When your friend tells you something good, but utterly incomprehensible

i know a lot of people mock when certain songs are overused on character playlists but I will never judge someone for putting bubblegum bitch on one. If you decided that your little tv guy is miss sugar pink liquor liquor lips who am I to say he’s not

It is that time, you have no choice,

So I was reading I May Be Some Time by Francis Spufford and

and

NORTHERN HEMISPHERE GANG WE MADE IT TO THE SHORTEST DAY. ITS ALL UPHILL FROM HERE

now 😏who’s up for a bit of a benjo 😏😏

parent cats are crazy because they have the protectiveness of a parent but at the end of the day theyre still just cats

your mama plays with toy mouse. and feather on stick

See, our first mistake was trying to have a civilization in northern Europe between October and February. The darkest three months of the year should be for staying home under the blankets, midwinter festivals, and getting blind drunk when the sun goes down at 4 pm like the bog gods intended.

boss calling me asking why I left work early, and I’m sitting in the peat bog with the slime up to my neck. no, I’m not coming in tomorrow, I say. the ghosts of my Paleolithic ancestors are whispering to me. fine, I say. yeah, I’ll get a doctor’s note. a skeletal hand erupts from the depths proffering a swamp-blackened chunk of birch bark. someone has scratched a perfectly filled out Arbeitsunfähigkeitsbescheinigung in an unknown pre-Indo-European language. it’s for a whole week off, which is nice. i pour a little of my whiskey out into the bog, as a token of appreciation.

i speak to the bog in halting proto-germanic bc it’s as close as i can get, but that’s like six thousand years too late for most of the bog gods, who haven’t been paying attention to mortal affairs since the Neolithic. the corpse of a dead Wendish prince translates for me. he’s spent a lot of time with other bog ghosts, and picked up a pretty stunning variety of languages. but sometimes he has to ask the others for help for tricky concepts like farming or the internet that the bog gods don’t have words for. O Gods of the Bog, i ask, what wisdom do you have for escaping the ennui of modern life?

there are distant ululations and strange misshapen figures stir in the mist. sacrifice your king to the bog, the reply comes. strangle him and throw his head into the mire, with offerings of iron and gold. i sigh. It’s no use trying to explain we don’t have a king anymore. That’s their answer to everything.

Thanks Google, just what I wanted!

Polar Exploration Heritage Post

modern nerd woosterposting and friends

The Posts are going viral again so sure, I'll dig through my drafts. Two of these were written for the same story. Can you guess which ones?

previously: millennial nerd bertie wooster for some reason, millennial nerd woosterposting part 2 act 1 act 1, ukridge buys bitcoin, psmith "meets" elon musk, modern nerd bertie wooster goes viral

watching a video on brewing Mesopotamian beer and look at this orange man (his ass cannot guard the barley)

you forgot the best one

they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"

My foster dog’s adventures in motherhood

Some more

I'm kind of obsessed with how Patrick Stewart is Not gay. He's literally straight he just acts like that. Ian McKellen is gay so it's easy to think logically that so is Patrick Stewart but he's not. Unparalleled. Don't call yourself an ally unless you kiss your gay friends on the mouth

And it'd be easy to think Well maybe he's just private about it because he's old, yknow. But literally at this point I think he'd be like "oh yeah I'm bi I just like marrying women" or whatever if he Was. If he was closeted he wouldn't be publically kissing Ian McKellen on the mouth. I think he just went to Shakespeare School with a bunch of queens and that's where he learned how to socialize

I mean his book does talk about exactly this.

“I was around a lot of gay people and imitated their flamboyant mannerisms. Anyway here’s a half dozen times I nearly ruined my life because I was hypnotized by a beautiful woman.”