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@endtimez on Tumblr

@endtimez / endtimez.tumblr.com

This is the mask that comes undone.
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#we’re getting a tattoo in exactly a week. it carries a lot of meaning for the host of the system hence why he’s the one to decide to get it#This design means a lot to myself as well. While this body will likely always feel more his than mine.. This action means so much to me.#I keep saying this all ‘’means’’ something because I really don’t know how else to verbalize it.#I can’t explain why it’s profound to me or to us. I know why it is for him. Does that make sense? I don’t know.#I think maybe I understand him more than I understand myself.#But even this action.. getting the tattoo.. it’s only one of many things I’ve noticed about him lately that are different somehow.#I guess he could say the same about me. I don’t know. We see more of each other in each other these days.#Things are so blurry. Even between himself and the others. I don’t know if this is integration or what it is. It’s just. different.#I don’t even know why I’m posting this here. I’m never active but I suppose this is my only space to speak like this.#No one’s really listening but perhaps that’s part of the comfort of it.
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#It’s a strange feeling to look back on posts I made years ago and being able to reflect on how… immature I was?#I suppose it feels strange because it is proof that I’ve changed. That I’ve grown.#But at the same time I feel like the same old me. I feel frustrated with the fact that I haven’t changed more.#Because I’m not happy with who I was and I’m still not happy with what I am. But to look back and have proof that I’ve grown…#I don’t know how to name that feeling.#& This ‘growth’. Does it even amount to anything when there’s no one to witness it?#Does it mean anything at all if I can’t even recognize it within myself?#& This thought extends. Am I capable of recognizing myself accurately? Can I even trust myself to know who I am?#& What is the ‘accurate’ view of myself? Is it other people’s view of me? Is it my own view of myself since I should know myself best?
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“I don’t know how to stay tender with this much blood in my mouth”

— Ophelia, Act IV, Scene V 

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