So I was messaging the woman I like and... Fuck... I really like her. She is... just amazing. I don't usually just talk to people, especially girls I like. I'm a fuck up and with me, sex is what I'm after. I don't have relationships, I have relations but... this woman is different. I want to know her but I don't know how to ask to know her without being the pathetic fuck that I am.
I want to know her favorite spot in the world. I want to see her smile so I can melt the way she makes me. And I want to just hold her... Fuck, that's pathetic, isn't it? Whatever, fuck it. I don't even care. I like her... A little too much, I think.
Because I haven't seen her in weeks but she's all I've been thinking about. I've been with other girls and she's in my head; her smile and laugh replaying over and over again. I just can't shake her. She's just.... There. And part of me wants it to stop. Most of me. But then another part just wants to shake away my nerves and pull her into my arms and kiss her.
And I want to kiss her right this time. With medium lip movement and slight tongue and have it heat to minimum lip movement while our tongues wrestle with each other. And I want our hands gripping each others clothes and I want to kiss her neck and... I want to kiss her and I want to do it right.
I want to kiss her and make her breathless and the only way she'll be able to catch her breath is if we kiss again.
But these thoughts disappear when she's around. No, that's not true. These thoughts multiply and there's so many thoughts that I can't focus on a particular one and that's how I fucked up the kiss we had. Yeah... Don't want to relive that. I should just back off like I said before and wait until I'm good enough.
She deserves someone good enough. Someone who'll hold her hand in public, someone who'll kiss her and make her knees buckle, someone who'll hold her hand but makes her feel warmth in her chest - and fuck, I want to be that someone.
But I'm not. I'm not good enough. She deserves good enough, she deserves better - she deserves the best because she is the best.
I'm not the best or better or good enough, I'm just... me. I don't think I'll be good enough.
Fucking hell...
Oko Ninjah (fucked pt. 3)