@everythingelsegoesherethen / everythingelsegoesherethen.tumblr.com
TBH, we can’t wait for the inevitable day that @vitoriabas teams up with J.K. Rowling herself to illustrate the forthcoming edition of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Hashtag-Ban (IT’s A FIRST DRAFT, OKAY?). But until then, we get to keep soaking up her brilliant HP imaginings. Today, as a balm for your finals-addled brains, we present an array of the unsung heroes of the Potterverse—click here to see all 20!!!
The wizarding world you thought you knew is much larger than you imagined. ✨
well im on fire
What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect–what if she took him in?
Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them).
Let’s tell a story where Petunia Dursley found a baby boy on her doorstep and hated his eyes–she hated them. She took him in and fed him and changed him and got him his shots, and she hated his eyes up until the day she looked at the boy and saw her nephew, not her sister’s shadow. When Harry was two and Vernon Dursley bought Dudley a toy car and Harry a fast food meal with a toy with parts he could choke on Petunia packed her things and got a divorce.
Harry grew up small and skinny, with knobbly knees and the unruly hair he got from his father. He got cornered behind the dumpsters and in the restrooms, got blood on the jumpers Petunia had found, half-price, at the hand-me-down store. He was still chosen last for sports. But Dudley got blood on his sweaters, too, the ones Petunia had found at the hand-me-down store, half price, because that was all a single mother working two secretary jobs could afford for her two boys, even with Vernon’s grudging child support.
They beat Harry for being small and they laughed at Dudley for being big, and slow, and dumb. Students jeered at him and teachers called Dudley out in class, smirked over his backwards letters.
Harry helped him with his homework, snapped out razored wit in classrooms when bullies decided to make Dudley the butt of anything; Harry cornered Dudley in their tiny cramped kitchen and called him smart, and clever, and ‘better ‘n all those jerks anyway’ on the days Dudley believed it least.
Dudley walked Harry to school and back, to his advanced classes and past the dumpsters, and grinned, big and slow and not dumb at all, at anyone who tried to mess with them.
But was that how Petunia got the news? Her husband complained about owls and staring cats all day long and in the morning Petunia found a little tyke on her doorsep. This was how the wizarding world chose to give the awful news to Lily Potter’s big sister: a letter, tucked in beside a baby boy with her sister’s eyes.
There were no Potters left. Petunia was the one who had to arrange the funeral. She had them both buried in Godric’s Hollow. Lily had chosen her world and Petunia wouldn’t steal her from it, not even in death. The wizarding world had gotten her sister killed; they could stand in that cold little wizard town and mourn by the old stone.
(Petunia would curl up with a big mug of hot tea and a little bit of vodka, when her boys were safely asleep, and toast her sister’s vanished ghost. Her nephew called her ‘Tune’ not 'Tuney,’ and it only broke her heart some days.
Before Harry was even three, she would look at his green eyes tracking a flight of geese or blinking mischieviously back at her and she would not think 'you have your mother’s eyes.’
A wise old man had left a little boy on her doorstep with her sister’s eyes. Petunia raised a young man who had eyes of his very own).
Petunia snapped and burnt the eggs at breakfast. She worked too hard and knew all the neighbors’ worst secrets. Her bedtime stories didn’t quite teach the morals growing boys ought to learn: be suspicious, be wary; someone is probably out to get you. You owe no one your kindness. Knowledge is power and let no one know you have it. If you get can get away with it, then the rule is probably meant for breaking.
Harry grew up loved. Petunia still ran when the letters came. This was her nephew, and this world, this letter, these eyes, had killed her sister. When Hagrid came and knocked down the door of some poor roadside motel, Petunia stood in front of both her boys, shaking. When Hagrid offered Harry a squashed birthday cake with big, kind, clumsy hands, he reminded Harry more than anything of his cousin.
His aunt was still shaking but Harry, eleven years and eight minutes old, decided that any world that had people like his big cousin in it couldn’t be all bad. “I want to go,” Harry told his aunt and he promised to come home.
why did molly weasley have kids named bill, charlie, percy, fred, george and ronald and then call her last one ginevra
They’re all derivatives of the Knights of the round table. Ginevra comes from Guinevere.
Their dad is Arthur too so
*bangs head against tabletop for not ever realizing this*
Reasons why I should not be an English Major, here they all are.
I’m reading up on chocolate frog cards in the Harry Potter universe, for reasons, and-
“Came up with the ever changing floor plan.”
Really, Ravenclaw? Really?
“You know what this school needs? To not make any sense-”
“Rowena, I don’t think-”
“Exactly, you don’t think. I’m brilliant and this is perfect. Moving staircases, walls that think they’re doors-”
“But how will the students get to class?”
“They’ll have to figure it out.”
“…”
“Everyday. They will figure it out everyday. My students will live in a tower and navigate these stairs every time.”
“The stairs move! This doesn’t seem safe…I think I’ll put my common room in the basement, Rowena.”
“Ditto. I think the dungeons would be safer…”
“…My kids will brave these stairs. I’ll take the other tower.”
#Rowena snipes that ‘cunning’ means Salazar’s students should be able to handle the moving architecture#Salazar snipes back that ‘cunning’ means knowing when and how to avoid unnecessary bullshit#meanwhile Godric is just yelling PARKOUR! and Rowena is all That’s Not What I Meant#Helga would like her students to make it to class on time and without any broken bones#ninety percent of the reliable secret passages were a team effort by Helga and one of the others#to make sure the house elves could get around all right (via @mzminola)
#i feel like the collaboration was probably hufflepuff and slytherin#in the only time they ever worked together#helga: students and house elves can move safely!#salazar: more places to hide snakes#salazar is like we should make these accessible to people with no legs#helga is like i mean i agree but why are you being so nice about this#salazar is like no reason hey I’m just gonna make some of these rely on snake language for fun#do you think a fifty foot snake would fit in this passage asking for a friend (via @dinosauriaawesome)
i’m literally crying this is 100% what happened
(hey tumblr please don’t delete the previous people’s comments like you did the last time i added someone’s tags to a post mmkay)
No but that’s actually so clever okay like the people who live in the castle would get a general idea of the patterns and how to move around efficiently but like for anyone planning on attacking it would be impossible to infiltrate like how the hell do I attack the headmaster when I can’t even find the bathroom why the fuck am I in a chemistry supply closet okay these stairs went to the main hall but now I’m on my way to the broom closets holy fucking shit fuck leonard SAID the dorm was on the left of the three headed hippogriff but I’m here and it’s just a painting of a man with a donkey face is this a fucikgin joke leonard do you think this is funny because it’snot. its not okay siri how the hell do i get to the nearest anything “here is: the nearest painting” like fuck you siri
actually considering all this, the changing floorplan probably worked exactly as designed when it came to the battle of hogwarts in the late 90′s. the invasion was towards the end of the term, so the students, especially the renegade students in hiding, had the full term to master getting around the school quickly, quietly, and efficiently. the invading deatheaters were generally their parents’s ages, and hadn’t been back to hogwarts in several decades, if they’d even attended at all. so, while the adult invaders easily outmatched the adolescent defenders in strength and skill, hogwarts was a lethal maze to the deatheaters, while it was home to the kids.
rowena knew what the fuck she was doing.
OKAY BUT MOST PEOPLE DON’T BUILD THEIR SCHOOLS IN A WAY THAT KILLS STUDENTS JUST IN CASE THERE IN ATTACK IN THE NEXT FEW MILLENIA. Honestly I want to know which had more casuaties: the Battle of Hogwarts, or trying to walk through Hogwarts.
Crabbe and Goyle are so slow because of all the generations of pureblood inbreeding.
Based on the calculations of an inspired fan, we put together a list of how many galleons you can expect to shell out to peep the next Chudley Cannons game.
Once you reach your 6th Year in Hogwarts, you start to get used to all the shit.
Still one of my favorite posts.
remus and sirius banding together and using heightened senses of smell to sniff out all the bad berti botts every flavored beans and putting all of them in one carton and giving them to James
100% SURE IT HAPPENED AT SOME POINT
george weasley looking in the mirror of erised and seeing what appears to just be his reflection until he notices it has both ears
he wonders why the mirror thinks an ear is his heart’s desire and then he realises that isn’t what it’s saying
I’d bet five galleons that George Weasley asked McGonagall out to the Yule Ball on a dare.
I bet that Fred popped up before she could reply and acted betrayed (“YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL, HOW COULD YOU?) and they proceed to have a fake fight over who gets to take her to the ball. Meanwhile McGonagall is trying to be stern and not laugh because it reminds of when Sirius tried to ask Dumbledore out and had almost the exact same fight with James
my biggest issue about the harry potter epilogue is that these people, these characters, were children in a war and they watched people die in front of them and die for them. they tried to kill; they tortured. some scars don’t fade - surely that’s the point of harry’s still being there, to remind us and the wizarding world of what he (and they all) went through
you mean to tell me that these kids come out from that war fine? no trauma, no mental health issues like anxiety or ptsd. nothing to do with how they struggled to unlearn constant vigilance or if they still sleep with their wands under their pillows. if molly weasley still watches the clock when arthur is late home, jst in case. if harry doesn’t treat every headache as a sign that voldemort is somehow back. how harry worried about bringing up his children when he has not much of a concept of how to raise a child, other than what not to do? how george copes with the loss of fred, with seeing that ghost in the mirror?
i wonder if draco can look at necklaces on pretty girls in the same way. if pansy parkinson was vilified in the press; they’re fickle, so she probably was. what happened to sirius’s old house? does harry still have hedwig’s empty cage? does ginny ever wake up from a dream and find herself stood by the sink in their bathroom, hissing to the taps?
Recently I’ve seen lot of posts where McGonagall freaks out when Harry’s children start Hogwarts and I know it sounds funny but it really bothers me that some people think this is something she would do.
Let’s just remember that she:
- fought and survived THREE wars. - had to deal with the marauders AND Voldemort’s inner circle when they were young. - kept the Weasley twins at bay. - perfectly managed a school full of teenagers when every year a psychopath tried to kill Harry. - had to bury most of her dearest and brilliant students. - had to deal with the fact she is one of the main reasons why the Death Eaters were really good, she taught them well and then used this knowledge to kill. - spent months living in constant mortal peril when Snape was headmaster and never cared about her safety, her main concern were her students. - HAD TO ALWAYS FIX DUMBLEDORK STUPID MISTAKES BECAUSE HE HAD NO CLUE ABOUT HOW TO MANAGE A SCHOOL AND ALWAYS KEPT HER IN THE DARK UNTIL THE SHIT HIT FAN THEN IT WAS HER RESPONSABILITY TO SAVE THE DAY. - was only “defeated” once and it was because she was fighting against FOUR Aurors when they tried to arrest Hagrid. - was feared and respected even by the Death Eaters and the corrupted Ministry of Magic. - classy dealt with Dolores Umbridge even when her career was in danger.
Do you really think she would be scared of a bunch of kids just for their last name?!
Come on! She will be like “Finally! I was getting really bored”.
Those children are so not ready for Minerva “McBadass” McGonagall.
McGonagall’s wand is made of fir which is literally called “the survivor’s wand” (x). Even her wand knows that nobody fucks with McGonagall. Remember that time she took multiple Stunning Spells to the chest that should have killed her?
Honestly those kids should be scared of her.
soulmate au where instead of your soulmates first words to you written on your skin it’s their last words you ever hear them say so you don’t know who your soulmate is until you lose them
“Lily take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run! “I’ll hold him off!”
A wave of ice surged through Lily’s chest before she even stopped to comprehend what James was saying. For a moment as she fled up the stairs, she wasn’t thinking of Voldemort or her son’s safety. James’s words rang in her head as she fled, the words that had been inscribed on her skin since before she knew how to read them.
And there was fear, of course, for herself and for Harry, but they also had a second of hope however impossible. James was the one whose last words she had just heard. James was the one past saving.
She heard his body hit the floor.
Lily pushed everything in the room against the door, frantic and nearly hysterical, but pushing through her grief to protect her son.
Still the tears came and seconds before Voldemort blasted aside her makeshift barricade, she couldn’t help but think that all those times James Potter had teasingly declared himself her soulmate, he had been right.
Arrogant, selfless, brilliant arse that he was, he was right.
And he was gone.
DO YOU GET THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT
HE KNEW FIRST
SHE SAID THE LAST WORDS HE WOULD HEAR HER SAY AND HE REALIZED HE WASNT GOING TO HEAR HER SAY ANYTHING ELSE, THAT ONE OF THEM WAS GOING TO DIE HERE
AND HE MADE A CHOICE
