mouthporn.net
#social stuff – @dyspunktional-leviathan on Tumblr
Avatar

Hate Wins and Love Loses

@dyspunktional-leviathan / dyspunktional-leviathan.tumblr.com

✨ Quit assuming others' lack of disability ✨ Just started the project @fundraising-with-audiobooks ◆ it/its, gender-neutral language (+ no -x- words) ◆ Everyone's least favorite disability discourser ◆ Anarchist as in against any and all hierarchy, not just anti-state ◆ Transhumanist, youthlib, animal lib, anti-civ (*not* anprim; anti-primitivism) ◆ Antizionist Jew ◆ Against all exclusionism ◆ Anti-relativist ◆ Real life pathetic blorbo ◆ Crippled immortal mage-robot-cosmos with severe executive dysfunction ◆ Angry nonbinary ◆ Heartless lovequeer aro ◆ Asks are very welcome, but I might answer *very* slowly (though occasionally, I do answer fast) ◆ Art blog — @whatruwaitingfor-draw-spades, fandom blog — @skies-full-of-song (reblogs mostly go to main), ao3 — disabled_hamlet ◆ Icon art by Virgil Finlay ✧ Freedom of one ends where freedom of another begins; and not a hair's breadth before that ✧
Avatar
Avatar
dalishious
Anonymous asked:

do you think it would have been preferable for 'non-binary' to be called something from an in game language? like maybe taash could have used a rivaini word, or an elf/dwarf rook could have used a name from their own language? i personally don't hate non-binary being used but feel like in addition, expanding upon in game languages would have been cool too.

I personally see no problem with it either. Especially because if you don't spell it out that plainly, there's gonna be people arguing about how it's "not really enby" or whatever.

Avatar

Fictional worlds can have all sorts of things not directly derived from either what is expected to be their inspiration or within themselves, but specifically the moment it has anything to do with suppressed groups, people began to get pissed.

Thedas has nonbinarity, has it by that name, and if someone doesn't welcome that, they should deal with it.

Of course, it is good if it also has different manifestations and names for similar concepts, just like in real modern world as well; and just like in real modern world, they can use "nonbinary" in more than one place.

And very yes to the "if it was a different term people would be arguing that it isn't really enby"

Avatar

some of yall will be like "be gay do crime!!!" but then torrenting is too scary n diy hrt/medication is too dangerous and shoplifting is too risky and i think the only crime u guys r comfortable committing is "being" illegal in a country you'll never visit who's people you've never had to recognise as actual human beings

Avatar

Free PDF Books on race, gender, sexuality, class, and culture

Found from various places online:

Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde (link updated 1/14)

Critical Race Theory: An Introduction by Richard Delgado and Jean Stefancic (link updated 1/14) 

The Black Image in the White Mind: Media and Race in America- Robert M. Entman and Andrew Rojecki (link updated 1/14) 

Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism - bell hooks (link updated 1/14) 

Feminism is for Everybody - bell hooks (link updated 1/14) 

I am Your Sister - Audre Lorde (link updated 1/14)

Black Feminist Thought-Patricia Hill Collins (updated 1/14) 

Gender Trouble - Judith Butler

Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston

Medical Apartheid - Harriet Washington

Colonialism/Postcolonialism - Ania Loomba (updated 1/14)

Discipline and Punish - Michel Foucault

Cultural Theory and Popular Culture - John Storey (updated 1/14)

Michel Foucault - The History of Sexuality, Vol. 1, Vol. 2, Vol. 3

(Sorry they aren’t organized very well.)

Avatar

We've got to retire this 'product of their time' phrase, everyone's born in a time and everyone reacts to what's happening around them at that time, it's a completely impotent phrasing that seems to be used to exonerate anyone we please of any responsibility for their opinions without rhyme or reason. What does it add to any discussion or sentence? If you believe criticism of a public figure is ignoring the circumstances of their life or the culture they lived in, say that.

Tolkien was influenced by his baptist-then-catholic upbringing after having been born in colonised south africa, sure. That means his views on women were simply a burden foisted upon him by the opinions-angels of bloemfontein1892 and therefore there's no reason to talk about it? Seems dubious to me.

Virginia Woolf is ten years older than Tolkien, Ronald Reagan is twenty years younger than Tolkien, Thomas Jackson was born in 1760 and none of that means we cannot critisise all of them for the things they said or the impacts they have had upon society. One of Tolkien's being this wide-spread instinct to never be too mean to him or allow any discussion about him to proceed without first reassuring his ghost that we aren't mad at him, as if he might cry. Do we do this with any other author of the 20th century? Genuinely I'd be fascinated to know if we do, I can't think of a single one.

Avatar

You need to be more okay with others wanting to have some aspects of your experience. Including the ones you do not like. This is not spiteful, this is not diminishing anything you went through, and you should stop treating it like an attack.

Avatar

> The college I attended was small and very LGBT friendly. One day someone came to visit and used the word “gay” as a pejorative, as was common in the early 2000s. A current student looked at the visitor and flatly said, “we don’t do that here.” The guest started getting defensive and explaining that they weren’t homophobic and didn’t mean anything by it. The student replied, “I’m sure that’s true, but all you need to know is we don’t do that here.” The interaction ended at that point, and everyone moved on to different topics. “We don’t do that here” was a polite but firm way to educate the newcomer about our culture. […]

> It turns out talking about diversity, inclusion, and even just basic civil behavior can be controversial in technical spaces. I don’t think it should be, but I don’t get to make the rules. When I’m able I’d much rather spend the time to educate someone about diversity and inclusion issues and see if I can change how they see the world a bit. But I don’t always have the time and energy to do that. And sometimes, even if I did have the time, the person involved doesn’t want to be educated.

> This is when I pull out “we don’t do that here.” It is a conversation ender. If you are the newcomer and someone who has been around a long time says “we don’t do that here”, it is hard to argue. This sentence doesn’t push my morality on anyone. If they want to do whatever it is elsewhere, I’m not telling them not to. I’m just cluing them into the local culture and values. If I deliver this sentence well it carries no more emotional weight than saying, “in Japan, people drive on the left.” “We don’t do that here” should be a statement of fact and nothing more. It clearly and concisely sets a boundary, and also makes it easy to disengage with any possible rebuttals.

> Me: “You are standing in that person’s personal space. We don’t do that here.” > Them: “But I was trying to be nice.” > Me: “Awesome, but we don’t stand so close to people here.”

> Them: Tells an off-color joke. > Me: “We don’t do that here.” > Them: “But I was trying to be funny.” > Me (shrugging): “That isn’t relevant. We don’t do that here.”

Avatar

The problem I have with the "basic and lukewarm principles of feminism" is that they're, well, basic. In the "basic biology" way of basic, in the way that you're actually supposed to go past them and towards more complex ideas.

You start with an assumption that man/woman is the only type of a social division that matters, and you interpret any statements about men's marginalization through their manhood as a statement about women oppressing men of comparable social status.

Meanwhile it's more often a conversation about how the society and its systems oppress men from marginalized demographics, and how their manhood may intersect with this oppression in a way that harms them additionally.

There's no men and women in a vacuum, everyone has additional features, such as cis, immigrant, disabled, rich, and so on and so forth, and you need to consider them for your analysis of gender to be adequate.

I repeat, nobody on this side of Tumblr is saying that manhood in a vacuum is a marginalized identity. What we're saying instead is that men who are already marginalized may face worsening of that marginalization that's fueled by the society's ideas about men.

Avatar
valkyrie-231

lol no actally.

part of the patriarchy is that men strip a huge part of them away. (their more emotional femmine sides)

Men are also told how to act, more violently than women (see most violence is man on man - their correcting their peers)

Acknowledging that the strightist, cisist, most abled, richist, whitest man is still HURT DEEPLY by the patriarchy is super important!

This shit hurts EVERYONE.

(this is ofc not to say that man and a black, disabled, gay, trans, poor, women would have the same level of oppression)

Just that no matter who you are you will be hurt and treating everyone's hurts should be important to moving forward.

I think it's important to separate between hurt/repression and being marginalized. You can absolutely be harmed, including being harmed consistently and systematically, without it making you a part of the oppressed class.

I'd argue that, for example, white people under white supremacist governments being convinced that the rest of the world is out to get them is a type of harm, because it's extremely unhealthy to live with such a mindset and it worsens their quality of life. But that doesn't mean white people are marginalized for being white.

Marginalization and oppression, among other things, mean being a part of a group that's considered bad, unimportant, or nonexistent for qualities directly associated with it. Meanwhile being forced to exhibit traits considered praiseworthy because that's what's assigned to your group is a somewhat different social process. Still harmful, but different.

But it's important to discuss both as a part of the same conversation, first and foremost because it helps to dismantle the idea that having privilege means having a comfortable and carefree life all the time.

Avatar

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

Avatar
tepkunset

Who the fuck is voting no and can you please give me your money? Sincerely someone who makes about $17,000 a year

Avatar
biglawbear

Someone who makes $65k may not be "as poor" as someone who makes $17k a year but that doesn't make them rich. You're both still pretty damn poor.

They're only making about $31 an hour. This is how much my mom makes as a nurse, an "essential worker."

She has just enough money to pay her bills. She lives in a tiny, crappy house. Her car is ancient and falling apart. She doesn't have enough money to pay for all the healthcare she needs, including $20,000 of dental work she can never afford.

When I lived with her and she was a single mom, we could never afford the doctor and could barely afford food sometimes.

She will never be able to retire.

How tf do you think that is rich?

Frankly, my mom is still poor.

Your enemy isn't the person makes $65,000, or even some doctor or lawyer making $165,000. It's the people making billions off of everyone else's labor.

You can't eat the rich if you think every single person making more money than you is rich.

The problem is that while they may not be my enemy, the doctor making $165k/year still consistently shows they cannot imagine what a regular day in my life is like and is still given systematic power of life or death over me. Decisions a doctor makes on a whim can make or break the quality of life for an impoverished person with a disability for YEARS, or outright result in denial of lifesaving care that's legal and occurs often enough that the causal link to the resulting death goes unremarked upon or is soon forgotten.

People cannot process the gap between a millionaire and a billionaire for the same reason they cannot process the gap between a person with a phd who's only ever missed a meal bc they forgot or were too busy and a person who sobbed with relief getting a 35k/year job who spent the first 10 years of their adult life strategically missing meals spaced out throughout the month so they wouldn't have to starve for several days straight at the end of the month.

The richest people intentionally create these gaps because they know the people starving to pay rent or crying from pain to keep their 35k/year job see and hear a lot more about the people for whom the economic bottom has truly fallen out within the imperial core, such as homeless people in wealthy countries. Vulnerable people with some privileges who live and die by a difference in yearly income that's less than pocket lint to bosses and high level politicos etc are an easy link in the chain to break because our lives are spent on survival and our deaths are not understood as what they were.

And let us not forget about the true numerical majority of people who mostly live and die in economically exploited countries outside the imperial core- whose numbers are the only REAL threat to any billionaire's stranglehold on power.

Your landlord might make less than your doctor but they can still have you indirectly killed if the circumstances align, and are likely to at least make your life difficult in wyas that will shorten it by many years if your interests conflict with theirs in even the smallest way. A cop might make 60k/year but the phrase "police union" should still be treated as an oxymoron.

There is no level of shared oppression at which a person can inherently be trusted to have any shred of class consciousness, and no level of prior suffering which garauntees a person will do the right thing with any new awareness they gain.

I feel I should share here the single wisest thing any person has ever said to me, which has stuck with me since 2015. It was in a different context. I had said that I was disapppinted about some conflicts between an intersectional body positivity group in our town and local networks of intersex & trans activism because you'd think these would be natural allies. They said:

"There's no such thing as natural allies. You have to build the bridge and you have to maintain it."

Nothing has ever stuck with me more. There's no such thing as natural allies. Class consciousness and the solidarity it supports are built. Only ever built. They only exist if we make them.

Avatar
Avatar
self-winding

"A cishet person must have made this, no queer person would ever portray queerness in this way."

"This artist must be white."

"No SA victim would ever handle the subject in this way."

"No woman would ever write women like this."

"This creator is obviously neurotypical. Everyone with autism/ADHD/depression understands-"

Nope.

People who make these blanket statements are very frequently proven wrong when the creator comes out as a member of that group. And even when they aren't proven wrong, even in cases where the creator isn't from the group in question, actual members of the group who don't fit whatever arbitrary criteria are being expressed will see these statements and feel excluded and erased.

Not everyone in your group is going to share your experiences. No single individual gets to personally decide what does or doesn't count as a "valid" expression of trauma or being part of a particular group, and creators are also not obligated to out themselves in order to "prove" their validity.

If something doesn't resonate with you, all that means is that it doesn't resonate with you. You don't have to like it. But you don't get to decide what it means to someone else.

Avatar
iamnmbr3

this is so important

Avatar

Hi. I read a recent ask from someone else, where you say that you are now divorcing your partner, so this may be a little awkward but; I have seen your post about your (ex-)partner several times now, and I wanted to ask. I am AFAB non-binary. Funnily enough, I’m also pan. But I have recently started to think- albeit in the vaguest of senses- about dating, and I realised that I almost certainly will struggle to find cis guys who will date me and be chill with my gender. So, I was wondering if you had any insights? Feel free to ignore this!

Avatar

I hope you're cool with me answering this publicly, because it's giving me the kick I needed to say some things I want out there for anyone who sees that post and finds my blog.

it's getting easier to talk about. the truth is, my ex treated me very badly in the last couple of years we were together, worse than I was willing to admit to myself before a lot of therapy and a lot of kindness and patience from friends. there was a lot of gaslighting and intense emotional volatility along with financial and legal abuse. I have lingering post-traumatic symptoms from it - frequent nightmares, panic attacks, even a massive months-long gap in my memory.

but none of that really has anything to do with your question, because the fact is, respecting their identity has fuck all to do with our relationship, or their character, or their actions.

I actually had a big fight with my mother recently because she was upset that I don't talk to her about all this enough, and eventually I was like, "after 7 years you still can't even get their pronouns right, how am I supposed to go to you for support about how that relationship fucked up my life when I have to stop to defend them from your ignorance every five minutes?" she seemed surprised that I still cared about being respectful and I was just like, yeah and that's why you and I have spent 30 years not understanding each other lol

and I think that's kinda the best advice I can give you: don't trust anyone who only cares about respecting the truth of who you are when they're happy with you. they should care when you've fucked up and hurt them. they should care when you're yelling at each other because they're being a selfish dickhead. they should care when you break up, or when they ask you out and you say no.

that doesn't mean they always have to get it right. people slip up on pronouns because of how they're used to talking, or they repeat dumbass stereotypes or ask inappropriate questions because they don't know better yet. but don't waste your time with anyone whose level of respect for your gender is based on their attitude to you in that moment. you deserve better than that. someone who only gets your pronouns wrong when they're angry is a way bigger red flag than someone who just occasionally gets them wrong at random times.

and yeah, you might struggle to find people who meet that threshold, depressingly low though it is. but the good news is, once you do find those people you're automatically in a better starting place than a lot of relationships. and knowing you've found the right person is way more important than how long it takes.

Avatar
Avatar

tbh this might be controversial but as someone VERY pro palestine so many fellow anti zionists are out of touch as fuck.

first: stop treating bisan like she's beyonce she just wants to be a normal person safe at home. of course give her a platform and a voice but stop acting like she's the next taylor swift that very clearly makes her uncomfortable.

second: a shit ton of yall are out of touch about the boycotts. of course, please boycott as much as you can but if youre harassing a starbucks or mcdonalds worker who doesn't even want to work there and is on the brink of homelessness, who inst privileged enough to just quit, you are not the good person you think you are. just because you are financially okay doesn't mean other people can just cut their only source of income especially with how bad the economy is. that's helping no one.

2.5: PLEASE stop telling people under the age of 18 who depend on their parents (who don't respect boycotts) that they should starve instead of eating if their parents get mcdonalds or dominos? like of course boycotting is one of if not the most important resource, but those kids arent CHOOSING to break boycotts thats not their choice some parents just don't listen. kids need to fucking eat and no sane activist or palestinean would want ANOTHER child to go without food.

instead of bullying poor people please actually do things that benefit palestine

Avatar
dukeoftears

Also to add: PLEASE actually learn what a zionist is! I've seen many zionists who claim to be anti-zionist or people accusing others of being zionists when they're not.

A zionist anyone who believes in or supports the creation, development, and / or protection of a Jewish nationalist state in the land of Palestine.

To put it in layman's terms- it's anyone who believes or supports the notion that Israel is a valid state or has the right to exist.

If you think "Israel's government is bad but the people are innocent", you're a zionist.

If you think "Israeli" is a valid ethnicity, you are a zionist.

If you think the two-state solution is good, you are a zionist.

If you think the end goal SHOULDN'T be to end Israel's existence as a whole and return the land back to Palestine, you are a zionist.

LEARN WHAT YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR.

"Free Palestine" means to free Palestine from Israeli occupation! It means to return the land that was stolen from Palestine- the land that people now call Israel- back to the Palestinians. In a world with a free Palestine, Israel would not exist.

Avatar
Avatar
hussyknee
Anonymous asked:

I am really sorry, to hear you are struggling. I don't tag my posts or reblogs because I didn't want those who follow me or are my mutuals or visit my page to look away. We don't follow each other but I think, I can understand why it can get hard over the months.

Thank you. In my case it's gotten so bad because I already have severe psychiatric issues + toxic personal life stuff. I'm pretty sure it's the same for a lot of other people on this site. We tend to be so leftist because most of us are ourselves severely disenfranchised and struggling, which means we can burn out much faster.

I understand why you don't tag and it would be up to me to unfollow a blog that has made that choice rather than yours to accommodate me. So I don't mean to tell you what to do at all, but I think your approach may be counterproductive. You can't guilt people into staying engaged for months on end. The ones who really empathize and care will burn out and be unable to follow you and the ones who need to be guilted into reblogging will simply shrug and disengage because performative caring never goes past the lowest threshold of individual comfort.

I think keeping the tags trending and donation posts going is the main thing. This is a war of attrition between public policy and public concern, which means they're relying on news and compassion fatigue to set in, at which point the violence can be normalized. Policy makers gauge public interest via trending tags, news clicks, social media keywords. In order to keep those numbers while staving off fatigue, we need to game the system. That's why Ive been saying from the first to simply go in the Palestine tags once a day or two days and reblog a few posts before going back to whatever you were doing. We can't solve a problem that the UN won't, but we can keep up mutual aid networks and keep media analysts and corporations worried as all hell if we work together. Tagging is one of the ways we can do this with mutual help, consent, and manageability.

Achievable, spiteful goals are a lot more appealing and tenable to the masses than constant, unrelenting pressure to care. Caring is great, but it's only valuable to social justice insofar as it serves as a catalyst to some kind of action you can take. Otherwise it's just fuel for burnout.

Avatar
Avatar
Anonymous asked:

Feel free not to answer this ask so you dont have to step into this particular hornet's nest but do you have any thoughts about people sharing inaccurate science about COVID in order to push for more COVID regulations? I agree that COVID is being neglected and we need better policies but I'm also a biochemist so it pisses me off to see people cite research in a way that makes exaggerated and terrifying claims. Two years ago, I was warning my colleagues against this condescending "just trust the science" approach but now the same crowd pushing that has shifted to pushing "don't trust any of the positive science, only my catastrophic interpretations of it". Can't we mask without also trying to convince each other that COVID is a guaranteed one way ticket to death and permanent disability?

you must be new here haha i swing bats at this hornet's nest like once a month. yeah i think the current state of covid communication sucks a lot. i mean the truth is that "follow the science" is always a disingenuous sentiment; Science doesn't speak, and scientists disagree with one another. and it's naïve to pretend majority consensus is a reliable mechanism to identify truth—anyone who has followed the covid aerosolisation about-face will recall that although linsey marr was not the first researcher to challenge medical orthodoxy on airborne disease transmission, even well into the covid pandemic the idea of aerosol transmission was marginalised by global health authorities because it was politically inconvenient, out of favour with powerful established academics, and reminiscent to some of pre-pasteurian miasma theories of disease. those who would "follow the science" were not presented with a convenient dichotomy between reasonable evidence-backed expert consensus and fringe peddlers of heterodoxy; to evaluate these positions required actually, yknow, reading and evaluating the arguments and evidence from multiple competing positions, and deciding which had the greater explanatory power. which is good epistemological advice only insofar as it's so obvious as to be trite.

fundamentally a huge driving force of this situation is the social, political, and institutional forces that make expert knowledge (a generally good thing) all too often synonymous with inaccessible knowledge. i don't mean inaccessibility caused by knowledge being specialised; obviously this is inevitable to some extent simply as a result of the fact that no one person will grasp the entirety of human knowledge. but the fact that knowledge is specialised, specific, highly technical, and so forth doesn't automatically mean, for example, that it has to be monetarily gatekept from all but a select few with the resources to persevere through a highly punishing, nepotistic, hegemonic university system; this is a political problem, and one that additionally has the effect of enabling and sheltering low-quality work (see: replication crisis) behind the opaque walls of university bureaucracy and the imprimateur of the credentials it grants. in lieu of an ability to actually engage with, read, or challenge much of the academic research being generated on any given topic, the lay public is supposed to rely on signs of reliability like possession of a degree, or institutional reputation. what we in fact see again and again, and with particularly high stakes in the case of something like a pandemic, is that these measures are instruments of class stratification and professional jockeying that don't inherently ensure quality information: MDs can and do peddle anti-vaxx lies and covid / long-covid denialism; the CDC and WHO can and do perpetrate bad and outdated scientific advice, like that masks are unnecessary and isolation periods can be shortened for convenience. many of these are just blatant cases of kowtowing to political pressure, which arises from the capitalist logic that counterposes disease prevention to economic growth.

this all leaves us in a position where it is, in fact, smart and correct to evaluate the information coming from 'official' and credentialled sources with scepticism. the problem is that in its place, we get information coming out of the same capitalist state-sponsored scientific institutions, and the same colonialist universities; the idea that some chucklefuck on twitter is telling you the secret truth just because they correctly identified that the government sucks is plainly absurd. where covid specifically is concerned, the liberalism of academic and scientific institutions is on display in numerous ways, including the idealist assumption, which many 'covid communicators' make, that public health policy is primarily a matter of swaying public opinion, and therefore that it is always morally imperative to form and propagate the most alarmist possible interpretation of any study or empirical observation. this is not an attitude that encourages thoughtful or measured evaluation of The Science (eg, study methodology), nor is it one that actually produces the kind of political change that would be required to protect the populace writ large from what is, indeed, a dangerous and still rampant virus. instead, this form of communication mostly winds up generating social media Engagement and screenshots of headlines of summaries of studies.

meanwhile, actual public health policy (which is by and large determined at the mercy of capitalist state interests, and which by and large shapes public opinion of what mitigation measures are 'reasonable', despite the CDC repeatedly pretending this works the other way round), remains on its trajectory toward lax, open exposure of anyone and everyone to each new strain of covid, perpetuating a society that is profoundly hostile to disabled people and careless with everyone's life and health. this fucking sucks. it sucked that we have treated the flu like this for years, and it sucks that we are now doing it with a virus that we are still relatively immunologically naïve to, and that produces, statistically, even more death and disability than the flu. and it sucks that the predominating explanations of this state of affairs from the 'cautious' emphasise not the structural forces that shape knowledge production under capitalism, but instead invoke a psychological narrative whereby individuals simply need to be sufficiently terrified into producing mass action.

Avatar
Avatar

i hate how people took ““you can’t use mental illness as an excuse”” lol and twisted it into anyone showing any signs of mental illness as them wanting an excuse. i’ve seen people mocked for ““making excuses”” and looking for attention for displaying suicidal tendencies/self harming after being Actively Harassed when that’s a very obvious trigger for those things. i’ve seen people phrase things wrong, apologise and say they struggle to phrase things due to their disorder, and then get treated like they’re a vile person who clearly meant everything as they said trying to throw mentally ill people under the bus. i KNOW if I talked about how my intrusive thoughts spiralled after MY harassment i’d be told i’m using intrusive thoughts as an excuse and I clearly actually want them to be true, even though they make me wanna fucking kill my self (and me saying that would be seen as milking for sympathy points even though I don’t want sympathy it’s just a fact of my mental illness) and i’d be harassed more for “trying to make excuses” aka being mentally ill and not perfectly masking it.

it’s vile fucking ableism couched in progressive seeming language and I hate it.

Avatar

A lot of sentiments I see online about "just standing up for yourself" fall apart when considering that a common consequence of "standing up for yourself" is losing a key part of your current support network. It's hard to tell someone to stop being transphobic to you when you carpool with them to work, and it'll get a lot more expensive without them. Can your budget tolerate that cost, or is it the expense that stretches you too far? It's hard to tell someone that they need to be more polite to you when they're the one who helps walk you through legalese. Can you find someone else to do it for you, or are you left floundering? It's hard to tell someone to stop being sexist to you when they're the one writing your reference letter. Do you have someone else who can be your reference, or are they the only one whose letter would be accepted?

In order to be able to stand up for yourself, you need to be able to bear the potential consequence of that person leaving. You need to either have redundancy in your network, or be able to pay for what they did for you. Safety is about more than if someone will hit you.

Avatar

your comics are lovely because so much of the discussion around certain ocd obsessions (on the internet and elsewhere) seem so fucking unnuanced, lol

Idk. Sorry if this is intrusive. But yeah I also struggle with scrupulosity+ harm ocd and I sometimes get really fed up with people insisting on simple answers (if you’re doubting it you’re probably a good person/ just live with the uncertainty) without recognizing that sometimes you *have* to have a method of at least estimating your impact on other people and if your brain is hell bent on confusing your capacity to notice actual impact with its bizarre overestimations it can make living on the world really hard, lol

I guess with time I’ve managed to find ways that make sense to me to simultaneously keep myself with some kind of moral framework while also not being too rigid and accepting partial uncertainty, but I feel like philosophy and talking with friends who *don’t* know the Correct Advice For People With OCD helped me a lot more than standard psychiatric advice, lol

Anyway. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Extremely relatable and funny

Also, imho, adding complexity to perspectives tends to be better to the world than subtracting it, lol

Avatar

God yeah I do Not find most OCD support or advice helpful or relatable. I know several people who’ve had really good experiences with ERP therapy but my therapist and I found it nearly impossible to come up with socially and psychologically safe ways to start exposure response prevention. She had me write “I am committing micro-aggressions” on a card—I still joke about it.

Obviously I’m glad that some people are helped by the simplistic stuff. I just find it frustrating when people expect them to also help me reason with obsessions and compulsions that are inherently politicized or interpersonal. A lot of people are upset by racism but still do or believe or say racist things! People apply compassion and empathy towards societal evils all the time! I have acted on impulses I regret before!

Avatar
Avatar

for ages i thought i didnt like drag because of internalized homophobia but it turned out i just don't like bright lights and loud music and really visually complicated things

spd is homophobic i guess is what im saying

real talk tho this is a good example of how some things just can't be made universally accessible. they are never going to make a quiet reserved drag show with few bright colors that i can enjoy. that goes against like...the entire point of drag and the celebrating of taking up space that a lot of gay events are.

and that's okay! i wouldn't want them to! i just need to find other things that make me feel happy and at home and part of the community. different needs require different solutions, and sometimes a thing just isn't for you.

I'm pretty sure it *is* possible to make sensory accessible drag shows, and drag performance has been around for longer than lights and music like that. It's just that that kind of drag shows also has the right to exist.

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.
mouthporn.net