them before he cleared his throat quickly.  “  you can think about it, of course  -  still very early.  ”  it was just difficult to imagine going through it without charlie at his side.

   it was easier to process everything sat out with charlie, the adrenaline of the last few minutes slowly starting to fade as he laughed softly at the other’s comment.  your proposal.  the phrase sounded so strange when said aloud, like it shouldn’t possibly apply to him and yet here they were.  “  given it was my proposal, you should have been there.  ”  ethan observed with a gentle hum. it wasn’t an accusation, merely a fact that felt so apparent to him  -  if there was going to be a proposal in front of everyone he knew, the only person who mattered being there was charlie.  “  couldn’t exactly say no with everyone looking at me, could i?  ”  he joked lightly. and it was a joke  - of course it had to be a joke -  one that didn’t need to be clarified because why  wouldn’t  he say yes when they’d been together for such a long time now. it just suddenly didn’t feel quite right, a knot tightening in his chest that he couldn’t begin to explain, not even to charlie as brown eyes feel to the ringed hand the other male was studying.  “  course i’m excited  -  always thought i’d be a  great  husband,  making pancakes,  planning date nights, all that domestic stuff.  ”  a gentle laugh fell from his lips, features lighting for a moment at the idea of it all because he really did like the prospect of all that. it just only lasted a moment before the uncertainty settled back to his expression.  “  -  can i ask you something?  ”  the question escaped before ethan could stop it, gaze raising to his best friend as he studied his expression just for a moment before unable to keep himself from carrying on.  “  do you like him?  ”  cause he wasn’t naive to the tension that sometimes lingered when he brought up the other male, unable not to notice that charlie was the one person who’d made no effort to say how happy he was for him.  “  if i’m getting married i kinda…  really need you to like him.  ”

       he’d always expected getting engaged would feel magical, like each piece of his life was finally slotting into place the way it was destined to.  perhaps that was naive,  and yet standing in the middle of the room ethan was struck by how remarkably not magical it felt.  not bad either,  sure  -  but he’d always been a romantic at heart and a public proposal in front of everyone had never quite been what he pictured. somehow that was the main thought he had as brown eyes had scanned the room for some sign of his best friend, hoping to catch his gaze in a knowing look of  create a diversion  or just the shared amused thought of  what’s he doing  -  because ethan had no doubt charlie would be aware just how not him this was.  instead he found no sign if the other male,  his attention turning back to his boyfriend as he heard the acceptance fall from his own lips and the applause from the people around them. each moment that followed passed in a blur, all leading to the chance to break away from the party and head out in the direction he thought he had seen a familiar mess of brown curls leave in.  “  need some company? i could do with the fresh air.  ”  the words fell softly, not waiting for a reply as he moved over to the other, thumb fidgeting uncertainly at the ring that now felt weird around his finger.  “  so,  you really left to fend for myself in there, huh?  ”  he attempted to tease lightly, the words somehow still sounding a little forced as he ignored the unsettled feeling finding a home in his chest.

–––––––––––HE’S NOT SURE what he expected. they had been dating for years and charlie was hoping that one day he’d slip up, slip up enough for charlie to entertain the idea of maybe being with them. but he was clearly foolish and childish. it was all wishful thinking, wishful thinking that became more of a fantasy. after all, they’re at this party, at their birthday party, the perfect party that charlie planned and threw, making it extravagant and everything they could wanted. but they had their boyfriend propose and now he’s upset. he doesn’t even hear what they respond with, no. he’s finding the fastest way out of their, grabbing a bottle of champagne on his way out. he wasn’t about to let everyone see him cry over what should have been a happy occasion.

the second sierra felt xavier’s hand grab her face, she melted. she immediately brought her hand up to his and held on as if it was the only thing keeping her from completely falling apart. “just mean it.” her voice was softer than before, almost like a whine, but the words still sounded like one with the slur. her strong armor was falling apart around her. as much as she wanted to scream, and throw things, she knew she didn’t have the power. not when he’s wiping away her tears, and for a second it felt like everything would be ok. that is, until she felt his hand pull away and her eyes jolted open to look at him to wait for the words she’d begged to hear for as long as she could remember, at least in the state she’s in now. “you can’t say it, can you?!” her voice grew louder as she stumbled herself to her feet, she felt the anger in her rev back up as she watch him turn his back on her. “if you can’t tell me how you feel, at least tell me what i want to hear!” she was practically screaming all over again, and struggling to stand in one place. to be fair, she was asking a lot of him. but she needed closure— something to tell her that he isn’t the one even though she can only convince herself of the opposite. “you’re a coward.” her words were stern and her eyes were stuck to him with a cold stare. with how she felt, she didn’t care if she hurt his feelings or not, she wanted answers and was determined to get them.“a coward who can’t say how he feels.” she paused, eyes still locked on him. “i guess some things never change.”

–––––––––––XAVIER IS SO close to breaking. knows this conversation isn’t going to end well, not in any way, but even more so if he snaps. but she keeps pushing, pushing, pushing. pushing like she wants to see him snap, wants to see him get upset over something he no longer has control over. and for a moment there, he almost thought that things would be okay, that things wouldn’t spiral out, but at this hour, with the two of them, it was almost a rarity that things wouldn’t spiral. just like that, they’re back to where they ended. having the same conversation.xavier could never say what he truly meant, how he truly felt when it came to her. always thought it was painfully unfair to lead her along for a ride that would end poorly. all she needed was to hear him say it, to hear him say how he felt, and he kept withholding that, as if it would help their relationship. he doesn’t dare turn around, not as she gets more upset. ‘ tell you what you want to hear ? you would prefer i lie ? will that help you sleep at night ?’ he raises his voice. nothing close to where she’s at right now, but boy, he can feel the same rage flood his chest. ‘ a coward ? ’ this caused him to turn around, eyes narrowing at her. his self restraint only went so far, and he isn’t sure he could hold it in. ‘ a coward who is someone who is begging for anything, anything to get closure instead of facing reality. it doesn’t matter how i really feel, doesn’t matter how i really feel about us if it’s not what you want to hear. none of this is ever truly enough for you. so now you tell me, who’s the real coward here ? ’

the feeling of xavier pulling her in was almost enough to make her shut up forever. just the simple touch, reminded her why she showed up in the first place. sierra would never admit her reason to him, but she just wanted to see his face. she wanted to see the green specs in his blue eyes one last time. seeing him instantly made her eyes well up with tears. she pulled her hand to her face to wipe it away, she wouldn’t let him see her cry over him again. her heart was stuck on the doorstep outside as she yelled meaningless words, partially making sense. hearing him reject her question made her furious. she wanted answers. she wanted to hear him say it was a mistake and they end up on the cuddled on the couch under the blankets. she blurted out. “you have to get out of my head!” she continued trying to piece her thoughts together. “i don’t want water! i want you to leave me alone!” she yells as she’s following his every move, inches away. “tell me you hate me so i can forget you forever!” even when she says it, just the thought of it brings the tears streaming down her face in a way she cannot wipe away. her eyes stay stuck on him, waiting for his response. 

––––––––––––HE KNOWS HOW she feels. he’s in the same place if he’s up too late and thinks about it a little too much. most nights he’s passed out, hoping not to let the thought even come close, but nights he really thinks about her, thinks about how they ended, there’s a flurry of yelling and a few broken glasses to show for the night. he’s doing all he can not to respond in the same way sierra is, but damn, this makes it so hard. he has to remind himself there was a reason that they broke up, but that reason feels few and far between, arguably hard to remember. he needs more than a minute to collect his thoughts, not to say something he doesn’t mean. he keeps skipping things he doesn’t want to respond to, doesn’t know how to respond to. ‘ you know i won’t say something i don’t mean. ’ so when her tears start flowing, he instinctively moves in closer, hands finding her face, and starting to wipe tears, tears that never ended. ‘ you know i can’t say i hate you. not when i–– ’ words get stuck in the back of his throat, hishand retracting from her face. he walks away, turning around as a staunch reminder that they broke up. they weren’t right for each other ! ‘ we broke up for a reason sierra. ‘ don’t do this. not now. ’

sierra had spent the night out with her friends, but she could only think of one person. him. no matter who she danced with, she would close her eyes and wisk herself away to memories of them together making breakfast or watching a movie. overdoing it is a specialty of hers especially when it comes to partying. once she started, it was always hard for her to stop. of course as the night went on; she grew angrier. the point of seething animosity reached its peak when she decided to call an uber to his house. after banging on the door, she finally got a response. the second she saw his face, she yelled. “why?!” she shouted with a deep slur to her words. “why do i keep thinking about you?!” of course it was natural for her to put the blame of her broken heart on him. however showing up on his doorstep was something she would have never normally had the guts to do. 

––––––––––HE WASN’T EXPECTING anyone, much less sierra to be at his door yelling. the grogginess, the sleep just vanished when she’s asking him why, and as much as he doesn’t have an answer, he does. his own mind is easily occupied in the same way, can’t get the thought of her out. wants her out, out, out. but she so easily holds his heart in her hands and now he wants to yell out in the same way. but the slur is enough to give away her state of mind, and no matter what xavier wants to respond with, he’s pulling her in. pulling her off his doorstep and into his place, door closing behind her. ‘ let’s get you some water. ’ he ignores her question, ignores just how much she’s yelling. he doesn’t have a good answer and is hoping that any form of distraction will help sway her from forcing him to go down this rabbit hole.

“don’t tell me to slow down. you can’t drop a big piece of news like that then tell me to slow down.” she felt comfortable around charlie. she felt at ease. isn’t that how friends were supposed to feel? like their best selves around one another? with another kiss, she nodded gently. she pulled away for a moment, shifting so that her legs straddled his waist. in the dim light of charlie’s room, josie could almost understand why tmz saw a spark between them. she brushed it off, though. it was probably just the tabloids getting to her. she leaned down, pressing her lips against his jaw. she kissed along his jawline lazily, working down to his neck. “we have to spend tons of time together in the next two months to make sure you don’t miss me too much when you’re away.” she teased.

––––––––––HE LAUGHED AT her response, fingers moving up and down her back. this wasn’t an unusual position to be in. hell, his hands went and rest on her ass, pulling her in closer to him. ‘ you know you can always come to the hamptons with me. thinking about renting a house, it can be like our vacation. ’ he grinned, moving her hair out of her face. he liked how she felt, liked how her lips felt on his skin, liked how she tasted, and somehow they ended up just as friends. friends that slept together. friends that did more than just be friends but here they were. ‘ you know, if we’re together for the next two months, i don’t think tmz or deuxmoi is going to shut up about us. think we’re gonna give them plenty of ammo. ’ honestly, he was more excited than not to be spending the next two months together. after all, would they just be friends that were crashing together or a situationship living together ? the line was so blurred that he was sure it didn’t even matter.

whether they were ‘a thing’ or not, josie couldn’t deny the chemistry she shared with charlie. she hated labels – she always had. she hated the idea that she had to be tied to somebody in order to spend her time with them. josie wasn’t seeing other people, even if she had the option to. hell, she wasn’t even seeing charlie. they were friends. “are you?” she grinned, leaning into him. she couldn’t contain her excitement – couldn’t stop herself from pressing her lips against his in her moment of glee. between kisses, josie attempted to get her next question out. “how long are you staying for? are you even going to have any free time?” her digits ran through charlie’s locks. “you should crash at my place while you’re there.”

–––––––––––HE DOESN’T ALLOW himself to think about it too much. he knows if he does he’ll fall down a spiral, one that isn’t particularly helpful to what they had. instead he has a big grin on his lips, even more so when she couldn’t contain her excitement and kissed him. ‘ slow down. ’ he teased in between kisses and each of her questions. it’s not like he hadn’t expected it, but he pulls her in closer, finally pulling his lips away from hers. ‘ you’re stuck with me for awhile. ‘m gonna be there for two months, and then we go to the hamptons for a month to finish. you sure you want me there for that long ? ’ he points out playfully, fingers tugging her chin so he can kiss her again.