@fangirling-phoenix / fangirling-phoenix.tumblr.com
"alfred is the only normal one" "alfred holds the single braincell" "alfred can do no wrong" alfred Thaddeus crane pennyworth is an ex-spy with a bastard child who got a job as a butler after his failed acting career who for some reason agreed to adopt his dead employers traumatized son before spending the rest of his life enabling the most insane fucking behavior ever exhibited by human beings.
ok but if bruce wayne somehow came upon zuko fresh out of banishment he would lose his mind.
black hair? check. bad parent(s)? check. trauma? double check.
bruce: how’d you get your scar?
zuko: my dad got mad at me for saying that killing people is wrong so he lit my face on fire and banished me.
bruce, vibrating with excitement, already pulling adoption papers from his utilility: that’s terrible. how do you feel about capes.
Zuko: Do you mind if I wear this blue demon mask?
Bruce: *sniff, tear in his eye* Not at all.
*Zuko fighting the Joker*
J: "wan na kno w h ow i go t thes e sc ar s"
Z: *rips off mask* i don't give a fuck
I’m still stuck at the “batman has adoption papers in his utility belt”.
“Quick, it’s time to use the Bat-adoption papers!”
Bat-option papers
Okay, but you’re missing the best part of this.
Alfred and Iroh complimenting each other on tea while they discuss their overly dramatic children.
iroh: once, i told zuko that he needs to work on his inter turmoil. he screamed at me that he had no such inner turmoil, and then proceeded to go to a cliff during a thunderstorm to scream at God to strike him with lightning
alfred: master bruce and i have that interaction at least three times per week.
@absentlyabbie
I see your "Alfred and Iroh as tea bros" and raise you "Alfred and Iroh as tea rivals"
Consider
(later)
excellent addition
hey bruce spent a lot of his bat-study abroad in the far east and has kind of a weeb weapon collection so proposal, what if Bruce appreciates Iroh’s tea
while Zuko is enthusiastic about cream and sugar
further fueling their dad-figures’ passive-aggressive rivalry?
You had me at Zuko vs. Joker, I was crying by the Eastern vs. Western tea service
Wait a minute. Batman and Zuko have the same arch-nemesis.
Saw the last comment and my brain would not rest until it happened
this post has everything
this was an enjoyable ride. i liked the scenery very much. smooth suspension, nice height, several fascinating loops. 10/10 would go again.
Him dad pack him a lunch and give him a kiss on the head b4 patrol. If you even care
just thinking about how alfred was gone for five seconds and bruce immediately spray-painted the hardwood floors he really needs constant supervision
I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch
Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!
He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!
Alfred: Oh my you’re right
There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well
(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING
Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!
Alfred:
Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”
@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this
Bruce: I have a code.
Alfred: And I have a gun.
Bruce: time to remove the guns.
Alfred: good fucking luck.
I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch
Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!
He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!
Alfred: Oh my you’re right
There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well
(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING
Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!
Alfred:
Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”
@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this
Bruce: I have a code.
Alfred: And I have a gun.
Batman needs to respect Alfred’s right to bear arms.
“And you’ll never find them all” is so fucking hilarious and a power move.
Hot take: the only reason any of the Robins were Robin was to keep Bruce from getting himself killed.
Clark: I can't understand why you let him get children involved in this whole thing.
Alfred: Master Bruce's children are aware that he is self-destructive and chose to spend their time as Robin protecting him.
Clark: .....so you looked at eight year old Dick and decided that it made sense for him to be the only thing between Bruce and certain death?
Alfred: Precisely.
Dick: We called it Bruce-sitting. Which is the more fun way of saying suicide watch.
Dick: Did you think I actually wanted to be Batman when Bruce was gone?
Clark: I did sort of wonder about that.
Dick: Damian is basically mini-Bruce. I was mini-Bruce-sitting.
Clark: But as the only responsible adult here, why wasn't Alfred the one in the spandex?
Dick: They tried that. He killed lots of people and upstaged Batman.
Clark: Wha-
Dick: Bruce prefers to be the scary one.
Eighteen year old Bruce in full batsuit: Listen, it's MY mission, and MY city, and I'm not going to let you take over!
Alfred, with ski mask and machine gun: :(
@starwarmth said: "And then Jason comes and upstages Bruce
that's what Bruce finds so unforgivable
"Red Hood is scarier than Batman" is such a sting to his pride
Red Hood doesn't even have a THEME :/ it's just red, and it's not even a hood, it's a helmet
no pizzazz :// no panache ://"
Dick: Head's up, Jason's coming over tonight. So maybe try to be-
Bruce: IT'S NOT EVEN A HOOD, DICK!!!!
Dick: ....nice. Be nice.
I’m sorry, ALFRED WITH A MACHINE GUN?!
This is the kind of content I needed from tumblr today
Bruce might know some taekwondo, but Alfred is the only one with any actual military training.
He's also very good at watercolor painting.
Hello young Bat-lings and let's paint some happy little trees with the blood of those who would dare kill master Bruce
Alfred's Army
>World class butler
>Trained theatre actor
>Skilled water colour artist
>Merciless killer
Alfred really does have it all
so what you’re telling me is that alfred can murder an entire trafficking ring in a way so perfectly poetically aligned with idk some shakespeare play or something, and then make bruce a lovely watercolour painting from the diluted blood of the people he killed, all before 3:30 so he can perfectly prepare afternoon tea
no context let’s just bask in this image
So what I’m basically trying to say is. Even with context. Seriously.
Could Alfred be less savage for once
No. He’s perfect this way.
What the fuck kind of breakfast is steak and oatmeal, Bruce?
Steak and oatmeal is actually a good idea for someone who does as much physical activities as batman. I think the rock mentioned eating that for breakfast. Savory oatmeals can be damn good.
The steak is for his eyes
BRUCE: I’ve created jobs by keeping Wayne Enterprises in Gotham. I’ve provided scholarships to every employee of my company and I offer them to others as well. I’ve built orphanages and hospitals, including mental health facilities. I’ve provided jobs to ex-felons right out of prison so they can rebuild their lives. I’ve supported pro-reform political candidates and the few honest cops in Gotham City.
BRUCE: It’s going to take time to reform the system and lift this city out of poverty and corruption, so I think I’ll spend my evenings protecting the people who live here. Tonight, I’m going after the criminals preying on the sex workers struggling to make a living in Crime Alley.
BRUCE: And once I’ve kicked some ass, I’ll offer their victims jobs at Wayne Enterprises so they can get off the streets and have stable, safe, legal employment. I’ll pay for any education or training they might need.
ALFRED: Don’t forget your cape, sir.
@gothamnetwork’s meet the admins: jordan [@detectivegordons] → favorite relationship
You are the only son that I will ever have and I could not be more proud.
Alfred Pennyworth: a proud parent
Farewell Gotham Challenge [Day 7-8] Favourite Relationship ➜ Bruce & Alfred
Farewell Gotham: Day 1-2 Favourite protagonist: Alfred Pennyworth.
“Well come on sunshine. Don’t be shy. Your mother wasn’t. Chop chop.”
In the light of the recent promo that just dropped, I thought this was highly appropriate to make
Sean Pertwee as Alfred Pennyworth Season 5 Promotional Photo
Via: TVLine
