So there’s a Twitter bot that retweets random tweets that happen to rhyme. On election night, these slapdash poems got surprisingly poignant, if dark…

JET FUEL CAN’T MELT DANK MEMES

OOH MY GOD, IM GLAD I READ THIS

@phillyderp

Nobody

Republican Campaign Committee Attacks Double Amputee Rep. For ‘Not Standing Up’ For Veterans

Trump offers Jeb the position of running-mate to humiliate him further but Jeb assassinates him when he least expects

It’s like Hamlet

the ghost of George H.W. Bush appears to Jeb and tells him to restore honor to the Republican Party

Watch: When Mitt Romney makes the same points as John Oliver, you know shit’s gone south.

Oh my god

oh my fucking god

Reblog if you have been personally murdered by Ted Cruz

My mom doesn’t believe that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer and I’m trying to prove a point.

This election is the gift that keeps on giving.

ted cruz and ben carson played 7 minutes in heaven

http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/02/ted-cruz-and-ben-carson-held-a-secret-meeting-inside-a-closet “The arch nemeses selected the storage closet because it was ‘neutral ground,’ as are all storage closets, where conventional laws do not apply. The meeting lasted for nearly 25 minutes, with a Secret Service detail standing outside, at one point informing a Republican operative, ‘Yeah, they’re in that closet.‘”

From the Washington Post:

Two candidates for president walk into a closet diametrically opposed, foes they emerge half an hour later having slammed shut doors that were previously closed, gross Carson emerges bemused and bewildered his advisers report that “it did not go well” Cruz emerges with nothing but bad optics and what’s weird as hell

NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE IN THE CLOSET THERE IN THE CLOSET THERE IN THE CLOSET NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE IN THE CLOSET THERE IN THE CLOSET THERE IN THE CLOSET

At first they were at no but now it’s NO up to eleven you win or die with every game of X Minutes In Heaven we just assume that they lost it but no one else was there in the closet

Carson claims the Cruz campaign was on the defensive and sensing defeatCarson claims Ted Cruz begged, “I’d love to mend this fence if you’re willing to meet”

Carson claims, “At first I was pensive, I offered my greenroom, he beat a retreat”Carson claims, “So I said, ‘Let’s pause it, I’ll go in and then you. The venue? This closet!’ ”

BUT No one else was there in the closet there in the closet there in the closet no one else was there in the closet there in the closet there in the closet

No one really knows when the parties started bitchin’ in the place where you might find a lion and a witch in just some hangers and a bored robe no one else was there in the wardrobe

Meanwhile Carson is expected to address a rally and staff knock and knock to find out if he’s ready

Meanwhile Journalists are asking SO TED CRUZ IS IN THE CLOSET, NOW, I GUESS? It’s getting petty

Ben and Ted are having an excellent adventure Though they’re meeting with no success upon this joint venture“Maybe it was that Ben Carson was not prepared,” advisers, asked about it later, all declared.

He felt snared and so the talk didn’t go and Ted Cruz took the news with equanimity, or blaming CNN whichever course appealed to him precisely then when Carson nixed his apology for trying somewhat dirty tricks but

no one else was there in the closet there in the closet there in the closet no one else was there in the closet there in the closet there in the closet

MY GOD almost certainly got evoked but we’re not sure which of the parties choked we just surmise what could cause it since no one else was there in the closet

DR. CARSON MR. CRUZ WHAT DID THEY SAY TO YOU TO MAKE YOU THINK THIS WAS NOT EXTREMELY SILLY DR. CARSON MR. CRUZ YOU SPENT HALF AN HOUR TALKING IN A CLOSET! PEOPLE! SERIOUSLY, REALLY?

DR. CARSON MR. CRUZ Or did you know, even then, it doesn’t matter in the slightest where you talked? Because Trump is in the lead The whole race is insane And we’ve busted the myth of the establishment lane

No one knows what is happening, in closets or not Or who will poll better, the kettle or the pot Every fact is absurd, never mind what’s at stake Reality outstrips any joke you could make Every satire’s in vain As for reasons, there’s far more To stand in an armoire Than anything else that we’ve seen this campaign —

@linmanuel

@linmanuel @linmanuel @linmanuel

YAAAAAAAAAAAASSS

Easily the tweet of the year

there are some typos you let slide, but saying that donald trump was “surprisingly clam” in an interview instead of “calm” is not one of them

This may be the most accurate analogy I have seen

a vote for bernie is a vote for our future

AND TIME TRAVEL 

Stephen Colbert and Stephen King concoct a scary story

Best Trump shade I’ve seen so far

Presidential Candidate Donald Trump Revealed to be Robot Controlled by Scrappy Doo.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

REBLOG TO DELETE DONALD TRUMP

ahahahaha i already forgot i installed this