Sassy HYDRA agent
First Guy [deep voice, serious tone]: How did you take down Captain America?
Second Guy (The HYDRA agent) [matter-of-fact tone, sassy german accent]: We shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he’s an idiot.
I am weak and I will not survive the winter. by Luke Berti
“Brandon ask me what kind of tree I have.”
Guy looking down: “No.
“Brandon. Ask me what kind of tree I have.”
“No.”
“Just– Brandon ask me what kind of tree I have.”
*quietly* “What kind of tree is it.”
*zoom in* “It’s a Chris Pine.”
everyone on this website
Person 1: [frantically] “Follow that car!”
Person 2: “Is he gonna follow me back?”
Person 1: “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”
Person 2: [screaming] “Then NOOOOOOOO!”
goodbye i had to watch this three times to figure out what was going on
Oh my god damn
First person: “Wanna see my impression of a British driver?”
Second person: “Alright.”
[The two “switch positions” as the theme song to the X-Files begins to play. The second guy tugs on his seatbelt, noticeably freaked out.]
THIS IS MY FAVOURITE FUCKING VINE PLAY IT AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTIES PLAY IT AT MY FUCKING FUNERAL ON MY FUCKING WEDDING DAY PLAY THIS ON THE FUCKING BIG SCREEN MUR DUR
Captions [Context: the wise men bringing Jesus gifts]
Wise man 1: I brought you frankincense Jesus: Thank you! Masked “Wise man”: And I brought you myrrh- Jesus: Thank you! Judas Iscariot: *unmasks* MYRRH-DER! Jesus: *gentle, sassy gasp* JUDAS, NO-
“Gentle sassy gasp”
I live for really specific captions
i relate to this on a spiritual level
Writer: [singing a slightly monotonous chant] Come on brain, think of things! Come on brain, think of things! Come on brain, be so smart–
Body shaming Dinosaurs
VPJ jokes are so good natured
Victor: [Excited] “Look! A long neck dinosaur!”
Dinosaur: [Mockingly] “Look! A fat nosed human!”
Victor: [Hurt] “Hey, come, come on man.”
Dinosaur: “Yeah, it don’t feel good do it? Call me Kevin, that’s my-”
#michael
[Walks in holding the coffee press] “Michael, the coffee’s almost done!”
[Looks around] “Michael?”
[Stops, confused] [Thinking] “Maybe I’m Michael.”
Every time I see #PILLOWTALK
["PILLOWTALK" by ZAYN plays in the background the whole time.]
Person 1: "What is this awesome song?"
Person 2 [yelling]: "IT'S "PILLOWTALK" BY ZAYN!!"
Person 1 [upset / confused]: "Why are you yelling???"
Person 2 [still yelling]: "I DON'T KNOW IT'S IN ALL CAPS THAT’S WHAT HE WANTS!!"
Hello. This is just a quick message to anyone out there who might be thinking of one day becoming an adult. I would personally advise against it, because it’s unbearable, and it involves buying things called “three tier slim line airers” and coming across the phrase “detachable sock-drying clips”
And do you know what the worst thing is? This is the best thing that’s happened to me all fucking day. This is as good as it gets.
me on the second day of school
Chris [Confused]: We’re on day... [pause] four thousand?
Chris [Enthusiastic]: Everyone’s doing really well, mentally, we’re doing really good. I’m invisible!
I’M A JEDI AGAIN MOM
Guy: kids don’t have toys like we had when we- *pause* Guy: … Were growing up. Guy: I’M A JEDI AGAIN MOM Mom: NO- -Glass smashing-
THEY WAY SHE SCREAMS NO IM DYING
STILL HILARIOUS
Cop Drama written by 7 year olds. i’m not even joking, this is my favorite vine ever
I JUST FUCKING DIED OMG I WANT 6 SEASONS AND A MOVIE
Person 1 [Speech is slightly slurred]: How does it feel to be the worst cop ever, huh?
Person 2: Shut up, your mother buys you megablocks instead of Legos.
Person 1 [Speech is no longer slurred, very serious tone]: You fucking take that back.
me af
….is this you? trobicobain
[”No Control” by One Direction plays while the person bangs on the steering wheel and jumps out of the car]
If we’re being honest, this is me.
[”Fireflies” by Owl City starts playing in the background.]
Person: Ah!
meghan NO
Meghan: “Bet you I can eat all these Fudge Stripes!”
Person: [in despair] “Meghan, no!”
Meghan: “One!”
Person: “Meghan!”
Meghan: [gagging]
Person: [voice breaking] “Meghan!”
Meghan: [sobs]
Person: “Oh no, Meghan.”
