Sam’s past as part of the Falcon program headcanon
//this is gonna get angsty and sad you’ve been warned
death tw, ptsd tw
[reserved space for when I can find a gif of catws sam talking with steve and nat and dropping his ‘resume’ saying he knows where the wings are.. which are behind a twelve inch wall]
based on that exchange, my headcanon is that however many people there were in the experimental Falcon program (which could not have been more than a handful because flying is exhausting in all the ways and not many people would have qualified for it to begin with)
we know sam felt it HARD when his wingman riley got shot down by an rpg. arguably sam was the closest with riley over the others. this doesn’t mean he didn’t care about the health and safety of the others.
hc that the last pair of Falcon wings were locked up behind said twelve inch wall was because all the others have also died while flying in them or have died while being rescued. some before riley and some after.
sam became the only survivor
after losing riley he was already doing a mental nosedive, after losing ALL of them? sam was not in a good place at all.
sam’s and the last pair of Falcon wings were locked up behind a twelve inch wall “to protect” sam.
he went dark for about a year afterwards. didn’t have a job. didn’t do anything productive. didn’t bother checking in with VA mental health or any other kind of mental health places. lost contact with friends (well when you’re out there flying most of your friends are also those out there flying). barely even called sarah (this was before aj and cass were born).
he goes for runs at 3am to clear his mind and to get back into shape because sleep rarely comes if not riddled with night terrors and replays of watching riley die over and over again when he does drift off. kept up with the running routine and the rest is the start of the catws movie
[I will... eventually... draw or photoshop or something, sam’s tattoos into a visual image. it involves his past with riley and how he dealt with his death]