English Major Humor

british romanticism: i went into the woods and i found a beautiful woman, but she wasn’t really a woman, she was my Muse and the woods is my mind

american romanticism: i went into the woods and found the devil and he gave me a clock, but the clock was actually the industrial revolution and it fucking killed me

italian romanticism: i went into the woods and toppled face down over a root which proves nature is but a cruel stepmother, also this must somehow be a sign that God wants us to get rid of those fucking austrians

french romanticism: i went into the woods and found a peasant woman, but she wasn’t really a woman, she was the Republic and the woods is the people of France, wild, free and unconquered

polish romanticism: i didn’t go into the woods and i didn’t find any woman, we held a seance instead and summoned ghosts and listened to how they died, and then i was in a prison cell listening to my inmates while having existential crisis, but bottom line fuck Russia, Prussia and Austria

Finnish romanticism: me and my six brothers went into the woods and built a new house, but got drunk and the sauna caught fire and we had to escape half-naked

I love how potato in French is pomme de terre, which pretty much means “earth apple.”

like what stupid frenchman saw this:

and said “zis petite légume looks like a, how you say, APPLE! hmmm… but it grows in ze earth… HON HON HON! MAIS OUI! C’EST UNE POMME DE TERRE!”

j'adore comment ananas se dit pineapple en anglais, ce qui veut littéralement dire “pomme de pin”, genre quel type anglais a vu ça:

et s'est dit : “ow cette étrange big fruit ressemble à une, how do you say, POMME! hmmm… mais plutôt une pomme qui pousse dans les pins… HU HU HU! OH YES, IT’S A PINEAPPLE!” (z'avez vu, on peut le faire aussi… hon hon hon!)

seduce me with extensive harry potter knowledge

The name Voldemort comes from the French words for “flight of death”, meaning the t at the end should be silent.

damn son u can dirty talk like a champ

so i went into the other french class to drop off some things for the professor

and they were learning about comparatives and superlatives and the prof was like

“how do you say ‘i am better than you’?”

some kid in the back yelled “je suis beyoncé” and i lost my shit so hard

never forget that for voldemort’s name to rearrange to “je suis voldemort” in the french translations, they had to make his middle name ‘Elvis’

I CANT HANDLE THIS

are you telling me the french word for wand is ‘la baguette magique’

yes

And this, kids, is how I learned the French colors.

Study away!

Les positions pour lire.