englishmajorhumor reblogged

chamber of secrets au where fred and george steal ginny’s diary bc “haha ginny why are you keeping a diary omg its old and blank” and they just start drawing dicks in it and then the dicks fade off the paper and fred and george just look at each other and go “omg infinite dicks” so they draw dicks on it all year until the diary literally ink vomits itself to death bc tom riddle cant handle the dicks anymore and no one ever opened the chamber of secrets and fred and george destroyed the very first horcrux the end

This is my legacy

#dicksoutfortomriddle

in 124,000 notes no one has added a caption so completely wonderful and succint and beautiful and goddamn perfect ive been laughing for 15 years thank you

diary: stolen pages: self-erasing dicks: out

TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE IS FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE HORCRUX

#fred and george #fred and George weasley #chamber of secrets #harry potter and the chamber of secrets #tom riddle #voldemort #horcrux #tom riddle's diary #harry potter

englishmajorhumor reblogged

hogwartsandrec

sad--gittarius

Dumbledore, died at age 115

Horcruxes made: 0

Voldemort, died at age 71

Horcruxes made: 7

Conclusion: Voldemort was the most useless, magic dependant wizard that ever existed. He could have lived till like 200 if he just ate well and exercised, but no he had to go and split up his soul and ruin perfectly good jewellery, fucking dumbass.

lunalovegoodjunior

this sounds like it was written by hermione granger at 1 am

#dumbledore #albus dumbledore #voldemort #lord voldemort #tom riddle #harry potter #horcruxes #wizarding world #hermione granger #hermione

englishmajorhumor reblogged

floccinaucinihilipilificationa

#harry potter #lord voldemort #voldemort #i am lord voldemort #tom marvolo riddle #tom riddle #comic

englishmajorhumor reblogged

thewrittenroad

#tom riddle #tom riddle's diary #voldemort #harry potter #harry potter and the chamber of secrets #chamber of secrets

englishmajorhumor reblogged

suckmylit-deactivated20170423

thealogie

imagine being at a class reunion like, yeah remember hot tom? i heard he made all of his friends get ugly matching skull tattoos and call him a really ugly french name and also I heard his nose is gone. weird.

I didn’t realize this was about harry potter for a second

#hot tom #tom riddle #voldemort #class reunion #harry potter #deatheaters

englishmajorhumor reblogged

thewrittenroad

Voldemort: I invented this cool ass name for myself like seriously I spent forever planning it out to use all the letters and now people won't even say it like really what was even the point wow

#voldemort #tom riddle #harry potter #voldemort problems #harry potter humor

englishmajorhumor reblogged

mugglenetmemes

A true indestructible horcrux http://ift.tt/1haAoMc

#tom riddle #voldemort #nokia #cell phone #cellphone #cellphones #harry potter #horcrux #horcruxes

englishmajorhumor reblogged

5directions

Anonymous asked:

Anonymous asked: I’m not a HUGE Harry Potter fan..but, who is Voldemort?

Let me tell you something about Lord Voldemort. We were best friends in middle school. I know right, it’s soooo embarrassing. I don’t even…whatever. So then in eighth grade I started going out with my first boyfriend Harry Potter, who was totally gorgeous but then he went to Hogwarts—and Voldemort was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like if I would blow him off to hang out with Harry, he’d be like “Why didn’t you call me back?!” and I’d be like, “Uh, why are you so obsessed with me?” So then for my birthday party, which was an all wizards pool party, I was like, “Voldemort, I can’t invite you because I think you’re evil” I mean, I couldn’t have an evil wizard at my party! There were going to be wizards there in their bathing suits! I mean right, he was evil! So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her and it was so retarded and then he dropped out of school ‘cause no one would talk to him and he came back in the fall and his nose was gone and he was totally evil and now I guess he’s trying to kill Harry.

5directions answered:

Let me tell you something about Lord Voldemort. We were best friends in middle school. I know right, it’s soooo embarrassing. I don’t even…whatever. So then in eighth grade I started going out with my first boyfriend Harry Potter, who was totally gorgeous but then he went to Hogwarts—and Voldemort was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like if I would blow him off to hang out with Harry, he’d be like “Why didn’t you call me back?!” and I’d be like, “Uh, why are you so obsessed with me?” So then for my birthday party, which was an all wizards pool party, I was like, “Voldemort, I can’t invite you because I think you’re evil” I mean, I couldn’t have an evil wizard at my party! There were going to be wizards there in their bathing suits! I mean right, he was evil! So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her and it was so retarded and then he dropped out of school ‘cause no one would talk to him and he came back in the fall and his nose was gone and he was totally evil and now I guess he’s trying to kill Harry.

livelaughlovetoread

I found it.

#voldemort #lord voldemort #tom riddle #mean girls #tom marvolo riddle #harry potter

englishmajorhumor reblogged

bookishfellows

backedlikeaweasel

never forget that for voldemort’s name to rearrange to “je suis voldemort” in the french translations, they had to make his middle name ‘Elvis’

I CANT HANDLE THIS

are you telling me the french word for wand is ‘la baguette magique’

yes

#voldemort #je suis voldemort #tom riddle #tom marvolo riddle #tom elvis jedusor #harry potter #harry potter and the chamber of secrets #chamber of secrets #french #french language

englishmajorhumor reblogged

thewrittenroad

kyrstin

Ron always just fucking knows

If you remember, Ron was always weirdly good with Divination. Whenever he’d joke about a possible outcome, it would eventually happen in some roundabout way!

#ron weasley #divination #moaning myrtle #tom riddle #voldemort #harry potter #harry potter and the chamber of secrets #chamber of secrets