Hello father, lately ive been having faith issues. It started with a fear of death. Now i find myself questioning if gods really exists. I do believe, but my faith starts to 'low down' sometimes. I still pray everyday. But sometimes it feels like empty prayer. Any way you can help?
Well, you know what Feuerbach said. "Der Mensch ist, was er ißt." "Man is what he eats."
What he meant by that, of course, is that we're nothing more than the biological material we consume. Which is simply ridiculous. But maybe the question applies to you too: What are you feeding your soul with? Because your soul is deeply affected by what it takes in, and souls can starve.
It's fine to be afraid of death: here's something I wrote about that a little while ago. But reflection on death that doesn't lead to hope... is the quiet desperation of despair. Don't let yourself go there.
Most people who have advanced a ways in the spiritual life can point to a moment or at least a period in their life which was a "before and after" experience: It's the moment in which they had a deep experience of God's personal love for them. God as a Person: That changes everything. You can't really doubt anymore like before, because you've seen.
But getting to that moment, and persevering through times of darkness and dryness in prayer, can take a while, and God has a specific time for everyone. Whatever is his plan is best for you, even though it's hard for us to see sometimes at the moment.
So the key is to be patient and to let God be God, but at the same time trying to prepare your soul so that the seeds of God's action can fall on good soil. Books like this one or this one or even the YouCat can be excellent ways to be led deeper into prayer. Make sure you're listening to the right music, spending time on the right sites, hanging out with the right people. Otherwise the background noise can drown out God's whispers.
One final thought: Prayer and relationship are the best solution to your question, but true prayer depends always on discovering God's presence. Saying words but not realizing he's listening doesn't help a whole lot; it can be very empty. So always try -- even if you're praying something like the Rosary -- to first make your soul still and quiet and to discover that God surrounds you, penetrates you, holds you in the palm of his hand. Then speak. And listen.
Keep in touch... I'll say a prayer for you today. God bless you!
- Father Shane
