I did that TF2 artist template thingy except I'm not an artist so you're stuck with my shitty doodles done with my finger on my touchscreen laptop

Original image under cut

What Languages Can The Mercs Speak?

Scout: English.

Soldier: English.

Pyro: Fluent in Spanish and English, but they 'understand' them more often than actively speak them. I headcanon Pyro as being Mexican.

Demo: Fluent in English and Latin, and knows a small handful of Scottish Gaelic.

Heavy: Fluent in Russian, with passable English. His English gets better the longer he's on the team.

Engineer: Fluent in English, with passable Spanish.

Medic: Fluent in German and English, with passable Latin. (Medic and Demoman Latin buddies you can't stop me they will summon all the demons together <3)

Sniper: English.

Spy: Fluent in French, English, and German, exceptionally passable Russian, Italian, and Spanish, and knows plenty of bits and pieces from various languages he had to learn a bit of for missions over the years.

My Merc LGBTQ Headcanons

Disclaimer: my headcanons aren't set in stone so these are like, what I assume them to be in the average fic I write unless stated otherwise. For example, usually I headcanon Medic as bisexual, but I might make him gay in an AU if I want to explore that instead. And I might make a merc I usually headcanon as cis trans if that's a story I want to explore with them.

Merc Spice Tolerances

Eating hot chips and thought of this

Scout: It really depends on your definition of 'tolerance'. He'll eat super spicy food and put on a brave face, acting all tough and manly and strong like it's no big deal to him, but internally he's freaking out about how much it burns and the moment no one is looking he's chugging milk. He can handle more mildly spicy things fine, though.

Soldier: The man is a human garbage disposal, he'll send anything right down the hatch without even flinching. If it causes him any discomfort, he doesn't dare show it. He takes it like a true American and powers through.

Pyro: No one actually sees them eat because they disappear off with their food to eat somewhere private, but before they do they often load it up with all manners of hot sauce, so it can be inferred that for Pyro, like many things, food is better the hotter it is.

Demoman: Weakest stomach for spice known to man. It's as if he's allergic to flavour, the poor guy. Although it may have something to do with the fact that his stomach refuses to acknowledge anything that doesn't have at least a 50% alcohol content.

Engineer: He loves spice, and a lot of the things he cooks for the fellas has at least a little kick to it, to some dismay and some delight. While he holds back for the sake of the others, he's always adding something like extra tabasco to his own portion.

Heavy: For a guy who had basically no exposure to spicy food before coming to America, he's embraced the way of spice and has taken to experimenting with adding some heat to his own cooking under the guidance of Engineer. His own levels of tolerance aren't quite at the level of the Texan, but still impressive.

Medic: He used to have pitifully weak spice tolerance, but he's since been building his tolerance up, through less than natural means. He's determined to have the strongest tolerance of them all by the end of the year. For no real reason other than bragging rights. Why he has decided to make this into a competition, who can say, but he's certainly determined to win.

Sniper: The only time any of the mercs have ever seen Sniper shed tears was when he ate some of Engineer's prize winning super spicy chili. Nowadays, when Engineer announces he's making chili, Sniper runs for the hills to the safety of his van where he can eat something he knows won't kill his taste buds. Like unseasoned rabbit roasted over a fire.

Spy: As a man who has withstood all manners of torture, Spy can eat spicy food without as much as a flinch, but that doesn't mean he willingly inflicts it upon himself. He holds the belief that eating should be an enjoyable and pleasing experience, not tortuous and punishing.

Mercs with Access to Internet

Scout: He would be a content creator who just makes whatever he feels like without any consistency. His uploads would be like:

Rooftop Parkour

Pokemon Smash or Pass

I Made A Mistake. (Addressing the Pokemon Video Controversy)

Tom Jones Songs Tierlist

Minecraft Let's Play

Soldier: He makes political rant videos but no one can figure out what his actual political opinions or leanings are. He just kind of spews buzzwords and 'America' a lot while sounding very passionate. A bunch of people assume he's a parody account making fun of actual political rant channels but no it's just Soldier being Soldier.

Pyro: They make TikTok dance videos. In every single video something in the background is on fire. Occasionally you'll hear "Damnit, damnit damnit!" and see Engineer rush in with a fire extinguisher.

Demo: He makes one video tutorial on how to make a pipe bomb, gets all his accounts suspended, and ends up on a hundred different lists.

Engineer: He would be one of those YouTube engineers like 'Michael Reeves' or 'i did a thing' who makes horrible abominations of machinery and technology. His viewers never know whether to be impressed, horrified, or a healthy mix of both.

Heavy: He doesn't ever post anything anywhere but he likes to watch a lot of videos on guns. He also subscribes to cooking channels for new ideas.

Medic: Aggressively spreads misinformation online. Not just medical misinformation, anything. He isn't lazy about it either. He puts genuine effort into making his lies as convincing and believable as possible. He is actively trying to make people less educated. If you ask him about it he'll claim it's a social experiment but he's just doing this for his own amusement.

Sniper: All of his accounts are on private and have like 3 followers. He uses Facebook to keep in contact with his parents and that's pretty much it.

Spy: Doxxes people he disagrees with.

God is giving me his worst this 2024 so I'm giving you mine

Now, I know what you guys are all thinkin'. "Holy crap, Scout is ROCKING that dirndl, he looks so freakin' good, I might be in love." Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not on the market! Yeah it's pretty sweet though, right? I got it 40% off for signin' up for this website, all I had to do was give them all my personal information! Spy keeps telling me "You got scammed, you're a total imbecile" but you know what? I think he's just jealous cuz he knows he could never look as fabulous as I do. Sucks to suck, Spy!

TF2 Sleep Headcanons

I can't sleep and I was thinking about this so enjoy my midnight ramblings about my blorbos

Scout: He stays up late and sleeps in later. And I bet he dreams of running a lot and kicks around a bunch like a dreaming dog. I just think that's really silly and so I'm sticking to it. He's pretty much dead to the world when he's asleep, and when he doesn't get sleep he's a massive pain in the ass, if you think he never shuts up normally you should see him when his mind has been running for hours on end and he's close to collapsing.

Soldier: He sleeps on a very strict military like schedule, waking up at the crack of dawn every morning to do role call. Basically everyone ignores him and goes back to sleep, but that doesn't stop him from doing it every morning anyways.

Pyro: Does Pyro even sleep? No one has seen them sleeping, but surely they have to sleep at some time, right? Pyro is the sort of thing where the less you know, perhaps the better...

Demo: It's hard to really determine how much time he spends actually sleeping and how much of it is passing out from being drunk. He definitely is not a morning person, that's for certain.

Heavy: Heavy sleeps like a stone, once he's out, he's out. However, he usually wakes up at a reasonably early time, not to the extreme, but perhaps an 8 am compared to Soldier's 6 am role call.

Engineer: He relies on coffee a lot, as he stays up late sometimes to work on his projects, but he also likes waking up early in the morning to watch the sunrise and just enjoy the early hours. Despite his not so many hours spent actually sleeping, he seems relatively functional, so good for him if he has a working system.

Medic: Medic is a horrible sleeper all around. For starters, he likes staying up late in his lab, and if he does actually go to sleep, he's a very light sleeper, it doesn't take much to wake him. Once he's up, he doesn't want to go back to sleep, because he thinks about all the stuff he could be doing instead. Also he snores. So badly.

Sniper: Sniper doesn't spend much time sleeping in his room at the base, he usually leaves to either stargaze or go sleep in his van instead. During the daytime, he's an opportune napper, he probably sleeps more at day than night when he gets the chance.

Spy: He has some big fancy bedtime routine ritual before he goes to bed each night, a big fancy bed with silk sheets, silk pajamas, all that fancy crap you just know it. In spite of all of this, however, he has horrible insomnia and often just hangs out in his office smoking late into the night because as much as he tries to, he cannot sleep.

some of these are more in depth than others I am very tired and can't sleep so I'm living vicariously through these fictional men who kill people enjoy