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Mom by day...still a mom by night but more tired

@emmbeeee / emmbeeee.tumblr.com

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4w4d

Figured I'd start off my symptom tracking! Of pregnancy!! EEEEEE!!!!

  • Peeing like crazy
  • Moody AF
  • Boobs are OUCH
  • Bone tired
  • Cramps are going to be a thing this time too, I guess
  • Hot flashes
  • Getting the morning sickness train going early this time! No throwing up (yet), but food aversions and nausea galore

One thing I've found interesting so far is I am FAR less anxious already (all of 4 days in lol). It all just feels like "Oh, this again..." and I roughly know what to expect. One thing I'm purposefully not doing unless instructed to by my doctor is go cold turkey off my Lexapro like a straight up crazy person. I was reading through my old posts from my last pregnancy, and - u ok, 5-years-ago me?!?!? What the hell were you thinking girl?????

My favorite part so far is seeing how excited Emma is to be a big sister. 🥰 She is STOKED. Like, I'm obviously excited but she is over the moon, and I'm over the moon for her. She's wanted a sibling basically since she was old enough to talk about it, and so far seeing her joy is my favorite part, hands down. ❤️❤️

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reblogged

basically being pregnant is repeating to yourself “I’m having a baby” like 15 times a day.

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So, funny story....18 months, a diagnosis of unexplained secondary infertility, and a round of Clomid later....I finally got a positive test on Wednesday!! 😭😭😭😭

I literally could not even believe it. I don't even take pregnancy tests anymore really because I'm so sick of looking at negative tests. The only reason I tested was because I had started spotting heavily Saturday (which was 10dpo which really isn't unusual at all for me in my usual cycle), continued Sunday and into Monday, and then just - stopped. And that IS weird for me. So I took the test first thing in the morning Wednesday, and at about 2-3 minutes it looked CLEARLY negative, so I angrily tossed it. Then at 11, my dumbass decided to do a "hmmmm never hurts to double check! 🤡) dumpster dive, even though I know damn well enough to not read tests after the window. Sure enough, there were now two very pink lines. What the fuuuuuuuuuucccckkkk. In a panic, I tried to muster up some pee to take another frantic test. About 6 positive tests later, it finally sunk in. ❤️

I don't even think I know anyone on Tumblr anymore, but I have this need to document this pregnancy like I did my first.

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Mad Dany Could Have Been Great

Listen. GRRM is a hippie. His whole point with the war of the five kings is that war and vying for the throne will NEVER make the players happy, and it will destroy the realm and cause lots of pain and trauma. Reading Fire and Blood it’s even more clear to me he’s. Never once had the Iron Throne make anyone happy. Even Jahaerys the Wise with his long reign, earnest desire for reform, and happy marriage still got a lot of pain just from sitting on that chair. He’s also not about the whole divine right of kings shit. If we thought he was gonna give us some, “Aragorn is the True and Right King of Gondor” ending with Danaerys, I don’t think we were paying attention.

To me it feels Very GRRM to have Dany be so completely ruined by the quest for the throne that she is transformed from an earnest and powerful young girl determined to be a breaker of chains to a woman who has lost so much she is embittered, sees enemies wherever she looks, and has become too jaded to care about the innocent lives she once had empathy for. It actually also feels… smart. I like that ending. It’s tragic, but well done. GRRM doesn’t let conqueror’s tales end in contentment. He never has.

And to the show’s credit, I think the plot has put Dany through a whole fucking lot. I found her plea to Jon Snow rather moving. You can just feel how hard she’s worked for everything in her life up to his point, and how terrified she is of having it taken away from her at the 11th hour. It would make me paranoid and distrustful of those closest to me as well. Add in the murder of two of her dragons and the death of her friends, the sheer cruelty of Cersei, and I mean of course she decides to burn Kings Landing to the ground. You can feel how it’s all slipping away from her hands she’s Danaerys fucking Targaryen, does Cersei THINK she’s gonna lay down like a dog! She’s a conqueror she WILL burn them all.

I find that transformation believable. And also. Kinda inevitable, for anyone. You cannot win a game of chess without sacrificing some pawns. Now me personally, I would never start the game to begin with. But if you’re going to play. You are going to be directly responsible for the deaths of millions of innocents. If you’re scared of that and your enemies aren’t you will lose.

So the more I think about it, Dany becoming bloody and jaded and bitter is extremely fitting. My problem is the show. Did. Not. Execute this even REMOTELY well.

First of the pacing of last episode felt like I ingested speed before viewing I mean holy crap, slow down Boys. All of these things that should have been shown to gradually push her over the edge with a grand culmination were kinda just. thrown at us in 10 minutes of concentrated screen time and it’s like “woaahhhkay I guess this is how they’re framing Dany now? Maybe?”

Again to their credit Dany has always been portrayed as compassionate with a hard edge. If you cross her. She will destroy you. Mercilessly. However I think they’ve spent most of the show having her destroy people who are fundamentally unsympathetic. We’re meant to cheer when she burns people. They needed to spend more time showing how her actions have become increasingly more chaotic, show the process more. I suspect this may be one of the secret plot points GRRM told D&D about that they’re hitting, just with terrible writing, direction, timing, and overall execution.

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emmbeeee

So much this. I freaking love well-written "villain" figures probably more than I ever do about hero figures. Catharsis is a reason tragedies are so long standing in history and literature. I didn't want a happy ending, I wanted a GOOD ending. This wasn't it.

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Stop drop selfie - just got home from work and rocking the humid-and-rain-crazy-hair look 😂😂 I was tagged by @justmymomthoughts

I nominate @coffeekidsandyoga @shainachan @witchingmama @onewildway @queer-cryptid-society

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remember that cartoon where the cat in the hat and the grinch meet, and the cat is like “why are you so mean? is it because of your mother? is it because of your dead mother, you sick bastard?” and it turns out the grinch is just grieving over the loss of his mother and that’s why he’s so miserable

he also hallucinated her in his puddle of tears

Oh my God the forbidden Grinch Lore!

This unlocked a suppressed part of my childhood.

You left out the part where the cat gets a bunch of people to stand around under the Grinch’s window and sing about his dead mother as a form of psychological warfare and he’s doing this because the Grinch has been torturing him and the Grinch was doing this because he was mad at the cat for going on a picnic and parking his car in the middle of road.

….what

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emmbeeee

I feel like I just got dropped in some alternate universe timeline.

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