@keyofjetwolf

AHEM THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED THIS YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry

Cinder!

my gf REFUSES to squeeze her titties together so i can swipe a debit card through her cleavage like a card reader so romance is dead i guess

its like marine biology Jackass

i love this guy 60% of every video is him rolling around on the floor screaming while his camera guy goes “hey….. u ok?” then 5 minutes later he gets up and is like “ok folks, there u have it, the Satan DeathRay Fire Monster actually does cause pain when it bites u. science is great”

To be fair, this is actually a really good way of getting kids to realize that these animals really are dangerous, and he goes through the first aid either on the same video or in a follow up video (if it’s something complicated). IIRC, the whole reason he started doing videos like this was because while he was in Montana or something he saw a lot of Facebook posts about people whose dogs had gotten too close to a porcupine and they didn’t know how to remove the quills, so he (naturally) went into the woods, found a porcupine, quilled himself and filmed himself taking the quills out and explaining what he was doing.

He’s still fucking insane, but, you know, it’s for a good cause

He’s living his best life, his job is getting hurt on camera and educating others on how to be safe. And he clearly loves his job.

The rightful heir to the throne Steve Irwin left.

I’m HOLLERING, CLARK!

“If you would be so kind as to h*cking Perish”

That’s the face of a man that could turn his opponents hand into strawberry jam, but he’s not listening to that part even though it’s really convincing

That face says “Is that all you have, my good bitch?”

Clark Kent walks line between “kill em with kindness” and “straight up power move” like a pro and I love him for it

So I just went with my buddy while he got a rib tattoo, and they hurt like a lot, so he’s over there grimacing and being a huge manbaby so I just reach over and grab his hand so he can squeeze it because I’m a good person who helps others

And he’s clinging to my hand like it’s a life preserver and I’m being me and talking about nonsense like Grimace from the McDonalds commercials and how R2D2 is always ready to throw hands, and whatever, and the artist keeps glancing over at me and I’m like do your tattoo bro I’ve got my buddy handled

But then I realize he’s like, looking over because he can’t tell if he’s seeing something or not, and I glance down and I see my rainbow scalemail bracelet, and how I’m talking to my buddy all fondly and I’m like stroking his arm like he’s a wounded animal, and right as it clicks in my head the tattoo artist asks in his most nonchalant voice possible, like intentionally bland, I’m just talking about the weather haha what do you mean voice:

“So, are you guys close?”

And my gay ass is over to the side internally screaming because yeah, I am gay, but like this is just me being a good bro and my buddy is COMPLETELY OBLVIOUS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE HE’S A GARBAGE STRAIGHT PERSON AND HE SAYS

“Yeah of course, that’s why I asked him to come”

SO NOW THE TATTOO ARTIST THINKS HE’S RIGHT AND HE HAS A GAY COUPLE GETTING A TATTOO AND MY BUDDY HAS NO IDEA AND I’M AWKWARDLY SITTING HERE LIKE SHOULD I STOP HOLDING HIS HAND??? SHOULD I CORRECT THIS TATTOO ARTIST??? SHOULD I LET MY BUDDY KNOW??? MY GAY ASS DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE BEING INCORRECTLY ACCUSED OF BEING GAY, WHAT DO YOU DO

So that tattoo artist is like “Cool man, that’s great. Good for you.”

So then my buddy is like can I get some water, and the guy comes back with one bottle of water and my buddy takes a drink and then hands it to me, and I’m like obviously he has to lay down and needs me to hold his water so I just hold it in my hand, but turns out he was offering me water, so he turns to me and is like Colton, drink some water, and I take a drink and my garbage lizard brain is like “You’re drink sharing in front of the tattoo artist, now he KNOWS he’s right”

So we’re talking about tattoos with the artist and I mention that I’m getting a tattoo in September and my buddy is like “Yeah I’m gonna go and hold HIS hand for that one haha” and the tattoo artist FUCKING SAYS “I mean, I should hope so”

I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO

I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO

AND NO ONE ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT UP. I KNEW WHAT THE TATTOO ARTIST WAS THINKING BUT DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING TO CORRECT HIM. NOW WHEN MY BUDDY GOES BACK AND GETS HIS NEXT TATTOO IN THE FUTURE AND I’M NOT THERE HE’S GOING TO GO “OH WHERE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND”

When you see a girl out with her boyfriend and she is dressed up and he is wearing basketball shorts and a tshirt with a fish on it

is this what growing up is like

me at 14: wow, protagonists in media my age! how relateable!

me at 28: WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CHILD SOLDIERS? WHERE ARE ALL THE ADULTS? WHO LET THIS HAPPEN AND WHY ARE THEY NOT BEING PROSECUTED BY LAW WITHIN THESE FICTIONAL UNIVERSES

In the same vein:

Me at 14: oh protagonists that are 17-20-ish, they’re basically adults, right?

Me at 28: Oh my Gods you’re babies who left you in charge?!

Ariel: Daddy, I love him! Me at 14: Yeah, girl, you tell him! Me at 30:

Marnie in Halloweentown: I’m thirteen, okay? I’m practically grown up! I’m certainly old enough to make my own choices – right?

Me at 7: Right!

Me at 13: Right! …Well, okay, maybe not practically grown up, but still, right!

Me at 28:

You either die young or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

This is so true

The best moments of this show are where Eric has realized they’ve gone too far

They deadass got a live bear….

a girl in one of my classes sent out an email saying “you’ll be having a furry classmate this semester” and my heart stopped but she was talking about her service dog

mcqueen

mcqueen

im begging of you please dont take my man

quick sketch of ships

he tried

im still listening to this mf soundtrack

Nota Kağıtlarını Resimleriyle Süsleyen Öğretmen ile Tanışın: ‘Ursula Doughty’

these are amazing!!!!