there is simply nothing funnier than habsburg history
An “Austrian Blunder” indeed
Habsburg officers: “Halt! Halt!”
“What did they say?”
“I think they said ‘Allah! Allah!’”
“Die, Ottoman scum!” *blam!*
another pic, different angle
^ important
big boy
michaelangelo could put all that work into perspective tricks and he still couldn’t sculpt a titty
Look, he was a genius, but he was also Gay
This might be the big one, y'all
dick: so you think joker will be invited to harley and ivy’s wedding?
bruce: he’ll be there. in spirit if nothing else.
harley 24 hrs ago: so we’re gonna have a clown pinata, one for the adults an’ one for the kiddies, so EVERYONE gets a chance ta beat the shit outta a clown
bruce sipping a margarita while he flicks through a bridal magazine: nice
Do they invite Batman or just Bruce?
they very publicly invite both just to see how bruce pulls it off
He hires two impersonators and shows up as Matches Malone
so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
In the afterlife, souls can see how many living people still know you once existed. You, who had lived a fairly normal life, finally saw the count drop to 0 just 200 years after your death. 500 years later, 95% of the Earth’s total population suddenly knows about you.
And they all know I sold really, really shitty copper.
I laughed UNREASONABLY hard over this.
id love for someone to please explain to me how i ended up terrified of any kind of intimacy while craving it constantly all at the same time
Abuse bro
Saving these tags bc I mean. Look at them
i spent like two hours making this so please take my quiz to find out what touchstone classic 80s song you are if you want to be cool and fun
Today I learned that the German word for large/panic/horde shopping is Der Hamsterkauf.
I’ve been trying to leave Rome for a few weeks now, but all their roads have this weird design flaw
Hotelius Californium…
So last week I tried moaning every time I ate something delicious.
It was vaguely uncomfortable and unnatural
I actually love the idea of doing this trying out fanfic/literary cliche’s out in real life, kinda wanna make up a list and undertake it as a challenge.
don’t forget to make your butthole flutter today
Guess someone’s eye color from 20 feet away.
Be careful with these. I started reading fanfiction three years ago and now I have to toe my shoes off to get my feet out.
But do you pad across rooms?
Yes but I often give away my position when I huff.
FYI, I’m smirking at all y’all.
I’m resisting the urge to card my fingers through everybody’s hair.
This is as good a time as any to admit that right now I smell like coffee, sandalwood soap, and something uniquely myself.
Ah, but are you holding a breath you are unaware of?
I just stretched lazily and showed a strip of pale skin where my t-shirt rode up but there was no-one here to stare at it, speechless, so I don’t know if it even counted
I sigh thousand times a day. Hope that is enough.
I was forced to tear my eyes away, yet drawn toward this by my body’s own volition.
i have ghosted my fingertips across countertops, along my own jawline, down the curtains’ edges. i am ghosting them across the nape of your neck, right now.
Get your ass on the dance floor
this is already on my blog like five times and i honestly don’t even care
Eugene gets me
