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#parabatai feels – @faejilly on Tumblr
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half agony, half hope

@faejilly / faejilly.tumblr.com

personal / fandom / writing [jillyfae on ao3]
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Anonymous asked:

185 + malec please

185. “If the choice comes down to my life or yours, I’m always going to choose yours.”
um, sorry nonny, I got parabatai feels all over your malec prompt. feel free to yell at me and ask for something else, if you are not a fan of such things.

Jace both loves and hates when Magnus is around when they’re fighting something. On the one hand, another person determined not to let Alec take every hit meant for someone else is always welcome. Extra firepower? Great. Back-up healing that doesn’t require you still have enough internal strength to power an iratze? Awesome.

On the other hand, Alec is even more protective than usual, which is saying something. He’s almost reckless with it, faster and sharper and impatient with any demons that take too long to die. 

Jace doesn’t know what to do with a parabatai who moves forward rather than pulling Jace back. He’d never realized how often his fighting style was purposefully balancing himself against that protective tug, pushing just far enough to let the metaphorical almost-fall give him extra momentum, let him swing faster and harder and farther. 

He adjusts of course, because he’s still good at what he does, because he can’t let Alec down, but it’s hard, and by the time the last demon falls he half wants to cry with exhaustion, half wants to wrap Alec up in about a dozen blankets and never let him out in the field again. 

But then Alec smiles at him, a short glimpse of honest gratitude rather than the exasperated sarcasm they usually share in public, and Jace can’t help but smile back.

And then Alec turns to Magnus, and his smile is even softer, and Magnus’ shoulders curve and he smiles back, and Jace holds in the snort of laughter. They’re ridiculous.

Not that he’s any better. Protecting Alec means protecting Magnus. Protecting Magnus circles back to protecting Alec, which is Jace’s preferred reason for just about anything, and one of the few things he and Magnus always agree on. Protecting Alec always comes first.

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If Clary and Izzy were to become parabatai when Clary returns to the Shadow World, I think it could make for some interesting character dynamics. Yes, there’s a very serious element to becoming parabatai – you’re trusting someone to have your back no matter what, granting them stewardship of a part of your very soul.

But there’s also an incredible amount of bickering.

.

Like how one day, Izzy has absolutely had it up to here – because yes, they needed to do something about the Mundane they saw under attack, and yes, they had to act quickly, but that doesn’t mean acting without thinking, Clary –

And suddenly, she remembers that there is someone who knows exactly how she feels right now, and she’s on the phone before she’s consciously registered it. ‘Izzy, hey-‘ ‘You and I should get t-shirts,’ she interrupts, not trying to hide her irritation. Alec’s quiet for a moment, and Izzy can practically see his frown of bafflement. ‘T-shirts?’ ‘Yeah,’ she grumbles. ‘Matching ones that say My Parabatai’s a Reckless Idiot.’ And Alec gives an exasperated sigh that morphs into a chuckle. ‘What did she do this time?’ And Izzy feels her chest ease a little, takes a deep breath, and starts to vent in earnest.

.

Another time, Clary slams the door when she gets home, and Jace looks up from the kitchen counter, poorly concealing his amusement. ‘Uh-oh. Who’s pissed you off, babe?’ ‘Isabelle,’ Clary practically hisses – before launching into a tirade about their latest hunt, Jace nodding along as he continues cutting up chicken and mushrooms for tonight’s dinner.

‘ – and I had it under control, but no, she had to just – just – argh, I swear, she’s the most stubborn, self-sacrificing-!’ She gives up on words, settling for a frustrated grunt, and flops down onto the couch. And Jace finally approaches her – somewhat carefully, even though he’s smiling by this point – and hands her a beer. ‘Yeah,’ he says, raising his own bottle towards her. ‘Welcome to the world of having a Lightwood for a parabatai. It’s a fucking nightmare sometimes.’

And his attempt at lightheartedness works – Clary laughs, her anger starting to fade into fond annoyance now that she’s said her piece. ‘Yeah,’ she agrees, clinking their bottles together before taking a swig. Her frustration hasn’t completely dissolved, but it’s nice to know that someone’s in the same boat.

.

And of course, it isn’t just the pairs of parabatai that end up with new confidants in the same position as they are. ‘You look glum, Seamus,’ Magnus says by way of greeting, and Simon looks up from the bright red flowers he was half-looking at, half-gazing through in the Institute greenhouse. ‘Hey,’ he says – and yeesh, Magnus is right. He sounds glum, too. ‘How come you’re back in town?’ ‘Meeting with Lorenzo, but don’t change the subject,’ Magnus says, taking a seat on the nearest bench, admiring a particularly tall cactus of some kind. ‘What’s got you down?’ And Simon sighs, taking the other half of the bench. ‘Izzy and I had a fight,’ he admits, slumping forward to rest his chin on his fists. ‘What did you do?’ ‘Nothing!’ Simon protests. ‘She and Clary were arguing, and she was telling me about it, and apparently I wasn’t as supportive as I thought I was being.’

Magnus chuckles. ‘Hm. Yes, I can imagine.’ He sighs, turning towards Simon. ‘All right, listen carefully, because this is going to happen more often than you think. Parabatai bicker a lot,’ he says. ‘Rule number one is obvious – until you’re sure that tempers have cooled, do not agree with the parabatai.’ ‘I didn’t, I agreed with her!’ ‘Well, then I’m guessing you broke rule number two,’ Magnus says, though he’s still smiling. ‘Don’t disagree with the parabatai. No, it doesn’t make sense,’ he says, holding up a hand to forestall Simon’s confusion. ‘And yes, that does in fact mean that there’s no right thing to say. Your safest bet is to nod and hum in agreement, without saying any actual words.’ His eyes light up in apparent revelation. ‘Oh – and bring ice cream,’ he adds.

Simon’s mouth twitches up into a reluctant smile. ‘Ice cream?’ Magnus nods solemnly. ‘I have a working theory that all Lightwoods have a secret weakness for ice cream. So far, I’ve tested Gabriel, Alexander – ‘ ‘Wait – Gabriel?’ Simon interrupts, alarmed. ‘Have I missed a whole other sibling, somehow?’ Magnus shakes his head, smiling. ‘No, don’t worry. I knew Gabriel over a century ago,’ he explains. ‘Anyway – I’ve tested my ice cream theory on Gabriel, Alec, Isabelle, Max, and Robert; and so far, I’m five for five.’ ‘Huh,’ says Simon. ‘Not Jace or Maryse?’ ‘No, as far as I can tell it’s passed on by blood,’ Magnus explains. ‘Which would explain why my own fondness for ice cream has neither increased nor decreased since changing my name.’

Simon shakes his head in amused incredulousness, leaning back in his seat and looking at the cactus they’re opposite. It’s one of those ones with the spines that look more like fur, the ones that have always annoyed him because they look like they’re soft when in fact they’re… well, cacti. ‘When did you even manage to test on Robert?’ he wonders aloud. Magnus huffs a laugh. ‘Alexander and I have been for dinner with him and Max four times now,’ he says. ‘And every time, without fail – no matter which establishment we’re in, no matter if it’s summer in L.A. or the middle of winter in Idris – Robert orders ice cream for dessert.’

Magnus leaves shortly after that. When Simon tentatively knocks on Izzy’s office door that evening, he’s greeted with a fierce hug, a soft kiss and a heartfelt apology. (And then when he pulls out the ice cream, she’s so happy that for a split-second, he worries that he spaced out and accidentally proposed ahead of schedule.)

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faejilly
It’s a two-for-one here today: @dailyclizzysource‘s #ClizzyYear Month 1: Favorite scene (parabatai) and @shadowhunterbingo​ Square 1: Pandemonium.
T / Isabelle Lightwood / post-canon / No Warnings Apply
(This is supposed to be pre-Clizzy pining, but can also be read as gen-fic until and unless I manage to write more of it. I think it’s important that they were friends, before and as well as anything else.)

Entreat me not to leave thee, Or return from following after thee—

Clary was at Pandemonium again. It was her favorite club; she went almost every weekend.

Izzy went almost every weekend, too. If Magnus and Alec were there, she ignored them. They ignored her back. They knew why she was there, and it wasn’t for them. (Sometimes the bartenders gave her drinks she hadn’t ordered, and she’d catch her brother or his husband slipping her a smile, and she knew they weren’t really ignoring her. But still, they left her alone, like she wanted, like she needed.)

At first she’d glamoured herself, lurked in corners like Alec used to do on his worst nights before they met Magnus, and just kept an eye on Clary.

It had been easy to stay hidden that way at first. To begin with, Clary had just gotten a few too many drinks, nursing them all night long as she stared at the crowds before staggering back to the apartment she shared with Luke. She thought her mother and surrogate sister and best friend had died in the same freak house fire that took out most of her possessions, thought she’d requested a delayed admittance to her art school, thought she’d taken a year off to rebuild a little.

Clary just needed a place that was away, a place that didn’t remind her of all she’d lost. Izzy didn’t let herself think too much about what it might mean, that the place she picked was this one, so close to the Shadow World that she’d forgotten, that would never forget her and what she’d sacrificed to save them.

She thought about it all the time, but she didn’t know what it meant, if it meant anything, if someday it would mean more, or less. She didn’t know if the angels meant this as a punishment, or a reward, for Clary, or for the rest of them. She didn’t know… she hated not knowing.

She told herself to wait and see. She told herself she just needed to know that Clary was safe as she grieved. She wasn’t lying to herself, not really. Maybe it wasn’t the whole truth, but it was close enough.

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Anonymous asked:

Separating parabatai like Jace and Alec seems like it’s a thing that’s Not Done and yet they did here -> tbh this was one of the things I really truly liked about the finale. Admittedly, I’m not a fan of parabatai as a concept and Alec’s relationship with Jace was particularly fraught/toxic for the better part of the show esp in s1. I feel like 3b and the finale left them in a much better and healthier place. So, if it takes some distance/separation to get there, I’m ok with it. Also, I ->

-> always felt like they were bound to go separate ways. Like they are too different personality- and career wise. So, idk it kind of feels logical to me. Besides, separation from the family is a normal and healthy thing. I’m sure many people here myself included don’t live with their parents/siblings anymore or don’t plan to live with them their whole life. Also, it’s not to start a fight or anything, just my thoughts 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s a fair take. Family’s don’t usually all live in each other’s pockets the way a lot of fanon portrays the Lightwoods.

But! While you can absolutely make the argument that the parabatai-bond is a deeply toxic concept the way the Nephilim practice it, the people in world aren’t ready to acknowledge that, so it seems weird to watch them ignore that bond and separate Jace & Alec.

It’s implied that Robert & Michael being separated was a big deal. That parabatai bond, even attenuated and distant as it was, was enough to send Jace to live with the Lightwoods ten years later.

Isabelle getting a fancy R&D job in a different Institute or Alicante or something? Fine. Alec doing politics in Idris? Also fine. Jace can be a soldier/trainer anywhere, and I get why he’d stay in NYC because Clary & Simon & Izzy etc, but it still felt a little awkward in terms of the world-building to me to have them separated and then ignore that in the snap-shots of the future. I’m not sure how they could have addressed it tbqh, but it still felt a little off. *shrug-emoji*

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It’s a two-for-one here today: @dailyclizzysource‘s #ClizzyYear Month 1: Favorite scene (parabatai) and @shadowhunterbingo​ Square 1: Pandemonium.
T / Isabelle Lightwood / post-canon / No Warnings Apply
(This is supposed to be pre-Clizzy pining, but can also be read as gen-fic until and unless I manage to write more of it. I think it’s important that they were friends, before and as well as anything else.)

Entreat me not to leave thee, Or return from following after thee—

Clary was at Pandemonium again. It was her favorite club; she went almost every weekend.

Izzy went almost every weekend, too. If Magnus and Alec were there, she ignored them. They ignored her back. They knew why she was there, and it wasn’t for them. (Sometimes the bartenders gave her drinks she hadn’t ordered, and she’d catch her brother or his husband slipping her a smile, and she knew they weren’t really ignoring her. But still, they left her alone, like she wanted, like she needed.)

At first she’d glamoured herself, lurked in corners like Alec used to do on his worst nights before they met Magnus, and just kept an eye on Clary.

It had been easy to stay hidden that way at first. To begin with, Clary had just gotten a few too many drinks, nursing them all night long as she stared at the crowds before staggering back to the apartment she shared with Luke. She thought her mother and surrogate sister and best friend had died in the same freak house fire that took out most of her possessions, thought she’d requested a delayed admittance to her art school, thought she’d taken a year off to rebuild a little.

Clary just needed a place that was away, a place that didn’t remind her of all she’d lost. Izzy didn’t let herself think too much about what it might mean, that the place she picked was this one, so close to the Shadow World that she’d forgotten, that would never forget her and what she’d sacrificed to save them.

She thought about it all the time, but she didn’t know what it meant, if it meant anything, if someday it would mean more, or less. She didn’t know if the angels meant this as a punishment, or a reward, for Clary, or for the rest of them. She didn’t know... she hated not knowing.

She told herself to wait and see. She told herself she just needed to know that Clary was safe as she grieved. She wasn’t lying to herself, not really. Maybe it wasn’t the whole truth, but it was close enough.

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Anonymous asked:

Not to be suddenly serious on your completely justified salt re: Jace -> my salt was bc s1 Jace was insufferable and frustrating!! Every time I really truly wanted to let it go or maybe cut him some slack bc I'm not entirely unsympathetic to him, he somehow managed to double down on his bs :/ Like I was willing to move on from him acting pissy when werewolves took Clary and the infamous 'maybe your mom..." in 1x05, but he, no, he dropped "yes, you did. you lost her" when Alec said he didn't do

anything Jace hadn't done before. What is worse this shit was followed by his entitled self-righteous behavior in 1x06 like you don't get to treat Alec crappy and then demand his help and act as if he's supposed to simply come around (unpopular opinion but I don't like their scene at the end of 1x06). And this is only one example! Thus, I'm like Alec's punches, verbal and actual ones alike, were lethal and brutal and I'm not unsympathetic to Jace but his stupid dumb ass had it coming

I mean

I agreed with your salt the first time nonny, but

Like

The show tells us that Jace loves Alec and would die for him. It tells us that he’s a good Shadowhunter, an excellent fighter and a valued soldier. That means that for everyone to believe such things (and they clearly do), historically he gets the job done, values the parabatai bond itself (we see that he was the one who pushed for it, in fact) and regularly protects Alec to the best of his ability. The show explicitly tells us all these things, makes it clear that’s how everyone else views their relationship, that that past is both well-known and well-supported by the other characters’ behavior.

Does the show actually show us any of that beyond a few brief moments in s1? No. But. It’s not, on a technical level, a very good show. It frequently says one thing and shows something else and clearly never notices the disconnect.

SO

This means, if we’re stupidly invested in the characters (like I am, obviously) we need to look at the show and decide what we think canon was trying to say, whether that’s actually what it said or not.

Where does that leave us with Jace?

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Anonymous asked:

It’s a compliment in terms of how much someone loves you but wow. So exhausting. I don’t know how Alec survived to 20 -> this is why despite the circumstances i'm glad alec kicked jace's ass (i especially love the punch after jace makes all alec's struggles about himself) and told him to fuck off for once. refreshing

It was. It was both an important and a cathartic ass-kicking. :D 

There’s a problem, when you’re a caretaker/protector on a pathological level (like Alec is) that you frequently don’t know when to step back. It can be hard to tell when someone who needed your care might have reached the point that they don’t anymore, especially when they’re still relying on it because they’re used to it. (And Jace did, in all honesty need the care Alec provided when they were younger.) 

But at some point, as the person being taken care of, it’s your responsibility to step outside of that, when you can, to stop making someone else do all the “work” in the relationship, to stop making them bear the weight of your life as well as their own, and Jace (for a lot of reasons, most of them perfectly understandable if not particularly complimentary to his self-awareness or maturity) never knew to do that, and Alec was completely incapable of asking him to. 

And part of why I have no trouble forgiving Jace for it, after the fact, is that he was so completely heart-broken when he realized that he’d driven Alec so far away, that Alec was that hurt because of him. 

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Shadowhunters (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Jace Wayland Characters: Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood, Jace Wayland Additional Tags: Parabatai Bond, Romance, Found Family Summary:

If Magnus is going to love Alexander (which of course he is) then he’s going to have to understand his parabatai and their bond, at least a little bit better than he does now. But he’s not entirely sure how or where to start…

The exploration of the parabatai bond in relation to Magnus and Alec’s relationship is one of my favourite things, and this is done beautifully and with sensitivity. Loved the narrative structure too!

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so

I have, relatively recently, started listening to @thedescentiseasypodcast WHICH IS AMAZING, 10/10, enjoying myself immensely

And I’ve made it to the end of the season 2a episodes, and I had a lot of bits of reactions as I went along that I entirely failed to write down to attempt to, you know, turn into proper thoughts I might want to talk about

but one little throwaway line about 2x8 Love is a Devil stuck? So apparently I want to say a thing.

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