The Signs as Eurovision Cliches

Aquarius: that Gay™ Jam with the dance routine

Virgo: the Eastern European power ballad

Libra: the ‘we don’t want to win pleas don’t vote for us lmao’ entry

Sagittarius: the unnecessarily sexy song

Taurus: 12 points to your neighbors rule

Aries: nul points for the UK

Gemini: the song that spent the entire budget on lights and shooting fire

Pisces: the song that just doesn’t make sense. at all.

Leo: the Nordic entry that wants to be Lordi but can’t

Capricorn: Graham Norton’s amazing commentary

Scorpio: that awkward shout out to China

Cancer: the middle of the show musical number by the hosts that is either cheesy or brilliant or both

the new astrology is the french revolutionary calendar 

reblog w whatever agricultural thing corresponds to your birthday

the signs as strange weather phenomena

Why the Signs Are Problematic

Aries: your mom still does your laundry

Taurus: you’re an awful gardener and kill every plant you touch

Gemini: you read books for fun

Cancer: all of you literally look like you’re 12

Leo: puns

Virgo: you can’t watch scary movies

Libra: you have the absolute worst sense of direction

Scorpio: most likely to hate memes

Sagittarius: you double dip everything and i hate it

Capricorn: pokemon

Aquarius: tbh the dad jokes need to stop

Pisces: still emo

the signs as lyrics from hozier's debut album

aries: “her eyes and words are so icy, oh but she burns like rum on the fire. hot and fast and angry as she can be, i walk my days on a wire.” cherry wine

taurus:  “we’ll lay here for years or for hours, thrown here or found, to freeze or to thaw. so long, we’d become the flowers.” in a week

gemini: “when i was kissin’ on my baby and she put her love down soft and sweet in the low lamp light, i was free, heaven and hell were words to me.” work song

cancer:  “you don’t understand, you should never know how easy you are to need. don’t let me in with with no intention to keep me, jesus christ, don’t be kind to me.” it will come back

leo: “you’re familiar like my mirror years ago. idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword, innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know.” from eden  

virgo: “would things be easier if there was a right way? honey, there is no right way.” someone new

libra: “i will not ask you where you came from, i will not ask and neither should you. honey just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do.” like real people do

scorpio: “all you have is your fire and the place you need to reach. don’t you ever tame your demons but always keep them on a leash.” arsonist’s lullaby

sagittarius: “we are deaf, we are numb, free and young and we can feel none of it.” sedated

capricorn: “her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me, but still my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man’s beliefs.” foreigner’s god

aquarius: “happy to lie back, watch it burn and rust, we tried the world, good god, it wasn’t for us.” jackie and wilson

pisces: “if i’m a pagan of the good times, my lover’s the sunlight.” take me to church

the signs as cat body parts

Aries: fluffy tail Taurus: super tickly whiskers Gemini: pretty eyes Cancer: back lil’ paws Leo: smol tongue Virgo: cute ears Libra: the tum tum Scorpio: smol nose Sagittarius: v soft scruff Capricorn: front lil’ paws Aquarius: super dangerous lil teeth Pisces: v pettable chest

The only astrology post i care about. Like no matter what u get how can u be mad

Could Possibly Take Over The World Together

♈️ Aries and Leo ♌️

♏️ Scorpio and Capricorn ♑️

♋️ Cancer and Pisces ♓️

♉️ Taurus and Virgo ♍️

♐️ Sagittarius and Aquarius ♒️

♊️ Gemini and Libra ♎️

#RACHEL LETS GO

Signs that hate country music

aries, taurus, gemini, cancer, leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagittarius, capricorn, sagittarius, aquarius, pisces

finally a horoscope post that isnt fake

The Signs as Zuko Quotes

Aries - I know you’re nervous, but remember firebending in and of itself is not something to fear. But if you don’t respect it, IT’LL CHEW YOU UP AND SPIT YOU OUT LIKE AN ANGRY KIMODO RHINO!

Taurus - I’m never happy.

Gemini - I don’t need any calming tea! I need to capture the Avatar!

Cancer - You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun.

Leo - Shut your mouth, you Water Tribe peasant!

Virgo - It keeps exploding in my face. Like everything always does.

Libra - You’re so beautiful when you hate the world.

Scorpio - My scar is NOT on the wrong side!

Sagittarius - Why am I so bad at being good?

Capricorn - That’s cute. But this isn’t Air Temple preschool! It’s the real world.

Aquarius - I should be happy now, but I’m not. I’m angrier than ever and I don’t know why!

Pisces - I don’t need luck, though. I don’t want it. I’ve always had to struggle and fight, and that’s made me strong. It’s made me who I am.

Who will die on the titanic?

Aries- no Taurus- no Gemini- no Cancer- no Virgo- no Libra- no Scorpio- no Sagittarius- no Leo- yes Capricorn- no Aquarius- no Pisces- no

The Signs as Les Miserables Songs

Aries: Building the Barricade (Upon These Stones) Taurus: Little People Gemini: A Heart Full of Love Cancer: One Day More Leo: ABC Cafe/Red and Black Virgo: Javert’s Suicide Libra: Who Am I? Scorpio: Stars Sagittarius: Every Day Capricorn: The Attack on the Rue Plumet Aquarius: Do You Hear the People Sing? Pisces: Bring Him Home

MARCH ADVICE FOR THE SIGNS //  (x.v)