literally delusional

completely obsessed with the way that wwx and lwj KEEP sharing these private looks every 2 seconds

urgh the way they're so on the same page even though they don't actually talk that much, but can just read each other's expressions

especially when WWX goes into emo-gaze-longingly-into-nothing mode bc he's remembering something sad and LWJ is like 'noooo my baby' .. im sobbing they're the best

honestly i might re-watch the whole drama just to focus on how they look at each other

getting queerbaited by the actors of gay cdrama like...

ZZH did you really need to submissively slide down in gong juns arms like a 19th century wealthy victorian lady weakened by tuberculosis??? bro the cameras aren't even rolling. skeptics would say they're probably so in character, but ME (from 3 years ago) and many other delusionals were totally convinced that we caught them red-handed in a secret relationship

and holding hands during water break ?!? chill out guys. but THE WAY gj is looking at zzh like he's something terribly precious and pretty is so goddamn real.

i swear they weren't even this gay in the actual drama

word of honor ep31 is something else entirely

they get intercepted on their rescue mission and just as the assassin people were about to rush forward and start stabbing, guess who appears spinning out of nowhere to save his beloved one true soulmate its wkx wearing hot red robes with sexy red eyeshadow, who boomerangs his little paper fan and slices their throats all in one go, does another little spin for dramatic flavour and slowly flutters down like an autumn leaf in the wind, successfully making the most replayed segment of the episode 🍃

and then everything he says from this moment on is like "fuck you, im better than you, eat shit" and DPJ is like "yeah ur cool and all but you're only one person" as if he didnt just kill half your men in one swipe while flying. anyway then zzs is like "who said hes alone" and steps out of his little carriage looking like hes about to die. like bro!! you cant even stand chill tf out. wkx comes over and holds his boyfriend and gets full on whiplash from switching too fast between (1) gazing lovingly at zzs and (2) murderous stares assassin gvng.

rewatching word of honor wow this show is so unhinged and so gay. like fr girl im rolling my eyes watching wkx go through his 4 moods: murderous, emo sad, emo gay and delusional.

why did they make up so much plot like anyone whos watching this is watching for the pretty boys serving face and being gay. my man zzs just wanted to be a drunk homeless and lie in the sun for 3 years

girl i live for wkx level of unhinged and bipolar. bruh that scene with his ghosts where he was like oh noo buddy dont worry let me help you up BY THE THROAT and straight up strangles him then hangs him up by a noose and is like haha ok lets continue our meeting where we discuss how youve all failed me...

okay and then when he finds out his one true love is about to die he just sits in the rain on some bridge playing his flute depressedly, waxes some edgy poetry and flies off into the night ?Q?Q?! bestie needs to get a grip

and like zzs... can he stop serving face for one hot minute and give his man some attention??! like girl one minute he's making puppy dog eyes on the verge of tears just thinking about his emo past and depressing ass future without his soulmate and next minute he starts waxing poetry as some sort of delusional coping mechanism WELL at least he's pretty so he gets a pass for everything mwah but man they need couples therapy

like oh my god we get it you're both fucking beautiful and pretty. and wkx is such a simp but who can really blame him

im regretting not writing an ongoing commentary of pathological people pleaser, because fics like these, that straight up give me whiplash and have me hanging onto every word, are so rare, and i only get to read it for the first time once. but I'm at 79% and it's not too late to start

i have way too many opinions about legends of the condor heroes (specifically 2017 version)

i remember reading the English translation on my kindle at the swimming carnival in high school and boy i was HOOKED

dancing in the golden refrigerator light, regulus standing on james' feet because hes still frail and weak, im sobbing a river

whatever our souls are made of was heartbreaking to read

Hanahaki is always beautiful and devastating but oh I've never had to work this long for the happy ever after. they were literally accepting that he was gonna die...

and in true marauders fashion, it's the secrets and miscommunication after all

every second of it was so very well written, i want to hold onto every last sentence

but i wish we got more of the relief, healing and domesticity afterwards, like

Something about James Potter being hurt and comforted by The Gang is so captivating to read.

It's so new every time because unlike regulus, sirius or remus, there's nothing really in canon that authors can base it off, so whatever they put James through is literally off their head, which makes it usually really well written because the author is clearly into it.

James and reggie are lowkey a dark aesthetic couple

ATYD Sirius POV had no right to be that devastating, and it's saying something that the saddest fanfic ever is canon compliant.

and atyd already destroyed me the first time so i don't know why i thought Sirius POV would be better, especially cos he was the most hurt, the most betrayed, lost James AND Regulus.

The only way they could have made it even more sad was if they wrote their deaths...

Reading ATYD Sirius POV after i saw this tiktok which was said "remus is barbie and sirius is ken" with the audio like "barbie has a good day everyday, but ken only has a good day if barbie looks at him" - and ive only read 20% so far but they could not be more correct!! Sirius is down so bad from the very beginning without even realising it

its actually quite good that i finished atyd months ago and can't really remember it because this is like rereading an old fanfiction without the bore of re-reading the same paragraphs.

and i can't really list out the highlights like i do with other fanfics (mostly jegulus) but it's just enjoyably well written with thorough developments for Sirius' characterisation and coming of age experience.

i was like 50k words in when i realised that atyd entails astronomical amounts of miscommunication which i hated the first time around. its too painfully canon... i missed when jegulus would solve everything. watching sirius and regulus' relationship fall apart so far was devastating, and i know sirius is the protagonist but like really, he totally could have still had his brother somewhat on his side. and i love regulus so that makes me sad and want to read jegulus fanfiction.

tldr; pros: so well written and developed, nostalgic; cons: miscommunication as a theme, canon = PAIN & SAD

generalised highlights

- Sirius being so annoyed at peter everyday lmfao

- the way he tried so hard to get through to remus

- i mentioned this last time that Sirius was such a sweet boyfriend to remus once they started dating, but from the very start, he was always considerate and protective of his more so than towards his other friends

- i love this author and i think it must have been fun writing this because the plot is set, and all the dialogue and chapters are set, but they still manage to come up with a full story and somewhat separate plots. I think this is an excellent example of "everyone is the main character of their own life." but secondly, they knew very well what they were doing. sirius was subconsciously head over heels for remus, and the omniscient reader (me) enjoys every second of it.

- sirius' thoughts towards mary so far are so funny i cant. hes like 'i should be feeling something but its just not happening'. boy is so confused. all her flirting and hes just *panics*. meanwhile remus puts a hand on his shoulder and hes like "ive never experienced something so good ever". oblivious gay awakening

~~~

i FORGOT this was the fic where sirius hit regulus with a bludger and gave him head trauma, and then sped all the way down to the ground to him. and IM DISTRAUGHT theres no comfort for regulus in canon. im going to have to read CR or OTB again after this...

the toast bit <3333 actually so adorable.

(edit: omg i FORGOT what the toast bit was so i had to ctrl f the whole fic to find it and omg it was sirius telling reggie that ghouls are afraid of toast so that he will sleep at night omg it IS cute. idk why i thought it would be sirius making moonys toast or something obviously wolfstar is not my cup of tea anymore)

sirius' life is just confusion, anger, confusion again, denial, convince me otherwise

~~~

- "actually, im always sirius" 🙄🙄🙄

- jily indifference club

- lowkey bored of wolfstar, sue me

- need to read MC regulus fics rn tbh

~~~

IM done!!!

final thoughts

- why was that so fucking sad

- Every fanfic author has a soft spot for regulus you can't convince me otherwise

-

"I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you"

says evan, but will teach him how to dance anyway because of peer pressure

- barty being jealous of evan and regulus getting cozy together, when theyre getting HIGH

- the amount of romantic tension every time they got slightly close. of course barty is all over evan, like who wouldn't be??? then evan freaking out every time, also who wouldnt???

- pandora's wedding was so picturesque beautiful, and then theyre building a house in that same place?1!?!? actually crying

- pandora's cat being named reggie the third, and i only realised when they were eloping. so that scene at the start where evan went to pandoras room i thought regulus was just casually sleeping on her windowsill lmfaoo

- barty and pandora being called an aesthetic couple, but evan and pandora are cousins with the same hair and skin tone GASP the author knew what they were doing

- barty is just like why work hard to earn money when i can just forge a legal document and rob a bank. honestly goals. meanwhile evan is like i work all night i work all day to pay the bills i have to pay

- marlene rocking up to a wedding and cursebreaking job in a band tshirt and jeans like whats up fuckers

- thanking the collective marauders fandom for the personalities they developed out of thin air for each character, and the FANCASTS, oH MY GOd. theyre all so pretty and look so good together, im throwing heart eyes

- all of the character descriptions matched my imagination so well. of course barty is taller and not too buff but still like kinda built, evan is shorter and regulus is just ... theres no other word except a twink (sorry). that scene where evan was like he could stop reg from dragging away him away because he is taller and bigger but regulus is stubborn af so he just goes along with him. and evan and regulus being all buddy buddy with their feelings oh theyre so adorable

- barty didnt need to sleep with all those people, he just wanted SOMEONE so he wasnt alone... *sobs* poor baby

evan at the start: youre gone, and i gotta stay high all the time, to keep you off my mind, ooooo

evan at the end: im in love, im in love, love in a hurricane

things i love in masterminds

- regulus just freefalling into the ground in the middle of a quidditch match

- narcissa & regulus. her crying when he asks for help. him helping her through her miscarriage

- moonwater writing fanfiction

- ok i didn't love this one but the shock of walburga just murdering orion at the dinner table

- the essay type references at the end of every chapter

- them (especially sirius) crawling into each others beds to cry abt the most minor inconvenience

- regulus saying adapt, adapt, adapt.

jegulus and anderperry :heart eyes:

remembering all the insanely long marauders fics ive brainrotted over because i kinda forgot all of them. roughly in the order i read them.

355k, jegulus wolfstar rosekiller. post war (ended by regulus) where they just hang around grimmauld place all day. i literally cant remember anything that happened. but i liked how they stayed home and didnt go outside, because i relate to that. it was alternating chapters between post war and pre war, honestly i dont even know it was just so much relationship angst and regulus being incredibly competent and hurt.

526k, the character development and buildup, its like the level of the actual series without the annual voldemort attack. i was DESTROYED by the ending, it lived in my brain rent free for like a week. why did it have to be canon compliant???! the way they spent so much time pining, so much time apart, and so little time together. but that theyre literal soulmates, which is so sad for grant (he suffered true emotional damage) lmfao. I guess this is the basis (canon??) of marauders era

102k alternate happy ending to atyd - yes PLEASE this is what i needed to heal the pain after reading atyd.

624k. lowkey feel the same way towards this as atyd, except it didnt live in my brain rent free for a week. in that i respect that it's good and got heartbroken when everyone died and they didn't get their happy ending, but it did get me into jegulus so I'm not complaining. IDK it's just sad, but i love regulus and evan and cerci. even though i deadass can't remember anything else.

865k actually SOBBING this fic is everything. so much plot and so much hurt, it is amazing and painful and intense. it has the most picturesque scenes, beautiful happy ending. but i did kinda get sick of it near the end cos its so fuckin long, and i was not into the girls in the fic so i was kinda cbs

only the brave by soulmussa is the fanfiction of my dreams. i savoured every second of it and now that I'm finished, i don't know what to do with myself.

right. since there's too many amazing beautiful scenes, and also because my brain is already overflowing with content, these are the standouts.

REGULUS. ohhhh his competence is so hot. but he's also so soft. the amount of internal dialogue he has compared to what other people see is so great, he needs someone to understand him completely and he got that!!! and james. ahhh im usually not that into him but he's just so good??! I'm loving the lack of miscommunication we usually get in wolfstar fics

regulus and remus being straight up attracted to each other will never not be funny to me. like brothers in christ we get it. and don't even mention barty. he's just so ??? unhinged ??? idk how he does it. and the in love, absolute sweetheart evan is so into everything he does. they're so perfect im crying. i love how these characters have no personality in canon, and everyone just agreed that they're like this, each of their characters are so well developed and fit together, and i can have hilarious and beautiful scenes to swoon over.

like i love how sirius is so dramatic and unashamed to do whatever the fuck, and remus is always so done but is deep down a bad boy. wolfstar and jegulus just. cannot keep their hands to themselves. i hope they someday learn some restraint because lord have mercy, one day your brains are going to stop working entirely from all the short circuiting that happens the moment your boyfriend enters your line of vision.

anyway mwah best fic ever, im not getting over it for at least another day

but also why did marauders ao3 authors collectively decide that 500k+ is the right length for fics??? because firstly it takes so long to read, and then i can't be bothered to reread it to revisit all the good parts so then i just have to fulfil my brain by watching tiktoks and scrolling pinterest

alright let's end with some pretty pictures of reggie because he's rapidly becoming one of my favourites. i didn't even like timothee chalamet before jegulus fics but like he is the perfect regulus, and lowkey does look like an angel...

daily updates of thoughts while reading crimson rivers

afterthoughts::