We’re still “We The People”
I know you all have important things going on. You’re working and/or taking care of kids and/or going to school while trying to figure out what to make for dinner and remembering to make dentist appointments (or if you're me, purposely avoiding the dentist and just praying that brushing and flossing is good enough because dentists are the literal worst). Social media is meant to distract us from all that nonsense. Sometime you just need five minutes of scrolling though the newsfeed to take a break from your monotonous life. There’s the guy you went to school with who used to sniff markers, now has six kids, and takes a lot of blurry selfies. There’s the former coworker who enjoys “liking and sharing”, especially if Minions are involved. There’s the super weird lady who writes long tirades about the evils of capitalism and tries to convince anyone who will listen (read: no one) that Bernie Sanders can save the world and never shuts up about it. <--- Hello, it's me.
Let me ask you guys something, why is it that basic civil rights legislation can’t pass in the House of Representatives? Why are there so many states engaging in this transgender restroom issue? Why are the rights of so many people I love hanging by a thread? Why do I ask so many questions when you already know I’m gonna have some kind of smartass answer to them?
WHY IS OUR GOVERNMENT SPENDING SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE DO WITH OUR GENITALS IN THE DARK? (or the light, if you’re into that) And here may be the biggest question of all: since fucking WHEN do people pay attention to other people in public restrooms?! I could be washing my hands next to Frank Sinatra’s corpse in a Target bathroom and I would live out the rest of my days on Earth blissfully unaware of it. Because I mind my own business. Only freaks are looking around and trying to make friends in the restroom. Just ask former U.S. Senator Larry Craig! (*laugh track*)
There is a literal breakdown of our democracy taking place. What happened at the Nevada caucus has been happening everywhere. They’ve stopped exit polling so we stop asking about the discrepancies. Everyone knows the system is rigged, we all agree that politicians are lying scum. Meanwhile, we allow these lying scum to legitimize discrimination of LGBTQ people. I’ve got news for you: we don’t have to put up with it.
I’m not really the patriotic type, at least not in a traditional sense. I don’t think we’ve made any well-intentioned military decisions for the past 70 years, and I think Americans can be stereotypically obnoxious and greedy, and we’re a little too Jesus-flavored for my personal taste. (no offense, it’s like mayonnaise vs. Miracle Whip. You do you, and I respect your right to weird condiments and weird spiritual beliefs).
But even though I’ve never worn an American flag bikini (like a true patriot), I love living here, and for the most part, I like sharing my country with you guys. We’ve got a truly beautiful piece of the planet, my friends. Furthermore, the 1992 U.S. Dream Team was pretty much the pinnacle of human history to date. No further proof is necessary: we were meant to be a paragon of civilization. Our founding fathers were idealistic fighters of oppression who wanted to build “a more perfect union”. The ideals of this country are “ideals” for a reason. And of course there’s no such thing as “perfect” and idealism will eventually break your heart because ALL humans a little bit stupid and flawed. But that doesn’t mean that we just stop trying. We’re the United States - which means that above all else, we are those idealistic fighters of oppression.
Which sounds like hippie dippy crap until you remember that we are Americans, after all. We’ve got style when it comes to fighting The Man: Boston Tea Party, motherfucker.
We The People isn’t hyperbole. It means WE are in charge here. Let’s start acting like it. Watch the video of the Democratic caucus in Nevada if you haven’t already… see our democracy circling the drain. Then get pissed. I mean SUPER pissed. I think we should buy all the teabags from Wegmans and throw them in Lake Erie (no time to ask questions about British taxation, just do it). I think we should get mad enough to act out the scene from Network and scream “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take this anymore!” – bonus points if you’re shaking your fist like an old guy at the deli counter.
I know, I’m like Chicken Little: “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” But seriously, guys. We can’t allow this to happen. I won’t watch my loved ones experience bullshit discrimination and stand by and do nothing. I can’t watch footage of full-on electoral fraud occur and stand by and do nothing. Neither should you.
(Also, let’s talk about the real values espoused by our founding fathers… Benjamin Franklin was into kinky stuff and wouldn’t appreciate the government he built getting all up in We The People’s personal bedroom business. Just look at the guy. Definite freak.)
