the only heaven I’ll be sent to is when I’m alone with you

hey yo when Dean wakes up and rolls over and sees Cas’s still sleeping face the first thing that comes out of his mouth is “Hello heaven” Cas is awake in a second, eyes flashing open as he looks at Dean “What…did you call me?” and it’s full speed backwards as Dean is trying to physically climb out of the bed in his attempt to get away but Cas is faster and he pins him down his hips on his hips as he demands he call him that again and Dean is flushed growling at Cas to ‘geroff me’ and Cas moves his hips back and says “Say it again” and Dean looks to the side and goes “Hello heaven” and Cas fucking /moans as his hips slide backwards on Dean’s crotch “Again” “Heaven” “Ohhh…” And /now that has Dean’s interest “Heaven” “Dean…” Dean’s smirking now, dragging his hips up and fucking into Cas as close as he can get through both of their boxers “Heaven” And Cas claps a hand over his mouth which Dean forces down drags a hand through his hair and pulls him down to whisper, his voice sleep and now arousal roughed “Like that angel?” Cas can only nod as he shakes in Dean’s grasp Dean spends the next two hours finding out if heaven has a sound He does It’s quite pretty

Inspiration

the greatest irony was that it took me being myself before people loved me. i know that’s all they shoved down my throat for years: that if i was just me, just all of myself, unapologetically - somehow, people would feel that. but the thing was: i didn’t want to be myself. i hated every inch of who i knew i was, the person that itched under the surface of a veneer i’d carefully crafted. the real me was meaner, more sarcastic, less tolerant, less patient, was selfish and ugly and emotional. i knew that it meant no one could love me for being me. 

it took being so broken that i didn’t care how people saw me before i acted the way i’d wanted to for years. i spoke up in class. i said the comeback that was on my tongue. i didn’t let others walk over me. i stood up. it was a strange experience, watching people react to that. my sharp words were agreed with, laughed about, seconded. the impatience with chaos was understood as leadership. the selfishness was not as bad as i thought it was, but rather just occasionally providing for myself first. 

it is very strange and backwards and half-awful that what i was running from for so long was what it took to make me whole. that being genuine also gave me back the good things again: i was funny and quick and talented. and it gave me honesty. it gave me people being calm around me. in my lack of fear, in the fact i didn’t mind being the first to be wrong, to be a mess, to be who i was (and terribly unperfect) - people relaxed their own masks around me. so many were wearing such thick ones, such well-polished versions of who they needed to be.

and underneath was the same things that i had been hiding. bravery. wit. cunning. kindness. vulnerability. 

it is amazing who people are when they are not trying. it is amazing how hard not trying really is. it is amazing how long it took me before i was okay with it. sometimes i still do, even though i sort of resent it. there are many bad things about me still. but there are many better qualities that i forgot to admit to. 

it is strange that for so long i tried to be perfect when people aren’t looking for perfection at all. they are looking for someone who is like them, and flawed.

How to love yourself

Breathe in. Know that somewhere in the world a wave is rolling onto the shoreline In that exact moment. You are it. Breathe in. Know that you are connected To every blade of grass in a stream Every wind that blows Every tear that falls. Breathe in. Know that you are everything you need Everything you want Everything you could possibly ask for. Breathe in. Force air into your bloodstream Make your cells come /alive. Breathe in. Look at the world Breathe in. Feel the moon slip across the sky. Breathe in. Feel the love you have Inside yourself Yourself Breathe in. Stop. Feel yourself Feel every comet that squeaks across the sky Feel the safety you have been granted Feel the /adventure you have in front of you. Breathe in. Let /love in Let the world in Breathe in. Know that you are Irish sunlight and smoky glass and you are the waves lapping on a Nigerian shoreline Breathe in. You are adequate you are /magnificent you are the world watching itself Breathe in. Let your eyes see the death of the sun And watch it rise again. If it does so You will too. You destroy You create A tiny tiny God. Breathe in. You are every pain that has ever been felt Every timeline Every burning muscle of everything that has ever existed You are one. You are one. Breathe in. You curl And unfurl Breathe in. You are cold hands And clammy feet And nervous twitches at a first date. Breathe in. You are complete in yourself You are. Breathe in. You are A rush. Breathe in. You are kindness and softness and fear. You are. Breathe in. You will.

Breathe in. You are wings Across the sky And hooves striking the ground. Breathe in. You are love. Breathe in. You feel. Breathe in. Life is you. Breathe in. And you are life. Breathe in. You are age and youth and forest blanketing across the world Breathe in. You are a cat’s purr And a grandmother’s soothed heart. Breathe in. You are the plush feel of a carpet sinking in between your toes And a cold cold night. Breathe in. You are the warm ache of home. Breathe in. You are every injustice ever suffered. Breathe in. You are every stranger’s kindness. Breathe in. You are Stardust, Truly Just see. Breathe in. You are inspiration In it is purest rawest form Breathe in. You are a gift a blink an eternity. Breathe in. You are a touch A sound a smile you are what you are to others you are by yourself you are you are you are Breathe in.

Breathe in. Death is not the end. Breathe in. You are a child’s cry A stretching of lips A jubilant woop An excited swallow. And the egg in its nest. Breathe in. You are where you are. You are here. Breathe in. Step forward move back Dance- they call it. Breathe in. You are clasped fingers and a decision to make. Breathe in. You are faltering chit chat And hallway silence Breathe in. You are A Change Breathe in. You are So much So Breathe In. You are a photograph in a moving picture. Breathe in. You are a small hill and a memory. Breathe in. You are long fights and knicked pencils. Breathe in. You are a pen cap on the ground. Breathe in. You are drifting drifting clouds move slowly Breathe in. You are hurricanes and monsters under your bed and stockinged feet Breathe in. You are living. My dear. My dearest. It is nice to see you again. Breathe in.

Breathe in. You are everything. You are everything Breathe out. Close your eyes. And breathe again.

Pirate!England _(:3 」∠)_

He must have been missing his great old days