i keep seeing talk of frustration re sand not being firmer in his pushback against boeing, so i want to touch on one thing, as a lifelong doormat myself

throughout the series, sand does his best to set boundaries with ray, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's always been able to do this

we know he's a giver, a caretaker, a mom-friend to his friends and his mom (which: same, fucking hate it here). boundary setting is hard when you are those things, and you get better at it relationship by relationship

it's entirely likely that he was either less able to directly communicate boundaries, or not able to at all, with boeing. and it's incredibly difficult to get out of the patterns you've established with someone. this is why (one reason, at any rate) i don't think it's out of character for him to not flat out tell boeing to go get fucked. i honestly think he is being clear enough about where boeing stands with him, it's just that boeing keeps steamrollering on ahead. interesting that we found it cute and romantic when ray did that

with the rest of the characters, i'm pretty sure we're seeing them in baby's first relationship-with-some-weight-to-it. but sand's already done this dance, which is so fascinating! because for the rest of the characters, their relationships and mistakes have changed them since ep 1. but we've only known sand after these kinds of changes happened to him. maybe taking less shit from people is something he started doing after boeing

i'm dying to know what he was like before! hoping for a flashback to flesh out how things went south, and i'm really hoping the baseball bat scene was him trashing something after finding out about the cheating! preferably something of boeing's, but given how sand is, i'd imagine it's probably something of top's

Sand as a secondary/supporting character of his own life

I saw in a post (@thatgirl4815) about how for a Sand episode the attention is removed from him in e11 part 4/4. And i suppose it IS an acting/directing choice.

Sand doesn't care much for his emotions and I want to dissect it from e5 and e11 aka the Sand episodes. My hypothesis is that Sand's episodes are not about his emotions specifically.

I know Sand needs to do it himself but if it were my codependent ass that has issues drawing boundaries with people and someone was offering to do it for me then I’d be like yes please absolutely go for it

Just some thoughts I had about Sand and the Sand/Ray/Boeing situation we find ourselves in. We are shown time and again that Sand is way too nice for his own good (even his mother says so) and that he has a worryingly low sense of self worth.

Now some fans have pointed out that Sand needs to stand up for himself more, especially in earlier episodes during Ray's explosive anger and jealousy, but the thing is- Sand tries. He tries to set boundaries between himself and Ray at certain points. He avoids Ray, ignores his calls and texts, refuses to tell Ray where he and Nick are vacationing up in the mountains.

The problem is that even when Sand does try and draw these boundaries Ray walks all over them. Ray finds and confronts Sand when Sand ignores him, drives two hours at night through the mountains to find Sand and share a bed with him and Nick, despite the fact that the two are uncomfortable with Ray's presence.

And now we have Boeing (the ex who hurt Sand badly) inserting himself back into Sand's life despite how uncomfortable Sand looks when talking to Boeing; who is clearly trying to manipulate Sand and put a wedge between the new relationship between Sand and Ray, who is pushing and pushing despite another boundary Sand has set and is once again being ignored- he just wants to be friends with Boeing.

Given how naturally manipulative Boeing seems to be we can probably assume he was that way during their relationship as well (maybe not to this extent but still). So we can see that no matter who the romantic relationship is with, as soon as Sand draws a line it will be crossed. So why should he react badly when it keeps happening? Sand is probably so used to his boundaries being ignored that he doesn't even notice it now.

Which is why he doesn't blink when Ray goes from loving to abusive in the blink of an eye; why he doesn't know how to react around Boeing now, let alone Boeing and Ray together.

Sand has a hard time standing up for himself, but it seems anytime he does decide to do it, it's immediately ignored. So it kind of explains why Sand might be so stilted in the ep 11 confrontations with Boeing, why he didn't immediately push Boeing (again someone he was deeply in love with) away.

IDK just some of my thoughts after reading some other interpretations of how Sand handled the situation in ep 11.

I hate Ray's behavior in the last three episodes. Like wtf the love of your life is so supportive and so kind and understanding of your trauma, behavior and rude comment and tantrums. I'm just upset at him, I expected more of him, some growth.

Till now whatever progress has been in his life it was made thanks to someone else. Ray did not come clean to Mew about his feelings for Sand. Mew deduced that(it wasn't hard)and brought up the topic and decided all was good. Sand was the first one to confess his love for him, not the other way. He was going to hide his emotion and fuck over Sand and continue the act with Mew. The therapy session is the only place where he is progressing on his own.

Call me romantic but I wanted Ray to for once be mature and honest. And treat Sand with the love and drive that he deserves, he deserves someone who will fight for him upfront, and not somebody who will manipulate the situation and invite his ex to a pool party and make him feel bad about it. UGG this whole situation is frustrating. At this point if he doesn't show growth, communication skills and BALLS, fuck him Sand can be alone with his roomie.

bear with me. boeing is exactly sand's type. boeing says that mew is an "upgraded version of [him]". does that mean that mew is exactly sands type???

i don’t know how long they were together but sand calling boeing “boe” really should have made me realize immediately just how serious that relationship was. they said topboeing wasn’t serious but sandboeing was. they littered the “this was a serious relationship” confirmation all over the episode after with the way boeing was talking. i’m just glad for boeing’s (and maybe even sand’s) life that he did not call him that name in front of ray 😭😭

Something that becomes funnier every episode is how they keep having to tell instead of show that Sand is in a band, because First has many gifts, but singing isn't one of them. Why didn't they just let him lip sync? lol

Episode 11: Sand Ramblings

- Sand is not responsible for making sure Ray doesn’t drink.

- Traveling the world, going to all the different festivals, is Sand’s dream. He once wanted to share that with Boeing, but they broke up. Ray is in his life now and wants to experience this with Sand. That’s okay! Things change and sometimes life doesn’t go as we expect. I’m happy that Sand has someone else he trusts enough to share this with.

- I rewatched this episode twice and each time I did, I noticed how utterly exhausted Sand seemed when he was dealing with Boeing. His body language, his facial expressions, everything about him screamed, “I’m fucking miserable… why are you doing this to me?” I never got the vibe that he wanted Boeing back.

- Sand sending Ray home didn’t feel dismissive to me. It felt proactive. He knew the two of them together wouldn’t end well. I think Sand wanted to handle this alone because that’s who he is. “Don’t feel pity for me. I can deal with my own feelings.” He’s independent and likes to take care of things without help. Ray is known for being explosive and Boeing is manipulative as fuck.

- Sand telling Boeing he had a roommate when Boeing asked him if he could come over to his place wasn’t disrespectful. Boeing already knew Sand had a boyfriend. He had just met him. That didn’t stop his advances. Boeing didn’t care. I think Sand knew him well enough to pick up on that. He gave him another reason as to why it wouldn’t be a good idea. Sand isn’t always great at setting boundaries and YES he could’ve been more direct, but Boeing coming back into his life really threw him for a loop. He was trying his best y’all.

- Sand tried to remain uninvolved. Ray and Boeing had a pissing contest of sorts, which clearly annoyed the shit out of Sand. He didn’t want to have the pool party. He didn’t want to get in the pool. I’m not blaming Ray, I understand his need for Sand to actively choose him. I just think Sand wanted to do this without all the damn theatrics.

- I have no doubt that Sand is in love with Ray. I have no doubt that he has zero plans of reconnecting with Boeing. I DO think that Boeing being back has brought back some old insecurities. “I’m not that important. I don’t want to be anyone’s option.” Boeing chose Top. Ray chose Mew… and this has stuck with Sand. Now he has what he’s been craving and those feelings no doubt came rushing back. Sand is fucking terrified and we all know how he deals with that. He shut down. He retreats. That’s exactly what he was doing. He literally looked like he was on auto pilot the second Boeing showed up. The carefree attitude we saw with him when he was around Ray was gone.

I wanted to hug him the entire episode and punch Boeing. I’ve been around manipulative people like him and it wears you down. Poor Sand aged twenty years when Boeing was anywhere near him.

Enough of my nonsense.

Can’t wait for the finale ❤️

watching two men play the world’s most passive aggressive metaphorical game of tug of war with sand sparks joy. i hope he gets to kiss both.