Aftermath - Varadha's Perspective - Chapter 1

warnings: slapping

June 1985

"You'll be the saddest part of me

A part of me that'll never be mine.

It's obvious. Tonight is gonna be the lonliest"

- The Lonliest by Måneskin

Baba came up with the plan: a series of dropoffs, which will make tracking Deva and Amma more difficult. The fifth driver said that he was supposed to hand them over to the next driver in Hyderabad. When he went away to get them some food in the morning and returned, Deva and Amma were gone. After Deva and Amma's escape from Khansaar, Raja Mannar had his goons round up everyone involved in the matter.

All the seven drivers and Baba were beaten brutally and imprisoned. The fifth driver was tortured the most. He pleaded for his life but he never changed his answer.

Varadha remembers that he was slapped by his father across his face so hard that he fell to the ground. He remembers his father spat on the floor and walked away. After that, the rest of that day was blurry.

The search for Deva and Amma continued.

Now, Varadha's only priority was to get Baba and the drivers out of prison. He requested to meet his father everyday to no avail. He met every Dhora who gave him a chance. Most of them only agreed to meet him to reiterate his pathetic position and feel superior. Those who were sympathetic wanted him to let go of this issue, clean his hands of it and let others bear the burden of his decisions. They wanted him to understand his luck that he is not dead or rotting in prison because his father spared him.

Varadha did not stop. He and Baachi needed Baba. The only solace Varadha had during this year was his brother. Baachi was only 5 years old and he missed Baba very much. Varadha played with his brother and dodged every question the kid had about Baba, their mother or their father. He lied that Aai is in heaven because she turned into an angel on his birthday. He lied that their father doesn't visit them anymore because he is an astronaut on the moon. He lied that Baba will come home soon after defeating all the evil monsters in the forest. Because Baachi was only a child, he didn't need the truth. He only needed a story. Sometimes, Varadha only needed a story to get through the day.

Months passed. Every second ticking at the slowest pace.

Varadha celebrated New Year 1986 in the balcony of their house with his brother sitting in his lap. Baachi was giggling and clapping his chubby fists when he saw the fireworks light up in the sky. Varadha hugged him tightly and desperately wished for Aai, Baba, Amma and Deva to appear before him. He just wanted to celebrate the New Year with his family.

*****

tags: @deadloverscity @ghostdriftexistence @sambaridli, @rambheem-is-real @sinistergooseberries @vardhamannartitties, @moonnpaww @literariyumi @sana2410 @varadevaficrecs

I will publish on ao3 once I have the account setup.

What did John say in his letter to Sherlock? We never find out and I regularly wonder what John could have written. Here's my version of John's letter.

(Also, this is my 1st time writing anything, so this is a bit nerve- wracking stressful. Not a native speaker, no beta'd/ britpicked, and so on.)

Warnings: nothing too bad, just a bit lot of angst.

Broken

You broke me, Sherlock. You broke me in so many ways and I don't know if I can ever recover from it.

I have been damaged before. By Mum and Dad, by Harry. Bit by bit, piece by piece I rebuild myself, every time. Then came Afghanistan and it broke me more than anything before, inside and out. It took away my career, my future and I was certain that I could never fix what the war took from me. I was ready to end it all, on my own terms.

But then I met you and to my surprise you could repair what I could not, not on my own. You gave me purpose and brought back joy to my life. I felt alive. Needed. Happy. I don't think I've ever been this happy before, and I am sure I never will be again. I was convinced that you would never do anything to harm my happiness. But you did.

You broke me, shattered me when you jumped off that damn roof. You crushed my heart into a million pieces when you leapt into inevitable death, when I saw your skull cracked open and your dead eyes and the blood. So much blood. I didn't know that it was just a magic trick. A lie. Why did you have to lie to me, Sherlock? Not trust me enough to take me with you? I would have gone everywhere with you, done everything for you. Everything. I think that's what hurt the most. You not trusting me. I trusted you. With everything I had. And you broke that trust by not trusting me.

Happy six year anniversary to "everyone you love... They could be long dead. Everyone except me." To the way Cas never once considered he would be anywhere except by Dean's side for the rest of his existence. To Cas lying bloody and broken on the floor looking up at the man who was about to kill him, who he loved, who he was never supposed to love, who he continued to love so much he couldn't bring himself to mount any more than a defensive embrace much less fight back and actually hurt him.

Fuck 2020.

Brain eaters in the Brazos.