Elenya Evening Post Comics

Lord Elrond--Lives on the side of a mountain.

King Thranduil--Lives in a cave of elaborate halls named after him.

Lord Celeborn--Okay, so he lives in a tree. Lothlórien to the rescue. Bring on the cookies.

Narrator: Celeborn. Everyone wants to know why he seems not to have any facial expressions whatsoever.

Elrond: You really do not know? Well, it is rather simple. You see, he has to spend some time with family during the War of the Ring. Everyone has that one relative they would rather not see more than once every few thousand years.

Thranduil: I look good from every angle, in any light, in every season at anytime. Who wouldn’t want to see me?

The Elves of Middle Earth: The Masters of “Bitch Face” since time began. Any questions?

Coming Soon: 50 Shades of Thranduil.

Celeborn: Something wrong, Galadriel?

Celeborn: I want to know why you never invite me over to visit Rivendell, Elrond?

Elrond: You are my father-in-law. You know you are always welcome.

Celeborn: Gandalf visits quite often, I understand. He always seems to come to Rivendell. Never to Lothlórien or Mirkwood.

Elrond: I do not know why he will not visit Lothlórien, Celeborn, but we all know of Mirkwood. Such darkness lurks within.

Celeborn: Yes, I know. Thranduil can be rather frightening.

Elrond: I was referring to the curse Sauron put upon his kingdom.

Celeborn: So was I.

Thranduil: Yes, I am so horribly cursed with good looks, perfect hair, fabulous clothes, awesome weapons, fierce elven guards defying the laws of physics and an army of elves in golden armor. I have to settle for riding a majestic elk. How can I go on with the curse of being the Elven King of the Woodland Realm? I mean, my son is a Prince! My poor Legolas has to live with the shame of being the son of a king. Why could he not have had an all-powerful tree lord for a father? We are cursed to live within a cavernous mountain palace with endless and elaborately carved halls named after me? You are so lucky. Living in a tree with a walking lightbulb that never seems to get electrocuted playing in a bird bath. I cannot tell you how many nights I wish I could cry myself to sleep wishing I had your life. Not your obvious lack of fashion sense. Just your life.

Legolas: Oh no…We’re in trouble.

Thranduil: They adore me. Who wouldn’t?

Someone has some ‘splainin’ to do...in Elvish.

Aragorn: Lord Celeborn. Lady Galadriel.

Celeborn: Haldir, what is this about?

Haldir: They come from Rivendell. They are the Nine Walkers–the Fellowship of the Ring.

Celeborn: I can count. I only see two men, four hobbits one elf and a dwarf. That is only eight. Where is Gandalf?

Aragorn: He got lost.

Galadriel: Legolas, this has happened before.

Legolas: Yes, My Lady. Once that I can remember.

Thranduil: So you are telling me Gandalf just left you and your company to wander alone into my kingdom where you could get attacked at any moment by  an orc, a spider or one of my over zealous elven guards protecting my palace?

Thorin: Pretty much.

Radagast: Gandalf, why do you do that?

Gandalf: Do what?

Radagast: Start something and leave in the middle of it?

Gandalf: I did not leave in the middle of anything. I just leave precisely when I mean to which is often right before something is about to happen that will test their strength and their will to survive and work together toward a common goal.

Radagast: You got scared, didn’t you?

Gandalf: Never. Though I am not very fond of spiders and I am afraid Galadriel glows a little too bright in Lothlórien for me. She’s fine in Rivendell, however.