Oko Ninjah (confession #006)

I'm high and when I'm high, I think. Guess I was thinking of music because I wrote songs all over my arms. I ran out of paper lol

Why I Cut...

We all don't have a perfect life. We have the life we have and that's that. Some of us can deal with the hard stuff and the heartache and the pain that goes along... And others like myself... Find it difficult. 

I don't have control over my life. As much as I look like I have it all under control, I don't. I'm good at lying and hiding my problems. It's what I do. It's like a relfex, it comes natural to me. 

But... That's why I cut. It's the only thing I can control. 

I control, what I use to cut with and how deep I cut and where I cut. I control it. Me. No one else. And yeah, it hurts. It does. But i'm used to it, already. It's nothing but a pinch to me. 

When i'm cutting myself, I feel like I can actually breathe. Like there's more to life than bullshit and bills and complaining... Like there is a such a thing called love and mystery and adventure... 

In those few seconds that i'm slicing into my skin, I have a clear mind and it's like when i'm high and i'm staring up at the sky above me... 

I feel at ease and I feel invincible. Like I can do anything in the world. 

Like I can fly. 

That why I cut... 

Because I feel like I can fly. 

My face when I'm high and trying real hard to focus...