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#adulthood – @earthmoonlotus on Tumblr
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Lesbian Flower 🌺

@earthmoonlotus / earthmoonlotus.tumblr.com

Lesbian, 27, genderfae, neurodivergent (adhd & autism). White, TME, physically-abled. Fleur/fleur/fleurself or ae/aer pronouns. Eclectic Pagan witch, anarcho-communist, polyamorous, very amatopunk & somewhat arospec. Trans-friendly, ace-friendly, bi-friendly, pan-friendly. I firmly believe that fiction affects reality. Here you'll find nature, art, sapphic lust (block #lemon, #lime, #nsfw text, and #sexy to avoid), various fandoms (mostly scifi and fantasy), witchcraft, spirituality, and social justice. My avatar was made using this picrew: picrew.me/image_maker/257476/ . I also mod sapphohaven, and stimmylotus is my stim blog.
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tlirsgender

Being an adult is finding out a lot of things you weren't allowed to do as a kid don't apply to you anymore because the rule was actually just some arbitrary bullshit this whole time. Like ohh you were just controlling me for no reason? Ok

As a kid I wasn't allowed to eat before dinner because I'd "ruin my appetite" & I'd be like. Going into ketosis because I'm simply bad at eating enough earlier in the day & I still am but now nobody cares if I have a snack. And I'll just be sitting here with my snack like wait why were y'all lowkey starving your kids

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goldensunset

advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love

You get bigger so you can store even MORE love and appreciation for the world inside of you

More adults need to be told this tbh

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ryebreadgf

girlhood this girlhood that. woman you are 26

I got a message about how this is supposedly mean. I am holding your hand when I say that refusing womanhood and clinging onto girlhood will not save you from the realities of adulthood. I am not saying you are not young. 26 is incredibly young. you are free to love the concepts and media associated with girlhood but there is much to love about womanhood that you are not seeing. there is something to be said for being free of the shackles of girlhood and childhood. you are an autonomous being. you have power over your life and the paths you will take. it is easier to see the paths when you start taking yourself seriously instead of waiting for others to do so. no one is saying you have to be serious. womanhood is joy too. a different shade of yellow

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goldensunset

advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love

You get bigger so you can store even MORE love and appreciation for the world inside of you

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montymollusk

please please please remember that no matter what your manager says, it is never that serious. unless you are literally performing surgery or defusing a bomb, it simply is not that serious

last november i stopped working at an office job that was so deeply Corporate™️ it seemed like the setup to a bit. like, every joke you’ve ever heard about a miserable, soul-sucking, completely pointless pencil-pushing job was modeled after this place. management was so afraid of people having personalities that male employees were not allowed to have pierced ears per company policy.

as is somehow Mandatory for jobs like these, anyone in a position of power made it their job to make everyone else’s lives as miserable as possible with constant micromanaging. like, i got told in a strongly worded email to reorder the $2 plastic shelves in my cubicle that i used to store spare paper. it was fucking dire.

but anyways. the reason i quit has to do with what im talking about in the original post. despite the fact that i was consistently at the top of our department leaderboards (yes, we had those, they were emailed out daily) my manager decided that because i couldn’t stay late one day because of a doctors appointment, i needed a Talking To.

he spent an entire day hounding me about this single event, saying that it was a “growing pattern of careless behavior” and that i “forced [my coworkers] to stay until 6 pm”

obviously i felt awful. i was friends with everybody on my team! i didnt want to inconvenience them!! even thought i knew that he was being too harsh, the guilt trip still got to me. but every time i tried to defend myself and explain what was actually going on, he would double down and make it an even bigger issue. this kept going and going until the situation got spun into me being a terrible employee who needed an Action Plan, and i was Ruining The Department, and Everyone Was Going To Stay Overtime Because Of Me.

while i was dealing with this instead of, yknow, actually doing the work that is apparently so dire, i realized… it wasn’t that serious. like, not even fuckin close. the things my coworkers had to do overtime to complete? folding papers. and while yes, it was shitty that they had to stay so late to finish up, i wasn’t the one who made them do it. my manager did! and there were literally dozens of other options to pick from instead, including just leaving the work for me to do the next day! the work we did was nowhere near time sensitive, and certainly not worth the overtime the company paid.

but because i wouldn’t just roll over and accept a chewing out that i didn’t deserve, my manager decided to keep laying on the pressure until i caved. man was assigning legitimately apocalyptic levels of intensity over folding papers. i went from being an asset to the team to getting yelled at by both him and his manager for my “poor performance.”

so i quit. because it’s not that serious.

this whole shitshow is a standard tactic that employers use to trick you into signing away more of your life to the job. make you feel stupid, make you feel like the menial tasks you perform have these dire consequences that simply do not exist. ramp up your anxiety over nothing. they will punish other people because you aren’t slaving away hard enough, and then say that it’s your fault in the first place. you’re not being a team player! you’re not pulling your weight! don’t you see that everyone else is doing their part? don’t you understand what will happen if you don’t contribute?

it is absolutely fucking vital that you don’t listen to any of it. it is even more so that you don’t fall for it when they try to pull this tactic to get you to turn against someone else. the most effective tactic to get someone to fall in line in a workplace is social ostracization. don’t be a tool for your boss to use to manipulate someone else.

it is never that serious.

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The beautiful thing as you get older is that you realize so many “rules” are made up and you can just do whatever. Posters can go anywhere in the house not just my room. I can sit down while cooking a meal or taking a shower. I can make the same thing for breakfast lunch dinner for a week straight. I can roam around the house shirtless. I can wear a dress with jeans. The world is my oyster key word my and I can live as I please embracing little things such as this

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I was a pretty weird outcasted child so one of the greatest wonders of my adult life has been realizing that you can just go someplace and meet some people and casually make some friends, and they might not be in your life forever but you can hang out for a while, and then you can go somewhere else and do it again, and again, if it doesn’t work out no biggie, etc.

Also there’s no point in your life where the window on making friends just closes. You’re never going to hit an age where that’s that, you’re done making friends, you’ll never make another one again. Seems pretty academic but honestly I think it would have saved younger-me (and particularly university-aged me) a lot of stress and worry if someone had just sat me down and told me this.

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Man when I was growing up and dealing with my undiagnosed, unmedicated ADHD and having the worst time, my parents would say, “If you can’t do this now, how are you going to handle being an adult?” all. the. fucking. time.

But all of my problems are actually so fixable.

My mom is out of town and asked me to take out her trash. I forgot. And when I remembered I had two seconds of freaking out before I put together a plan: I got two big plastic boxes, loaded her trash into the trunk of my car, and threw it out in my apartment complex’s dumpster. The only bad thing that happened is I had a small leak into one of the boxes, and I’ve already got that soaking with bleach in my tub. FIXING my terrible ADHD mistake took less effort than doing it properly and you are the only people who will know.

But nooooo when I was a kid it was always ~do it right the first time exactly how we expect or it can’t be done at all~. No fucking wonder I’m a mess of an adult now.

And can we talk about how “how are you going to handle being an adult?” encourages suicidal ideation as well? Bc holy FUCK

The fact is, if no one teaches you these coping strategies, if no one encourages your creativity and problem-solving, you WILL suffer as an adult - but that’s still not your fault.

SO many ADHD kids that go undiagnosed because they’re “gifted” or fly under the radar crash and burn in college. So many crash and burn trying to hold down a stable job.

This isn’t mean to be doom and gloom, it’s meant as an admonishment to parents and teachers and administrators and therapists and all other adults: if you see a child who is struggling and you do not give them coping techniques; if you do not teach them a different way to accomplish the task, or if you don’t encourage them to think up ways that work for them, you are setting that child up for failure.

I’ve had to do so much work just to stay afloat as an ADHD adult. It’s hard. Sometimes it feels impossibly hard. But I just keep trying to stick with the tricks I know work; to try out new ones, and if something is novel and works for a bit, great!! If the novelty wears off and the coping technique stops working, that’s normal for ADHD too. You are not FAILING if the thing that worked for two weeks suddenly isn’t working anymore. We thrive off novelty, period.

Some of the techniques will stick, I promise.

My parents spent years and years trying to teach me to keep track of my keys with shame. 

Never. Fucking. Worked. 

I’d do shit like walk around the neighborhood for two hours in winter rather than admit that my keys were lost again. And even when I could keep track of my keys, it was a constant drain of executive function points that I could have been spending on things like homework.

My husband hung little key hooks by the front door, and it worked instantly. Not 100% effective, but like 99% effective. And when my keys do get lost, instead of blaming myself, I stop and think about why the system broke and how I might need to modify it. Oh, there was snow, and dealing with boots and other outerwear distracted me as I came in the door? Yeah, that might happen. How do I incorporate key hanging into the process of wet boot removal?

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bettsfic

as someone without ADHD but who lives with someone with ADHD who has in turn experienced all the constant parental shaming we’re talking about, the things he’s most terrified of doing or thinks i’ll get mad at him for are actually not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

scared to use the oven in case he forgets to turn it off: ovens can stay on for a while. i’m never gone so long i wouldn’t notice and turn it off myself.

scared to forget to lock the door: who cares? we don’t have anything valuable anyone would want to steal, and they did, a locked door wouldn’t stop them.

scared to park in the garage in case he hits either wall and damages the property: yeah that would definitely suck but 1) he’ll get a scratch on his car, whoopdeedo, and 2) a garage door can be fixed. it might cost money but whatever. mistakes happen. all you can do is fix them.

scared to forget his laundry in the washer (which he’s done several times now): just wash it again. 

scared to forget his meds before work: i bought him a little med bottle for his keychain so he can take a couple spares with him.

scared to forget something i asked him to do: i’ll remind him or, better yet, we’ll do it together.

scared to leave something out in the kitchen: ?? ??? i will put it away.  

to me, unless something causes actual bodily harm or death, it’s not that big a deal. everything can be fixed. everything. the worst that can ever happen is that you lose time or money, and maybe it’s a lot of time and maybe it’s a lot of money, but the point is, it can be fixed. you can burn your entire fucking house down and as long as no one’s hurt, nearly everything can be replaced. no doubt it will suck and you’ll lose a few things of sentimental value, but it’s just stuff. just physical objects that you own. and the place you live is just a building. imo it’s way more worth it to live without shame or fear and make the occasional mistake/forget something important than it is to be constantly vigilant of what-ifs. 

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faeleverte

My life changed when I learned HOW to fix mistakes. When a mistake wasn’t a spiral to despair. When I finally quit trying to be perfect and decided to use my weird brain for creative solutions. ADHD brains are WIRED to be creative and beautiful problem solvers. When you accept that your can be GOOD at fixing mistakes, they become opportunities to shine instead of abuse yourself. And that’s a WONDERFUL feeling!

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madphantom

My life honestly got so much better when I started to actually navigate it myself. Oh, you get exhausted easily when going to bed early and waking up early? Easy, just pick courses in university that start after ten am and start going to bed late. Oh, you don’t like wearing tights because they’re a sensory nightmare? Just get short leggings and warm stockings. Oh, you bite your nails all the time? Get fancy glitter nail polish that tastes like shit but looks good. You have difficulty focusing when it’s quiet? Play music 24/7. If I’d known it’d be this easy I would have been looking forward to it so much more.

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Spoiler alert: adulthood is 96% of you going “well, I hope this is how it works and I’ll keep doing it till someone yells at me”

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bakasara

I like these posts because you read them as a teenager and you think, ‘surely these people are blowing it out of proportion’

AND THEN YOU REACH ADULTHOOD

i am in my 40s and can fully fucking confirm this is a pretty big chunk of adulthood. the rest of it is mostly doing what you’ve figured out you definitely don’t get yelled at for.

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bunjywunjy

the other 4% is figuring out ‘did I deserve to get yelled at for this’ and proceeding accordingly

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mobydyke

part of the universe's inherent cruelty that all the parts of being a grownup that you idolized as a kid are both the best and worst parts of adulthood

balance in all things etc etc but this is mostly to say that whenever ur feeling rly down about how hard growing up and having responsibilities is, it's worth trying to remember that your 6 year old self would be so excited about this. you gotta let that optimistic little motherfucker have a voice in your head, even if that voice mostly tells you to buy gushers when you're in the middle of grocery shopping

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I was a pretty weird outcasted child so one of the greatest wonders of my adult life has been realizing that you can just go someplace and meet some people and casually make some friends, and they might not be in your life forever but you can hang out for a while, and then you can go somewhere else and do it again, and again, if it doesn’t work out no biggie, etc.

Also there’s no point in your life where the window on making friends just closes. You’re never going to hit an age where that’s that, you’re done making friends, you’ll never make another one again. Seems pretty academic but honestly I think it would have saved younger-me (and particularly university-aged me) a lot of stress and worry if someone had just sat me down and told me this.

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looking @ the notes on that ‘everyone needs to grow up’ article and i think the subtle point that a lot of the commentary on that post is missing is and what muva toni morrison was saying…..adulthood isn’t just ‘responsibility’—taking out ur trash and making ur bed—children can do those things…..adulthood is operating emotionally from an empowered place and not from the vulnerabilities and fears of ur childhood. to not get stuck in cynicism or escapism or to expect other adults to provide for u the way a parent should (which automatically disempowers u emotionally).

as we grow older, many of the very legitimate fears and self-protection mechanisms we developed to survive living under the brutal conditions we live under, worked for us as children, but they no longer serve us as adults. to be an adult is to cultivate urself, to understand what to keep and what to discard. it is an activity—a practice—a verb not a noun.

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you are good even when you are unemployed.

you are good even when you need to rely on others’ help.

you are good even when you are depressed.

you are good even when you are hurt.

you are good even when you are scared.

you are good even when you are overwhelmed.

you are good even when you are not tidy.

you are good even when you are confused.

you are good even when you have difficulty performing tasks.

you are good even when you feel like you’ll never measure up to being an adult.

symptoms are not morality.

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you are good even when you are unemployed.

you are good even when you need to rely on others’ help.

you are good even when you are depressed.

you are good even when you are hurt.

you are good even when you are scared.

you are good even when you are overwhelmed.

you are good even when you are not tidy.

you are good even when you are confused.

you are good even when you have difficulty performing tasks.

you are good even when you feel like you’ll never measure up to being an adult.

symptoms are not morality.

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