I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

[the crowd boos] 

Someone in the back: GET OFF THE STAGE 

I know a lot of jokes about bad pole-vaulters, but none of them seem to go over very well.

from Beowulf in Maurice Sagoff’s ShrinkLits: Seventy of the World’s Towering Classics Cut Down to Size (via libraryland-blog)

I’m trying to be Emerson this text, but I’m Thoreauly confused.

Someone: Raising a family is hard.

Necromancer: Not if they’re buried close enough to each other.

Someone: What?

Necromancer: What?

A crossover between King Midas and King Oedipus would be pure motherfucking gold

‪Academics are not off in the summer, they are a little off year round.‬

Fred or George Weasley at some point probably (via (via fantastlcbeasts)

sirius black making no less than 37 deer related jokes in his best man speech

Deerly beloved, family, and friends, it behooves me to deliver this speech to two of the purest harts I know, two individuals so fawned of each other that it completely bucks the notion of superficial love.

Doe they will surely go through many trials and tribulations in the years ahead—many high and low points; stag-nant periods, when their love seems fallow—I know, as someone who knows them best, that they will not allow themselves to fall into a rut. 

When it’s all over, and people are sitting around telling tails of these two, they’ll be telling each other the purest love story anyone has ever herd. 

I’M SCREAMING

The Guardian Of Good Grammar

We approve.

when you have too many papers to finish and are just writing to amuse yourself at this point