EXTREME RECTAL BLEEDING

small mini hot dogs are you fucking kidding me?

Surrounded in little fucking mini hot dog buns??? Leave.

is this about pigs in a blanket or sausage biscuits?

I dont know what country you come from, but here in America, we call them small little hot dogs are you fucking kidding me? Surrounded in little fucking mini hot dog buns???? Leave.

Idk what part of America you come from but here in Idaho we call them pigs in a blanket

I come from every part of America combined, so believe me when I say that all Americans everywhere call it small little hot dogs are you fucking kidding me? Surrounded in little fucking mini hot dog buns????

Everyone taking this post even remotely seriously must relearn everything they were taught in school before I’ll accept you again as a functioning person.

idk man ive been tryin this ‘twitter’ thing for a while now but it universally feels like unadulterated brain poison… i think the tendency to tie your twitter presence to your real identity and the ability to become verified mean that there is a critical mass of attractive people trying to become standup comics with irreverent tweets about dating apps and overprivileged brooklynite media people trying to build up clout. everyone is either trying to get a Netflix deal or trying to reply guy for liberal politicians hard enough that they can get noticed for it. even the tumblr adjacent hot takes people all seem to be doing it to build up clout with their local DSA chapter. not like here where people have god awful takes on everything just for the sheer pleasure of it, just for the art 

every single popular tweet has an attached “damn this blowed up check out my soundcloud / send me money on cashapp” reply at the bottom and it just reminds me that nobody is posting for the simple pleasure of posting anymore and everything is a transaction under capitalism

3/7/18

this is a call out post for my little trash man who wont let me go anywhere

just in case anyone wanted to see him in action

me starting a text post

this is the worst image i’ve ever seen

The last thing you wããnt in your tumblr dashboard is another Loss joke…but as it turns out, that might be what you gãæt

Client: I threw out that black pen, it was out of ink.

Me: What black pen?

Client: The one that was lying on your tablet.

Me: You threw out my $150 Wacom pen?

Client: I tried writing with it and it didn’t work. It must’ve been out of ink.

this almost made me cry

this is simultaenously the best and worst submission i’ve ever seen from Clients from Hell.

I feel ill

biggest hetero lie i’ve been told: fighting is a part of a healthy romantic relationship

Disagreements are a part of every healthy relationship. Having bad days when you’re not your best self is a part of every healthy relationship. Fighting, disrespect, and insults? Those are not healthy at all. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^ the fact that some people don’t get this is staggering.

the part in a JRPG where u sneak onto a pirate ship but get caught and have to break out of jail

me n the girls walkin into target headed straight to the clearance bread rack

jerrod how long did it take you to photoshop all that bread

Did it the lazy easy way: 

It may be less than stellar, but I have a strict personal rule: “don’t put longer than 30 minutes’ effort into a fetish joke”. The second you hit 30:01, the exposure becomes lethal and the fetish becomes unironic.

FETISH?????????

god i wish i were you

Whitch part is the fetish? Bread or Pokémon?

I’m so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but it’s the bread

Dear Christ, I looked into it and I regret every second of it.