You’re married to your phone background/lockscreen how fucked are you

Hello fellow millennials. TACO NARWHAL lolzzzzz >.<

Oh. My. Gods. Today I did a thing !! Adulting is hard o_O Now I'm a potato xD Le derp. Wish I could get in my tardis and wait for my letter from Hogwarts 😂

I'd be chasing the Golden Snitch and everyone would be like "here come Dat boi" 😂😂😂 ermagersh. IM SO FLIPPING RANDOM. How can I be a cinnamon roll and Fandom trash at the same time??? X)

my girlfriend took my phone from me and spent 20 minutes drafting this post to dunk on millenials instead of cleaning her room

Scooby's lineage goes back to the age of myth,

His oldest known ancestor, Enki Doo, even co-stars in the first known work of fiction

baba rule

if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

I do. 100kg bag of seaweed based glitter.

i dont. 100kg bag of enriched uranium based glitter

wait isnt uranium denser than lead how heavy would a 100kg bag of uranium be

thyrell.

just kill me

reblog to give somebody a fucking hug because we are all struggling to get through it. solidarity in this tough ass world.

Did you eat? (I love you) I bought the bread you like (I love you) I noticed you were upset so I brought you tea (I love you) I made this for you (I love you) I know you have a lot of work and can't talk now so I will leave this thing you like around (I love you) I did your chores (I love you) I will sit by in case you need anything (I love you. I love you. I love you)

girl who has given up 100,000,000,000 times

this means she has tried again at least 99,999,999,999 times. one of the most admirable traits one can have

*says a fact in a conversation and a wikipedia citation appears next to my head*

*clicks the citation*

*text pops up saying “this is not true. He saw this in a youtube video once in 2014 and took it as fact”. the words “youtube video” are underlined and in blue”

*clicks on the link*

I'm about to wii sports resort to violence

I'm about to have a wii fit

how is the kentucky derby not trending on here?? the horse with the lowest odds wins and immediately starts biting everything in its sight, that sounds like a tumblr legend to me

oh my fucking god

This horse wasn’t even supposed to be in the race. Horse number 20 (can’t remember it’s name) dropped out the day before for whatever reason, and Rich Strike was just barely able to sneak a spot into the derby before the deadline. Not to mention that this was just some garbage $30,000 horse that didn’t have any kind of impressive breeding (yes I am aware $30k is still a lot, but for a Kentucky Derby horse, that’s chump change). He was the second biggest upset in the history of the Derby, with one other horse (Donerail) winning with 91-1 odds before in 1913 (Which, for reference, I’m pretty sure Donerail with his 91-1 odds still holds the record for the worst odds in the history of the race. Just for context of how shit Rich Strike’s 80-1 odds were. Not THE worst, but definitely up there).

I am in love with this shit horse who wasn’t even supposed to be there, had some of the worst odds in the history of the race, and had the worst starting position who completely destroyed all of the favorites to win. Watching him come up to first right at the last second was THRILLING.

This story is fucking hilarious

So Rich Strike has barely won a race, but he ALWAYS shoots up in the last stretch. He goes from 11th to 4th, from 8th to 3rd. Rich Strike hits the final corner and suddenly gets flashbacks to his previous life as a Klingon warrior. He starts snarling curses and heads for the finish line like it insulted his ancestors and must PAY, that's just how he runs races

And this was a blisteringly fast time for the Kentucky Derby- one of the fastest races EVER. When the announcer realized the time when they hit the halfway point he was like "Jesus CHRIST" It was incredible. Which means the lead horses, the favorites, were sprinting as hard as they could the entire race. By the time they got to the end they were exhausted

And here comes Rich Strike, turns the last corner and his vision goes red. The lead horses can't pick up the final sprint like usual- they already ARE going flat out. Rich Strike comes up on the inside, NOT exhausted by fighting for the lead spot, howling "DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR" like the complete fucking lunatic he is and just blows past everyone

He's ready to kill. He wants to tear into some Romulans and destroy the Federation, and he wins everything

Then the guy on horseback whose job it is to help slow the running horses down after they cross the finish line comes up and Rich Strike LOSES HIS SHIT

He bites the other horse, he bites the rider, he bites himself. He's like "oh you think you can slow ME down?! I'LL KILL YOU. QAPLA!"

He's completely insane and I love him

Hail to the KING. I watched this happen on TV last year, Best shit i have ever seen and the only time I have cared about the Kentucky derby.

He screams out of nowhere with the fires of hell at his hooves, and the audience started BOOING THIS HORSE as he went to collect his roses. A thousand rich fucks mad as hell, hating the guts of this insane rando who has ruined their party. Huge Lokasenna energy (look this up lol).

this is a joke with no audience but I really wish there was a Wii U game that told you to look at the gamepad but then the gamepad just said "psyche" while simultaneously an enemy on the TV screen attacked you