I couldn't stop thinking

Today's a shitty day

So I started drinking

But it didn't go away

I started to cut

I even punched stuff

But I was stuck in these thoughts

And that pain just wasn't enough

So I called up someone

Someone from before

And one thing led to another

And it led to something more

My head between her knees

My tongue tracing her thighs

I did all the fucking

That's just what I like

You see, it happens to distract me

Because I need to be in control

I want to make someone cum

I want them to completely let go

And that's just what I did

Earlier today

But it was just fucking

Then I walked away

The thoughts came rushing back

Because the calm faded away

I didn't know what else to do

So I drank for the rest of the day

I met up with someone else

Someone who always has drugs

Let's call her an old friend

Or one of my plugs

I was only drinking beer

But when I got to her house

She had whiskey, vodka and rum

And I had each of them in my mouth

She also had cocaine

Now that was really fun

I don't know how much I did

I just kept snorting til I went numb

Then we smoked a bunch of weed

And drank a little more

Then she kissed me

And we ended up on the floor

I have to be in control

She already knows this

But something flashed in my head

And I started to lose it

She told me, 'just focus on me'

Then she kissed my lips

I pulled away again

Then she said, 'I know you need this'

But every time I closed my eyes

I saw something I didn't want to see

I told her, 'this isn't working'

And then she said, 'keep your eyes open and kiss me'

And so I did just that

And it happened to work

She pulled onto my hair

While I fucked her

When we were finished

We did some more coke

We drank some more liquor

And there was still weed to smoke

I stayed an hour longer

And then I walked away

But then the thoughts came back

Did I mention today's a shitty day?

-Oko Ninjah (I had shit day, so here's a shit poem)