A Nightvale Alphabet

Best if read in the voice of Cecil Palmer (Beware of spoilers)

A’s for the Tracker (Apache, he said)

Not quite as embarrassing now that he’s dead.

B’s for Big Rico, best under the sun.

No one does pizza like Rico, NO ONE.

C’s for the council, with crowns of soft meat.

They’re off on a clearly pre-scheduled retreat.

D is for Dana, or maybe her twin.

It’s hard to say which of them managed to win.

E is for Emmett, or Ernest some claim.

It’s hard to remember him, even his name.

F is the Faceless Old Woman who roams

Unseen just behind you. She lives in your home.

G IS THE GLOW CLOUD, BENEATH WHOM WE FLAIL. “ALL GLORY” WE CRY UNTO IT, “ALL HAIL.”

H is for Hiram and all of his heads,

A literal dragon who ran from the feds.

I’s for the Interns who’ve come and who’ve gone.

We send our condolences, then we move on.

J is John Peters (The farmer. You know.)

Folks love the invisible corn that he grows.

K is for Kevin who worked here a while.

Beware of the lies hiding under his smile.

L can be found on the edge of the town

It’s old Larry Leroy. He’s always around.

M is for Marcus, the town’s richest man.

I’d tell you what happened, but I don’t think I can.

N is for Nazr, the school’s football coach.

His tongue’s pretty creepy. I wouldn’t approach.

O’s Old Woman Josie, whom we dearly missed,

Surrounded by friends who do not exist.

P is for Pamela, mayor no more,

A press conference chief with surprises in store.

Q is a question you never will voice.

No “shouldn’t” about it. You don’t have a choice.

R is for Roger, who paid with a spine.

It bought him a condo and terror sublime.

S is for Steve. I’ll try not to rant.

He once saved my life by- No, sorry. I can’t.

T’s for Tamika, that lover of books.

She’s already found, so don’t bother to look.

U’s for the people just under lane five.

They’ll only rest when we’re no longer alive.

V is the vague yet menacing team

That works for the government. So it would seem.

W is for worms…(ellipsis, no caps)

If you can’t find your dog, it’s the pellet that yaps.

X has been cancelled, we’re sorry to say.

There’s nothing to see here, so be on your way.

Y is for you, it just so turns out.

You’re sometimes the one that the story’s about.

Z is the sound once you’ve turned out the light,

So Carlos and I wish you all a good night.