But what if that causes Jason to work harder? He trains himself for hours, perfecting the most dangerous and skillful of his abilities. However, it is still. not. enough. He cannot outshine Percy’s excellence. So, Jason pushes himself to extreme limits (devoting himself to torturous, lengthy training) to try to uphold his beliefs, the ideas presented to him when he was just a kid: that he is a superior fighter, that he is supposed to be strong (and more capable than his peers), and that he must satisfy himself by proving his strength to others. This leads Jason to challenge Percy in front of their friends. Percy views it as a fun and beneficial training exercise between equals. They spar relentlessly, exerting their energy in what Percy begins to view as a frantic, exhilarating tournament, which pushes him to compete harder. Yet Percy’s happiness is overshadowed by Jason’s determination and guilt. His thoughts blurring together in a hazy panic of labored breaths, Jason feels pure desperation. He knows that, without winning, he is alone in destitute. He has failed. Overwhelmed to being on the verge of tears, Jason loses his sensibility, and his fighting becomes simultaneously more rigid and violent. Finally, Jason slashes his blade into the small of Percy’s back, where his Achilles heel used to be. Although Percy had been rid of the curse, fear embedded itself in his mind surrounding the vulnerability of that spot of his body. Mortified by Jason’s actions, Percy forfeits the battle. And Jason, who’s heartbeat is frenzying uncontrollably in his ears and who’s hands refuse to stop shaking, finally feels a surge of pride, if only for a moment, because he beat Percy Jackson. Filled with hubris, Jason feels powerful, but more importantly, he feels needed. Jason is proud that he has proved his usefulness to himself and his friend, but when he gazes upon the Argo II’s crew: at Annabeth tightly hugging a shivering, anxious Percy, at Hazel and Frank holding hands out of fear, at the questioning look on Nico’s face, at Leo’s nervous fidgeting, and at Piper’s frown of disappointment, shame envelops Jason. He tries to stabilize himself to no avail, as all he notices is the empty feeling of overwhelming dread. Tears rapidly cascade down his tense face, his lungs tight as he grapples for air, something he once had full control over. Utter helplessness, embarrassment, and fear block out Piper and Leo’s hands and words that attempt to comfort Jason. Looking around the arena, Jason makes eye contact with Percy, who’s eyes dart away, his eyebrows furrowing in pain from the sticky stream of blood spewing down his back. To Percy’s right is a glaring, irked Annabeth, frozen with fear. Despite all the commotion he has caused, and all the pain he has felt, a nagging thought persistently distracts Jason’s mind, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth: It was Percy’s choice to walk away and lose the battle, and he wasn’t even using his full strength. Jason realizes that, even in Percy Jackson’s most frightened state, he would always have friends to support him, he would always have his sense of dignity, and he would always possess the power of surpassing Jason on every level. Above all, that hurt more than anything, or at least it hurt more than the lack of oxygen. Jason falls unconscious, his body failing as much as his sense of purpose, his emotions nullifying into a calmer state. The last thing Jason thinks about before falling asleep is neither the echoing shouts of Piper and Leo nor is it Percy Jackson’s voice reassuring, “It’s alright, Jason.” Instead, Jason dreams of a mirage with wolves in tall grass, alcohol flowing into a paranoid woman’s stomach, and the fear of forgetting and of remembering. As Jason watches this unfold, he is convinced that his destiny, his purpose, is to be alone, and maybe that is all he is worth.