open ice: stronger | jamie benn

Chris Pine by Mary Ellen Matthews for Saturday Night Live

@blueshoesandbluemountains

I was laughing to myself all across the grocery store

of course I didn’t get anything done on my actual WIP but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

anyway imagine this: there you are, an Innocent Gay, sleepily waiting up for your bestie to call you after his Grand Prix guest slot and maybe send you some creep shots of your celeb crush at the banquet and instead of sending you a picture of your celeb crush flipping his hair back and looking very daddy in his Armani, your bestie calls you. He does, all right. 

He calls and says “sooooooooo definitely don’t go on twitter for a while but everything is fine and you’re not like, in trouble,” and you wake up and then he says “mmmmmmaybe Victor Nikiforov said something about how he always see you around but you never stick around for him to talk to you” and your heart freezes, but then he finished up by saying “and mmmmmaybe I was pretty tired and wired and, you know, my filter wasn’t working great, and mmmmmmmmmmmaaaaayyyyyyyyybeeeeeee I said something that might have sounded a tiny bit like ‘he’s got anxiety and he thinks you’re cute, of course he’s not sticking around, you dumb gay’. anyway. seriously don’t check twitter right now, Chris G was like, right there and –”

then you hang up and scream into your pillow and your bestie texts you “I’M GOING TO TELL YOUR MOTHER YOU HUNG UP ON YOUR PARENT, BITCH” and you text him back a picture of a very shocked and upset dog, except it turns out every shocked and upset dog meme you have is of Victor Nikiforov’s poodle. Fuck.

and then a month later, your dog dies while you’re skating at the Grand Prix Finals and Victor Nikiforov clearly remembers what your roommate said because he offers you a pity picture. 

and like, there’s no way your day can get worse. so you get drunk.

From the Stars IG story, 6/25/18