Aftermath - Varadha's Perspective - Chapter 2
(Italics are Telugu dialogue, brackets have translation to English)
"While I'm far away from you my baby
I know it's hard for you my baby
Because it's hard for me my baby
And The darkest hour is just before dawn"
- Dedicated to the One I Love by The Mamas and the Papas
Varadha drank alcohol for the first time on 20th March, 1986. He had his reasons. No Aai. No Deva. No Baba. No one cares. Nothing matters. And tomorrow was 21st March.
Varadha found whiskey bottles in Baba's office. He drank half of a bottle and it burned his throat. But after a while everything felt more peaceful. The constant noise in his brain was very distant.
He saw a young child running fast through the rooms, giggling, hiding behind doors and tables. He thought it was Baachi.
"Vara, kanna. Agaraa, parigethaku!!" ("Vara, love. Please stop running!!"), his mother called out. She was annoyed but she wasn't mad. So, Vara figured he can make her chase him for a few more minutes.
"Vachi kotha battalu vesko, kanna"("Put on these new clothes, my love"), Aai requested. "Bangarukonda, kadha?"("You are a mountain of gold, right?"), she cooed. She didn't speak for a little while. Vara realised his mother stopped following him. He tiptoed back to the hall and his mother caught him by surprise. She was tickling him, saying, "Patteskunna, Patteskunna, Rakshasudini"("I caught you, I caught you, monster"). Vara turned around laughing and hugged his mother. Aai's belly grew more and more everyday and she is now caressing her belly even in her sleep.
Varadha watched his younger self and his mother from afar not wanting to sully the purity of this memory. Aai looked so beautiful. He was unable to recall what festival they were celebrating.
His mother finally finished dressing Vara in festive clothes which were very itchy and not black and cool like his father's clothes. She was dressed in a violet pattu saree. She was sparkling in her gold jewellery. Aai was not listening to his stories about dinosaurs who eat leaves in the forest. How he is making this clever connection that dinosaurs are big, long necked goats.
"Aai, nuvvu vinatle, nenu cheppanu po!"("Aai, you are not listening. I won't tell you"), Vara dismissed his mother.
"Sorry raa kanna, nuvvu thvaraga thayaaru aipothe nenu nee katha vini, chappatlu kodatha Sarena? Neeku kotha katha kuda cheptha"("Sorry my love. If you get ready fastly, I will listen to your story and clap for you, okay? I will also tell you a new story"), Aai said as she kissed his cheek.
Varadha was listening in on this conversation and he was trying to recall what story his mother had told him later. He hated that he doesn't remember it anymore.
Now Aai and Vara sat on the sofa in the hall. Vara was safely tucked beside his mother and fell asleep.
Varadha looked at his younger self and envy bubbled inside him.
"Appudu ikkadike vasthavu raa, kanna, nuvvu" ("You always arrive here only, my love"), Aai said chuckling. Varadha shifted his gaze from his younger self to his mother. She was looking at him with such loving eyes.
"Eroju tharavatha manchi rojulu levu, Aai" ("There are no good days after this, Aai"), Varadha teared up.
"Baachi ippudu ilane unnada?" ("Does Baachi look like this, now?"), she asked curiously, threading her fingers through Vara's hair.
"Inka podugu" ("He is taller"), he replied.
"Anukunna" ("Thought so"), she said and beckoned him to sit beside her.
Varadha sat beside his mother to her left and rested his head on her shoulder.
Tears fell from his eyes and stained her golden blouse.
"Enni rojulu ayipoindhi kanna nuvvu vachi, kaani naaku antha thelusu. Sariga thinatam ledhu, padukovatledhu. Ippudu thagatam kuda" ("It has been so many days since you came here. But, I know everything. You are not eating properly. You are not sleeping properly. Now, you are drinking too"), she listed and whacked his head.
Varadha rubbed the back of his head to soften her blow.
"Repu Nanna raaka pothe, Nene karyakramam cheyali. Naaku cheyalani ledhu, Aai" ("If Father doesn't come tomorrow, I have to perform the rites. I don't want to do them, Aai"), Varadha admitted. Six years ago, his mother passed after giving birth to Baachi. Every year, his father performs Pinda Pradhaana ritual to honour Aai's memory on 21st March.
"Mee Nanna vastharu, Varadha. Maa madhyana unna Prema appatiki vuntundhi. Nuvvu kangaru padaku" ("Your father will come, Varadha. The love between him and I will always be there. Don't worry"), Aai reassured.
There was a knock on the door. His mother turned to him and hugged him fiercely. Varadha caressed her belly as she kissed him on the forehead.
"Naaku vellalani ledhu" ("I don't want to go"), Varadha said, gasping suddenly.
There was another knock on the door.
"Aaa, vasthunna" ("I am coming"), Aai shouted.
"Nenu kuda akkadiki vellatam ledhu, kanna. Nenu appudu neethone untanu" ("I am also not going anywhere, my love. I will always be with you, I promise"), she whispered into his ear.
He got up from the sofa and walked away from her. She picked up sleeping Vara into her arms and opened the door. His father was standing, smiling at the door in his black shirt and grey kurta. He took Vara from her arms and hugged her. He was talking to her but Varadha couldn't hear him. Everything was muted. He fell back into a dark room and felt breathless.
He woke up, gasping for air. After drinking some water, he fell back asleep immediately wishing he would get the same dream again.
Today was Baachi's birthday. For the past five years, on this day, Varadha and Baachi sat beside their father, as he dutifully completed the Pinda Pradhaana ritual in Devi Matha temple. This year, Varadha was unsure whether his father would come due to their fractured relationship.
To his relief, his father came and completed the ritual. When the three of them had to take a dip in the temple pond, Baachi got scared of getting into the water. Varadha comforted Baachi as his father watched from afar. He carried Baachi on his back and took a dip in the water.
His father's entourage was ready to leave after he put on some dry clothes. His father's assistant took Varadha to his father. His father spoke in a steady voice, "Baba and the drivers will be released from prison today."
Varadha's knees started to shake.
"Malli naa maata thappithe, naa koduku vani kuda choodanu, ardha maiyindha? Gelichaanu Ani anukoku. Idhi nee Aai kosam chestunna. Nee kosam kadhu. Edho oka roju, Dhaara pellam Inka koduku dhorukuthaaru. Vallu dhorikinappudu, nee Kalla mundhe vallani champutha, Sarena?"
("If you cross me again, I will not even consider that you are my son. Don't think that you have won. I am doing this for your mother. Not for you. One day, Dhaara's wife and son will be captured. When they are captured, I will kill them while you watch, okay?")
His father's eyes were burning. There was no love there. If there was any love, it was so shattered and twisted in his grief over his wife's death and the loss of this future of a happy family that was gone with her.
As soon as his father left, Varadha's knees gave out. He fell to the ground, crying and shaking. Baachi stood before him and said, "Endhuku, Anna, edusthunnav? Aai ki manam edisthe nacchadhu kadha, edavaku."("Why are you crying, brother? Aai doesn't like it when we cry, so, don't cry") He said it with such conviction that it made Varadha chuckle. He got up and took Baachi's hand.
"Baba eroju sayanthram intiki vasthaaru, manam emi chesi pedadham Baba thinadaaniki" ("Baba will come home by today evening. What dishes should we cook for him to eat?"), Varadha asked. Baachi chattered on listing all his favourite food items that he was sure Baba will also like to eat.
Go read @sinistergooseberries amazing fic here which gave me the idea to write the some of the dialogue in Telugu and then translate to English
I will publish on ao3 once I have the account setup.
