To my Asian community and family-
The people I love and cherish taught me that if you are not actively unlearning your racism, specifically anti-black racism, you’re perpetuating a vicious cycle of violence against black and brown bodies. When I was younger, there were implicit messages about black people and this underlying fear or black folks within the Chinese community. I didn’t even have to hear it—I SAW IT. I perpetuated myths about black and brown bodies through my silence and seemingly casual conversations with my friends and family members. I remember having specific words to describe black and brown people. There were many comments I heard within my own family, with my friends about black and brown folks, and I participated in these conversations. These messages implicitly and explicitly told me there was something scary about black people, and that the injustices against black people were their own faults, because, as a family member had once said to me when I was 17, “If Asian people can pull themselves up from oppression, racism, and be successful, why can’t black and brown people do it as well?” These messages are quiet, insidious, and sometimes blatantly loud, but the truth of the matter is, they wreak havoc on our lives and divide us.
Later on in college, as discussions of race, identity, and privilege became much more prominent in my life (which wouldn’t have entered my stream of consciousness if it weren’t for my Black professors and mentors) I recall feeling a lot of guilt and feeling unsure of how to move forward in unlearning anti-black racism. Kevin Washington, my mentor at SF State reminded me that there were incredible times when Asian Americans stood in solidarity with the Black Power Movement. He gave me tools—the language to talk about race, and how to unpack and undo internalized racism and horizontal racism that plagues communities of color. As I began to realize how racism is perpetuated by my own community, I still felt paralyzed. Where do I start? Who do I talk to? What can I do, as an Asian American, what can I do to undo and unlearn anti-black racism and educate my community?
This process did not happen overnight, and it will continue as long as I live. During a meeting with my mentor at the time, the late Aaronette White at UCSC (Rest in Power), I remember telling her how guilty I felt and. I am so grateful for her constructive support—she checked me right then and there, and told me: guilt is not a productive emotion. It’s paralyzing, and you don’t move. She encouraged me to read more texts from Black women, scholars, activists, community members, and she set me on a path to really unpack my own assumptions, biases, and internalized racism. Thank you both, for waking me up and encouraging to move forward in solidarity.
This work is still being undone, and right now, I feel it’s so important and crucial that as an Asian American, I STAND IN SOLIDARITY WITH FERGUSON. I stand in solidarity with #BlackLivesMatter.
Black. Lives. Matter.
I am not going to side with my oppressors and pretend that we’re okay with watching other communities suffer. We are not a model minority, and I’m NOT siding with white supremacy in acting like racism is over, because it isn’t. I am so hesitant as I write this, because I’m almost hearing my family’s voices in the back of my head screaming at me, “You’re airing our dirty laundry! Why are you making a fuss? WHY ARE YOU SO SENSITIVE” but you know what? Fuck it. One of the reasons I’m going to sit with this discomfort and coming out to say this now is some of the most important people in my life are speaking up about these injustices and making space for these conversations to happen. When others make space for these conversations, change happens. It’s a process. An ongoing process. These things have been on my mind for so long and can I just say, it is so incredibly empowering and inspiring to be around folks who support the discomfort, the constant growth, and the messiness that comes with waking up, coming to terms with the reality of the world, and moving forward in solidarity with all communities of color.
We have different struggles and experiences, but that does not mean we can’t stand in solidarity with other communities facing oppression by the Nation and State. Conversations NEED to happen within our own community, and space for these conversations are incredibly necessary. So today, I’m speaking out. I support Black Lives Matter.