“Changes in the Script”
Legolas: There was more the orc could tell us.
Thranduil: Perhaps, but it wasn’t about me so I stopped listening.
Thranduil: How is my favorite son tonight?
Legolas: Dad, I’m your only son.
Thranduil: Okay, let’s go with that.
Dwalin: You believe that, Balin?
Balin: If I didn’t see it, brother, I wouldn’t believe it.
Dori: It was something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime.
Nori: Nor I, brother.
Fíli: Kíli’s going to be upset he missed it.
Thorin: He’s like his mother--small bladder.
Dwalin: What now, Cousin?
Thorin: I don’t know, Dwalin. I never thought we’d get this far.
Kíli: I miss everything!
Legolas: Let me guess--that was necessary?
Thranduil: You’ve seen me, son. What do you think?
Gandalf: Thranduil, stop that.
Thranduil: Stop what?
Gandalf: Doing whatever that is.
Bard: What exactly is that you are doing?
Thranduil: Nothing. Just doing what I always do.
Gandalf: Which is making everyone else look bad.
Thranduil: That hurts my feelings, Gandalf.
Gandalf: I apologize.
Bard: You know how sensitive Thranduil is about his looks.
Thranduil: I am very sensitive about them. You will never know how hard it is to be the most beautiful creature to ever walk the face of this earth. It breaks my heart to know how extraordinarily symmetrical I am with long flowing locks of golden hair that frame my immaculate porcelain features with seductively blue eyes so deep they penetrate the souls of anyone I look at.
Gandalf: I think I am going to be sick.
Bard: Can we start this battle already?
Legolas: What was my grandfather like?
Thranduil: Oropher was a great king and an exceptional warrior. He gave to this kingdom all that you see around you.
Legolas: Wow. All this?
Thranduil: Yes, son. Glorious, is it not?
Legolas: Yes, it is.
Thranduil: No king ever did so much for his people.
Legolas: You’re talking about yourself, aren’t you?
Thranduil: You have been paying attention. I’m so proud of you.
Lord Elrond--Lives on the side of a mountain.
King Thranduil--Lives in a cave of elaborate halls named after him.
Lord Celeborn--Okay, so he lives in a tree. Lothlórien to the rescue. Bring on the cookies.
#oops#so celeborn lives in a tree#galadriel does mean tree maiden#caras galadhon is the city of trees#keebler elves are from lothlorien#elrond#thranduil#celeborn#rivendell#mirkwood#lothlorien#elenya evening post#elenya evening post comics#tolkien funnies#middle earth funnies#lotr funnies#hobbit funnies
Legolas: Are we done here?
Thranduil: Am I the King?
Legolas: Yes.
Thranduil: Am I beautiful?
Legolas: Yes.
Thranduil: Well, then. I think we’re done here.
Elrond: I was wondering, Lindir.
Lindir: Yes, Elrond?
Elrond: Why aren’t you a LEGO?
Lindir: Lucky, I guess.
EEPC: Liner Notes
Elrond: Hey. Lindir. You know what?
Lindir: Oh no...what?
Elrond: I was in The Matrix. You know what else?
Lindir: (giggling) What?
Elrond: One does not simply walk into Mordor.
Boromir: [.... .... .... ....]
Legolas: How interesting the day of my birth is on the same day we celebrate your coronation every year.
Thranduil: Yes it is.
Legolas: Why is that?
Thranduil: That was the day I found you under a tree and decided to keep you.
Legolas: Is that true?
Thranduil: It is now.
Bard: That is the most dangerous thing in our world, son. Never cross it if at all possible and never look it in the eye.
Thranduil: Unless you have something for me. Then it is fine.