me when offered soda: yes. love the bübblés me when offered water: yes! a fresh and sexy beverage me when offered sparkling water: Why Are You Trying To Murder Me Under The Guise Of Hospitality

I’m gonna keep saying it: sparkling water is Angry Water and I do not need that kind of negativity in my life

the real struggle in 2004

animals sit in the woods and scream “I WANT TO FUCK!!!!!!” and thats just the culture

Sometimes u just gotta make yourself a quesadilla and move the fuck on

The worst part about this post??? People saying “with cheese!” Bitch cheese is literally in the word if it had no cheese it would be a dilla

in some places a quesadilla doesnt include cheese

JESUS CHRIST

“I’m a horrible father”

THE BEST PART IS THE GIRL IN THE MIDDLE JUST SO DONE

AND THE FACT THAT THIS FAMILY IS MORE MULTI CULTURAL THAN A PUBLIC SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS TEXTBOOK

The girl in the middle is just like “Damn it, Dad.”

One of my favorite things in life is when a guy lays on me with his head on my chest like a big baby and I get to run my fingers through his hair.

i witnessed the most fascinating thing today imo…my 4th grade art class were talking while they did their work and one of them was like “if you work hard all your life…….it means NOTHING” and their response was to all crack up and start running with this bit like. “you work all your life on an oil painting. the mayor comes in. he says ‘i didn’t even ask you to do that painting.’” they kept going giving examples of nothing mattering and laughing hysterically. they’re 9. like, we think OUR humor is depressing or w/e, how are THEY going to be

Millennials are depressed but the Gen Z kids are straight up nihilists

harry potter was so messed up guys

not the book series

the character

he was so messed up like he lived in a closet and was hungry and treated like crap and no one helped him escape that life for a decade and then he finally gets to know his heritage and his family and oops kiddo you’re kind of famous?? wizard jesus??? so deal with that without any kind of adult guidance whatsoever you’re eleven and grew up in a house without any kind of emotional support you’re mature enough to handle that and THEN he finds out that he’s actually got people in this world that want him and want to love him and he finds out that… this world… hates them???  like one’s a werewolf and the other is a “criminal” and this world that celebrates his life hates the people that want to genuinely love him and care for him??? and the family that also loves and protects him are treated like crap because they are poor?????? and aren’t racist??? 

then he grows up a bit more and then suddenly he’s got this fuckin’ genocidal war lord out for his head specifically and he’s killing people and shit and NO ONE BELIEVES HIM they literally look at him like YEAH RIGHT YOU ARE JUST THE LITTLE BABY THAT SURVIVED A BAD NIGHT YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING and Harry’s like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

YOU KNOW WHAT NO FUCK YOU

and then he starts a club to teach kids… how to protect themselves?  Because he’s been let down by adults all his damn life so fuck them fuck them all he doesn’t need them they won’t listen to him so he’ll do what he can to protect these kids because the adults won’t do it it’s all on him he’s gotta do it he’s gotta

and then people that love him and want to protect him just for the sake of protecting a friend start dying one by one

and then he fuckin learns that all his fuckin life he’s been raised to be killed and he just

walks into the forest calmly 

and accepts it

WHAT THE FUCK 

please remember that if your stomach didnt fold when you sit, slouch, or bend over your tummy skin would rip in half when you stood up again

this is both terrifying and reassuring. thanks

Daughter tells her Dad he’s going to be a Grandpa [x]

When he says “really” ;’)

Never leave this un-reblogged

What a dear human being he is. 

OMG YAY!

hey what if someone invented a machine that allowed women to transfer their pregnancies to men and then the government passed a law that if a woman didn’t want to have a baby the biological father was required to carry it how fast do you think birth control would stop being an issue

BEST NIGHTBLOG POST EVER

“IT’S UNETHICAL TO FORCE PEOPLE TO CARRY A BABY!!!!” MEN SHOUT

“NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!” WOMEN REPLY