Figured I'd start off my symptom tracking! Of pregnancy!! EEEEEE!!!!

One thing I've found interesting so far is I am FAR less anxious already (all of 4 days in lol). It all just feels like "Oh, this again..." and I roughly know what to expect. One thing I'm purposefully not doing unless instructed to by my doctor is go cold turkey off my Lexapro like a straight up crazy person. I was reading through my old posts from my last pregnancy, and - u ok, 5-years-ago me?!?!? What the hell were you thinking girl?????

My favorite part so far is seeing how excited Emma is to be a big sister. 🥰 She is STOKED. Like, I'm obviously excited but she is over the moon, and I'm over the moon for her. She's wanted a sibling basically since she was old enough to talk about it, and so far seeing her joy is my favorite part, hands down. ❤️❤️

Me going to the grocery store after my kid goes to bed

This evening, straight up out of the blue, Emma came over to me and said, "Mommy you have a big, big baby in your tummy." 😳😂😂 Girl I hope you're right! 😂😂🤞

Rough day today :/ I woke up with a headache, which is pretty unusual when I'm not right about to start my period, and tons of nasty ass postnasal drip. By 9 I was in full blown migraine. I left work at 11:30, not even sure how I managed to make the 30 minute drive home. I immediately crashed in bed and slept for 5 hours. I still feel pretty sick but thankfully slept most of the migraine off. Just the leftover weakness and lingering headache. I very rarely get migraines that aren't menstrual-related..... I'm thinking allergies triggered this. I'm not stuffed up but this postnasal drip is for real. This is the first real warm stretch we've had all year.

Spring ♥️🌸🐛🌻🌞

Guess who finally figured out how to ride her bike?? 😍😍

CD 17, 1DPO

I'm reasonably sure I ovulated either very late Saturday or very early Sunday. And now the TWW begins. Always fun. 😬 On the plus side, I'm so busy lately I don't have nearly as much time to be obsessive. So, there's that.

I passed my competency for research and statistics yesterday, so now just need to schedule my final and pass that, then I can move on to my next class. 🤞 My lecture binge was also productive in that Emma got a new pair of freshly knitted mittens out of the deal!

I can't even with how cute these kids are 😍😍😍

Me: I'm a firm believer in modeling behavior for kids and in using natural consequences to build an innate sense of right and wrong.

Also me: FOR THE 27TH TIME, IF YOU DON'T PICK YOUR TOYS UP OFF THE FLOOR I WILL VACUUM THEM UP AND YOU WILL HAVE NO MORE TOYS TO PLAY WITH *pulls out vacuum threateningly*

CD1?

I'm just feeling really sad today. I was SO CONVINCED I was pregnant. I still would be convinced if I wasn't, you know, bleeding like a stuck pig and staring at a bunch of BFN tests. I was so nauseous and shaky yesterday, it felt exactly like the morning sickness I had with Emma. I just don't ever spot between cycles, let alone for 3 days. And this is SUCH a freaking short cycle! 😭 I'm just so mad at my body for being like this.

On a more positive note, Emma is pretty much the sweetest kid ever. She asked why I was laying on the couch, I told her Mommy didn't feel very well and was feeling sad. She thought about it for a second, then said, "I will cheer you up!" Then came over and gave me a big hug and kissed my head. Seriously. She is such a precious kid. Makes me feel blessed; even if we were to never have another, she is pretty perfect. ♥️

I knew I loved you even before you were conceived. I knew deep in my heart that the greatest thing I would ever do would be your mother. I dreamt of you, I yearned for you. How could I possibly love you any more than I did in that moment? Then you formed in my belly, and my love swelled. Every time I felt a tiny flutter, a little kick, my heart filled. As you grew, so did my love. People would say to me, "Just wait until you see her!" But how could I possibly love you any more than I did in that moment? Then you were born, and they placed you on my chest. And the moment I saw you, my heart was so filled with love that it shattered into a million pieces. And I knew in that moment that I would never be so filled with love as I was then. Then came the long nights, the constant feedings and the crying. I spent countless hours walking with you, bouncing you, holding you close and encouraging you to nurse. And in my exhaustion, as I looked down upon your tiny sleeping face, I felt my love deepen. It pushed through me like the roots of a towering tree. Every look, every smile, every little giggle made me absolutely sure that I loved you more than I was possible able. Now you are laying next to me, curled against me and peacefully asleep. You may be growing, learning to be your own person, but in this moment you still need me. I know I cannot possibly love you any more than I do in this moment – I love you so much, it aches – and I can’t wait to be proven wrong again.

So at Emma's 4 month well child visit, her pediatrician told me that she should begin sleeping through the night. He said at this point when she wakes, she doesn't NEED to eat, and she should begin learning some self soothing in place of nighttime nursing. He also encouraged us to transition her to her crib in her own room. That's not happening either way, I'm planning on co-sleeping at least until 6 months, but I'm pondering the nighttime nursing thing. Sometimes I think I actually would get more sleep if she slept alone, because a lot of times she stirs at night and I reflexively just stick the boob in her mouth and then fall back asleep - I'm not convinced she is always actually waking up hungry. I want to meet the needs of my child, but I also don't want to sabotage her ability to develop healthy sleep habits. What were/are your babies doing at 4 months in terms of sleep? As of right now, Emma is waking anywhere from twice in 10 hours to every 1-2 hours, depending on the night.

I NEED YOUR HELP, TUMBLR MAMAS! We are transitioning to cloth diapers! While searching for flour sack towels, I came across these. Would these be any good for insert liners??

It’s so hard to believe my little jelly bean has been “in the outside” for three full months now! On the one hand, I can hardly remember a time before she was in my life. On the other hand, it’s flown by so fast! It feels like just yesterday that she entered this world.

The most noteworthy thing in our day to day lives right now is SLEEP. Not surprising with a young baby, right? I feel very blessed to have a baby that does in fact love to sleep. The difficulty is in how she sleeps. For the first three weeks of her life, we tried every single trick in the book to get this girl to sleep on a separate sleeping surface on her own on her back. We put her down asleep, we put her down drowsy. I laid her on something that smelled like me. We tried the crib, two different bassinets, the swing, the bouncy, and a rock ‘n play. I tried a crib wedge. We literally tried every variation on the swaddle possible. I ended up spending those first three weeks sleeping on the couch propped upright holding her for lack of any other option. Finally, after much resistance on my part, we tried co-sleeping. I’ll never look back! Both of us sleep so much better for the most part! She still wakes on average about twice overnight to eat, but both of us barely wake for it. I usually go to bed with her about 9pm, and we get up around 7 in the morning.

Now, we are working on transitioning to the crib for naps. I went back to work three weeks ago, and she is in daycare three days a week. I love daycare much more than I thought I would, but they have strict policies about safe infant sleep. Once the infant falls asleep, they move them to a crib and follow AAP guidelines for safe sleep - no blankets or pillows, flat and on the back. The teacher and I have talked about having some wiggle room if she is absolutely exhausted and falls asleep on the boppy to just let her be, but our ultimate goal is to get her sleeping in the crib. The problem is, once you set her down, she almost always instantly awakens and then the jig is up. It’s very touch and go, but she has started taking occasional half hour naps in her crib! In fact, she took a 40 minute nap in her crib at home this morning for my MIL :) I think it is going to get only better as she grows some more and loses her startle reflex, because it seems to me that reflex is our biggest barrier - that, and her learning to self-soothe more effectively a bit down the road when she awakens naturally.

I have no plans on transitioning her out of our bed at night, though. I started co-sleeping as a means for survival, but now I do it just as much for my comfort as hers. Even if she were ready to transition, I don’t think I’m ready!

I don't get it. No matter what we do, few naps or lots of naps, no matter what time we start the bedtime routine, no matter when she eats or what time we get up for the day, Emma is always still wide awake at midnight. She has no problem whatsoever sleeping during the day, but come 8pm and it's like pulling teeth.

On the plus side, we've been latching successfully every time since 4am! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 On the other side, we've been nursing 5 minutes and then passing out, then nursing again 20 minutes later 😭😭😭