My Angel (Part Two)
➬ Reiner Braun x Fem reader
Summary : Reiner was always taught that the devils of Paradis were vicious creatures, but what is he supposed to do when he soon finds himself reluctantly falling for one? Or when he is forced to go back to Marley and leave her altogether?
Word count : around 5, 200 words
Warnings : Again, very angsty. Reiner feels guilty about what he’s done, reader is angry with him. Crying, mentions of heartbreak. Spoilers for season 4 part one.
Author’s notes : reblogs are appreciated!! I appreciate all feedback on my writing so that I can know what you guys liked and what you think I should improve on😊
Disclaimer : this is a work of fiction and should in no way, shape, or form, be taken seriously.
Side Note : this fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog, is mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or steal my work.
There will in fact be a part three! While I was writing part two, it ended up becoming so long that I just decided to split it up. That’s why this chapter leaves off on a cliffhanger (and that’s also why it took me so long to post this one). But I thank you all for your patience. If anyone else wants to be tagged for part three then let me know in the comments! :)))
“Can I please ask where exactly we’re going?” Reiner questioned, his voice lacing with a hint of annoyance as Falco gripped his arm, anxiously pulling him towards the city’s back alleys.
“I told you it’s a surprise! A friend of yours wants to say hi before the show starts!” Falco explained, glancing backward at his superior with a cheerful smile as he continued to pull him in the opposite direction.
“Is that right?” Reiner spoke sarcastically, scoffing quietly to himself as he took in the boy’s words.
What was Falco really up to?
Surely the whole “a friend wants to say hi” explanation was made up; because Reiner Braun wasn’t exactly a man you would think of as having friends.
Sure, he was surrounded by people a lot of the time, and he even had allies with whom he got along pretty well with. But even so, Reiner knew he was nothing more than a comrade to them; nothing more than a vessel to wield the armored titan.
But that was okay, because they were nothing more than comrades to him.
With being born Eldian as well as being a warrior for Marley’s military force, Reiner Braun didn’t exactly have the time, luxury, or frankly, the mental strength to seek out any social interactions beyond strictly work-related ones.
Well, at least, not anymore.
He made that mistake once, and in doing so, it cost him the demolition of a poor woman’s heart; as well as his own.
In fear that opening up to another person again might cause that beating vessel in his chest to truly see itself past repair, Reiner Braun had decided to close himself off from others, refusing to repeat those tragic events of his past.
So, with that in mind, who exactly was this “person” that Falco was happily dragging him by the arm to see?
It couldn’t have been anyone he was genuinely close with; there wasn’t anyone like that for him, not anymore at least. Any authentic connections he once had with people were now severed, collapsed by the calamity he caused back on that forsaken island.
So who on earth was he being forced to see?
“It’s just in here!” Falco said excitedly, his finger pointing toward a wooden door as they rounded the corner; one that lead to a basement stationed under an older apartment complex.
From the outside, the place looked dim and run down, its location secluded to a quiet and unfrequented street.
The very sight had Reiner scratching his head in confusion. Of all places, why here? Why pick such an isolated area to meet with him? Not only that, but why would this person send a naive little boy to escort him to this place instead of just contacting Reiner directly?
Was this a trap he was walking into?
Like a flame set to brush, panic began spreading through Reiner’s veins. His free hand was gripped into a strained fist and his eyes darted in all directions, watching out for any surprise attacks.
If this really was a trap, if someone was anticipating charging at him, then he’d be ready for it.
Suddenly, the wooden door opened. Loud groans from the beat-down hinges filled the air, followed by the sound of footsteps; footsteps that belonged to a dark, hooded figure.
Reiner’s eyes widened at the scene before him, an eerie feeling twisting in his stomach as he watched the mysterious person walk out the door; heading in his direction.
Whoever it was, he thought about fighting them off, even going as far as raising both his hands in the air to assume a defensive stance.
However, that’s when he caught a glimpse of Falco next to him. The little boy had started to head towards the figure, almost as if he was acquainted with the human; if it even was human.
“Falco wait!” Reiner quickly followed in the boy’s footsteps, gripping his arm before he could walk any closer to the person. “We should leave.” He suggested, anxiously tugging on the boy’s limb in hopes to urge him back in the opposite direction.
“It’s okay Mr. Braun,” Falco smiled, quick to reassure his superior. “This is where he said to meet him.”
Who’s he? Was it that person lurking around with the cloak draped across their face? Or was there someone inside as well?
Reiner didn’t have any answers, nor did he have a definite resolve on how to react in this situation. Should he trust Falco’s judgment and allow this “meetup” to happen? Or should he grab the boy and run while he still had the chance?
The latter seemed like the best option, especially considering the fact that Falco was just a child, and therefore could’ve easily been manipulated into something dangerous.
He wanted to trust Falco’s words, but it was too risky. If something happened, the boy’s blood would be on Reiner’s hands; and he couldn’t bear the weight of any more sorrow, or any more guilt.
“We’re leaving, Falco!” Reiner insisted, readjusting his grip on the boy’s arm to forcefully pull him away from the situation.
Although, just as he’d turned around to take those first few steps, he heard something that made his body freeze, and his heart clench.
“If you’re done arguing you can go on ahead. He’s waiting for you inside.”
That voice. Reiner knew that voice.
It was the same one he used to hear nagging at him to wake up in the early mornings. The same voice that used to comfort him whenever he was feeling disheartened.
It was… the same voice he never thought he’d have the pleasure of hearing ever again…
All he received was one simple sentence, but that was all the verification he needed. There was no doubt in his mind, the voice he heard: belonged to you.
“Y/n?!” His body immediately turned around to face the hooded figure. His eyes then squinted, trying to see more than just the gentle silhouette of a pair of lips and a jawline that was exposed by the moonlight’s glow.
The figure froze at his words, saying nothing in response; almost as if they didn’t anticipate being recognized.
“Y/n, is that you?” Reiner asked again, hoping to earn a response this time.
However, there was none; at least, not a verbal one.
All he gained was a sudden flinch that occurred once he spoke that name a second time, followed by the subtle shaking of fingertips that poked out from the sleeves of the cloak.
You must’ve been scared, embarrassed; perhaps even both.
And who would blame you for it? The last time you saw him he had slaughtered more than half of your comrades. Who knows what he’s capable of now after four years have passed?
“Falco?” Reiner finally broke the silence, glancing down at the boy he was still holding on to. “Why don’t you go on inside, I’ll be with you in a minute.”
However, before the boy could open his mouth to speak, he was quickly interrupted. “There’s no reason for him to leave! I’m not staying to chat.” A stern voice echoed past the cloak covering your face, but that didn’t phase Reiner.
He knew it was you from the moment that first syllable left your lips, even more so now that you’d spoken a second time.
Your tone was serious, added with a hint of aggression in order to scare him off, but he wouldn’t be turned away by that. Not when this was the chance he’d been silently praying for ever since he left that island four years ago. The chance to finally see you once again, even for just a moment.
Now that this chance was finally here, standing in front of him, there was no way he’d let it slip away; regardless of the tone you used with him.
“Just a few minutes?!” He insisted, taking a few steps forward in case you were preparing to run away. “Please?” He asked in a much quieter tone, his eyes practically begging for you to give in, to grant him even the smallest portion of your time.
Even after all these years he still knew how to persuade you, didn’t he? He must’ve, otherwise, your mouth would’ve never opened to let out a frustrated “Five minutes and that’s it!”
Reiner’s shoulders quickly relaxed at your words. His head then turned towards Falco subsequently, giving him a quick nod of his head: which apparently was his signal to “get going.”
Falco’s gaze switched between Reiner and the person he was apparently dying to speak to. The boy was unsure of what was going on, or who that unidentified person even was, but nevertheless, Falco knew better than to argue with his superior; so he’d comply with the orders given to him.
“S-sure…I’ll just, be inside then…” Falco spoke hesitantly, slowly backing away to walk toward the wooden door. He stopped momentarily after placing his fingers on the handle, almost as if he was waiting for Reiner to change his mind. But after receiving no signs of a change of heart, Falco reluctantly opened the door and stepped inside; closing it behind him.
The moment that wooden door shut, an unpleasant silence filled the air. Instead of partaking in the “conversation” you were supposed to have, the two of you just stood in silence.
You didn’t dare speak up. Reiner was the one who made you stay after all, if anyone should be the first to start this conversation it was him.
Your eyes were fixated on him with a calloused glare, your lips refusing to part even the slightest bit.
Reiner on the other hand, wore an expression more timid and anxious than yours.
He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, fingers fidgeting with each other as he contemplated the best way to start this conversation.
“I uh…” He tried to speak, but the words fumbled in his mouth, leaving just as quickly as they came.
It’s ironic, just a moment ago he was begging for you to stay so that he could have the chance to talk to you, but now that his chance had finally arrived, he couldn’t think of anything to say.
As he stood there, overanalyzing a potential response, he noticed the way you scoffed, clearly annoyed at his delay in response.
You were growing impatient with him, and if he didn’t take the opportunity to speak with you now, you’d most likely never allow him another chance to waste your time again.
So, after what had seemed like hours of silence, when in reality was more like 1 minute, Reiner finally spoke up.
“Can you take off the hood?”
Your eyes quickly narrowed in confusion at his odd request. Out of everything he could’ve asked, everything he could’ve apologized for, this is the first thing he says?
“Why?” You questioned, still unsure of his intentions on the matter.
“I just…” He began, but his words quickly started to fade out, almost as if he felt unworthy to be asking in the first place.
Nevertheless, you were persistent.
“You just what?!” You snapped, frustrated at his apparent dedication to withhold information from you; a recurring dedication at that.
“I just…” he inhaled shakily before speaking, “I want to see your face.”
You paused at his words, taking a moment to process what he’d just said. After expecting something pitiful, or perhaps even bitter coming from him, it was quite a shock to receive this: a fairly tender request.
He wanted to see your face? Why? What difference would that make?
It’d be the same one he saw four years ago, nothing’s changed; at least, not to you.
Despite asking for something which would require him to look upwards, Reiner kept his eyes glued to the ground, as if he felt undeserving to see you again. It wasn’t until he heard the heavy sigh that jerked past your lips, along with the quiet “fine” you gave in response to his request that made him finally look up.
As his gaze lifted, watching you pull that gloomy hood off your head, Reiner was met with a flashback of memories.
It all reappeared in an instant: the sound of your adorable laugh, the way your hair looked when the sun glistened across it, even the small little habits he’d discovered about you as time went by; they were all coming back, recollecting in his mind clearer than if it all happened a day ago.
Reminding him, painfully, of a time when things were simpler, when he was happier, and, most regretfully, a time when he had you.
Pulling off that hood allowed him to finally lay eyes upon a face he hadn’t seen in ages. A face he used to watch soundly sleeping next to him at night, placing gentle kisses all over when no one was around.
It was the same face he used to stare at in fascination; taken back by the beautiful way your lips would curve upwards into a smile, or even the way your eyes radiated the most alluring shade of color when the sun shone across your skin.
That face was one he had desperately longed to observe once more for the entirety of four long years, and coincidentally, it was the same face that now stared him down with an irritated glare.
Absent was the sparkle your eyes once held for the man standing before you, and gone was the loving countenance you were never hesitant to grant him.
Now your face lay still, your features refusing to move even the smallest bit in case it were to form some sort of pleasant expression towards him accidentally.
If not for the fact that he had easily identified her face, Reiner wouldn’t have recognized her.
Where was the kind and loving woman he fell in love with? Was she not the one standing before him now?
No, this woman was different. This one seemed to hold an inkling of abhorrence towards him, easily provoked by just his presence alone.
Was this… the product of his own making?
Was this… what he’d turned you into?
As if he wasn’t tormented enough by his decision, now he was witnessing the consequences of his actions unfold before his very eyes.
“How.. how are you here?” Reiner stuttered, still in shock over the fact that you were actually standing there; that for whatever reason, his prayers to see you again had finally been answered.
“I’m only here in service of a friend; nothing else.”
Your response was so vague, so cold; nothing like the endearing way you used to speak to him.
“It doesn’t matter,” You replied forbiddingly. Your tone sounded so distant, so unfriendly towards him.
To think, the last time he heard your voice, it had told him “Goodnight, I love you.” But now that voice was harsh as it spoke, probably regretful of saying those very words after waking up to find out he’d abandoned you that next morning.
The difference in your tone was beginning to eat away at Reiner, straining that beating vessel in his chest more and more with each look of your indignant expression. As if you’d just picked up a shovel and started digging, deepening his guilt further than it already was; if that was even possible.
“Your minutes are up by the way, and I have to leave.” You suddenly spoke, hoping your statement was bleak enough to end the conversation, meaning you could finally leave; finally be free of him.
“Wait!” Just before you could escape, Reiner quickly reached forward and grabbed your wrist, clinging to it as if his life was hinging on it. “Wait please, don’t leave…”
“That’s rich coming from you.”
He deserved that. Honestly, he deserved more than that.
Call him whatever names you could think of, and he would let you, he’d allow every single one of them, no matter how excruciating, because he knew they were true; because deep down he knew he deserved them.
“I’m not interested in what you have to say, Reiner.” Your words were like knives to his heart, causing the already aching organ to shudder yet again. “Whatever it is you should’ve said it four years ago.”
If he really did explain it to you before he left, would things be different now? Would you have understood his situation? Understood why he had to do it?
“Please,” he implored, desperately maintaining that grip on your wrist. “Please, just let me explain it to you.”
It was pathetic, how he was begging like this, pleading for you to stay and hear him out as if he wasn’t the one that left you in the first place.
“Nothing you say will change what happened.”
He knew that was true, but in spite of that, he still refused to let you go again without telling you, without apologizing at the very least.
“I know,” he admitted, a glossy haze shimmering in his eyes as he looked at you. “But please, I want you to know the truth.”
A part of you wanted to leave, to deny him any further chances to cause you more pain with an explanation. However, another part of you wanted an apology. You wanted to hear his side of the story; to hear whatever excuse he had for abandoning you. No matter how twisted, or pitiful, his reasoning was, you couldn’t deny you had questions you wanted him to answer.
“Fine then. Tell me.” You quickly adjusted your posture, staring at him with your eyebrows raised; a gesture he remembered you only used when you were serious about something.
Here it was, the moment he had been waiting for since this conflict arose: his chance to finally be understood, to be seen as more than just the traitor he was made out to be.
“I was given orders,” he started, retracting his hand from your wrist now that you’d clearly abandoned the option to run. “I had no choice but to follow them.”
“And what were your orders?” Your voice sounded heavy, almost as if it was hurting to bring all this back up again; like a wound that was still fresh, still desperately trying to heal itself.
Reiner’s mouth remained shut, his head lowering as he closed his eyes, not wanting to answer your question. He knew he’d be made to look like the villain no matter what he said, no matter which way he worded it.
Did that mean he really was the villain?
Perhaps you’d never accept his side of the story, never be able to see past the wretched sins he’d carried out. But regardless, even if he never got the forgiveness he so desperately wanted from you, he couldn’t hide from the truth any longer. It was time to embrace it, all of it.
“They told us to sneak in and make allies first, that way we had the people’s trust and no one would suspect us.” He sighed, his eyes refusing to look up at you in fear of the face you’d make upon hearing his confession. “Once the time came, we were ordered to steal the founding titan by whatever means necessary. And if anyone tried to stop us, we had permission to silence them, using whatever tactics we deemed fit.”
Reiner’s heart felt tight as he let those words out, his shame growing stronger now that he was remembering it all, remembering what he’d done.
How did things end up like this?
He was just trying to do what he was trained to do: save the world from ruin; that’s all. But here he was now, that mission an embarrassing failure as he reminisced on his actions; the same actions that caused such sorrow for so many people, including himself.
And as if things weren’t bad enough, as if Reiner wasn’t feeling guilty already, he heard a sudden change in your breathing that could only mean one thing: you were beginning to cry.
“No, wait!” His head quickly lifted to look at you, instantly regretting it as your distressed face came into view. “Please, don’t cry.” He begged, using his thumb to wipe away the liquid collecting on your skin; which you surprisingly allowed him to do without putting up a fight.
“Don’t cry, okay? Not for me.” He demanded, despite his own eyes welling up with tears as well.
He just couldn’t bear it, knowing he was hurting you yet again.
It was almost as if nothing had changed, even after all those years. As if he was reliving those horrors of his past once more, reliving that anguish he saw imprinted across your visage when you found out he was the armored titan; the same armored titan that had killed so many of your friends.
You didn’t understand it, even now.
Was the man who used to dote on you really the same person as the one who carried out such violence and hatred against your people?
How could that be true? How could he have done such a thing, committed such betrayal against the woman he loved?
What changed? Was it something you did?
Or perhaps a more gut-wrenching explanation: he never loved you to begin with. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to give you up, maybe, this was his plan all along.
“What else?” You asked, your voice trembling in the process.
Reiner’s face quickly scrunched in confusion, unsure of what you were getting at. “What do you mean?”
“Were those your only orders?” Tears quickly began trickling down your face faster than Reiner could stop, your gaze looking more despondent than ever. “Was there really not anything else?” Your lips parted to let out a stinging sob, one that seemed like it’d been held in for too long.
It was obvious you were waiting for some sort of answer from him, and every second he delayed with a response was only tormenting you further.
But, even so, it didn’t change the fact that Reiner didn’t understand what you were asking of him; or what you wanted to hear so badly.
Your eyes stared at him in sorrow, more tears absorbing into your skin before you asked your question one last time; phrasing it differently now.
“Was falling in love with me a part of your mission too? Was I just another means to accomplish your end goal?”
Reiner’s heart convulsed at your words, his mouth agape to let out a pained gasp.
Did he just hear that right?
A tool?! Is that really what you thought? Is that really all you assumed you were worth to him?
As if you could ever be such a thing.
Granted, he understood how you may have assumed that, given the matter of his betrayal and all. But, despite that, he never expected such an absurd accusation.
There was a wide range of names you could’ve called him: a traitor, a liar, a monster; anything, and he would’ve accepted it; He would’ve owned up to it.
But this: questioning whether or not his affection towards you was genuine; that was one accusation he’d never admit to.
You were never a tool, you weren’t even a part of his plan to begin with. Falling in love with a woman of Paradis wasn’t exactly one of the orders he received when he was assigned to that mission. In fact, getting involved with you went against the sole purpose of him being there; the sole purpose of his assignment.
He was sent there to exterminate the Eldian race, to wipe out every last one of those despicable beings so that the world could finally be safe.
Falling in love wasn’t an order laid out in his job description at all, much less with a woman of Paradis. And yet, he did.
Reiner was a strategic man, he wasn’t one to easily abandon orders, no matter how difficult they may be. That in itself should’ve been enough to prove his affection toward you; because he never would’ve done such a thing had he not felt it was worth it, had he not felt you were worth it.
Nevertheless, here you were, teeth gritted in frustration as you impatiently awaited his answer.
Your face spoke only of torment, and it pained Reiner to have to witness it. The way your eyes were slanting together in an unsuccessful attempt to subdue your tears, your fingers curling into fists to help better contain your irritation, all of it was a clear sign of the repercussions his decision to abandon the woman he loved had caused.
It was just like the last time, you were falling to pieces over him once more, and Reiner couldn’t stand the sight of it.
Your gentle cries may not have been as loud and mournful as they were four years ago, but it didn’t matter; the fact that you were even crying in the first place was enough to make that twisting sensation return to his stomach; possibly becoming permanent at this rate.
Reiner stretched his arm out to grasp your hand, hoping to console you, however, you quickly backed away, refusing to let him touch you.
“I don’t want your pity!” you spat, your fragile body trembling from both the anger and suffering fueling inside. “I just want the truth! Did you ever love me?”
Was that even a question?
Yes, he was fully aware that it would’ve been hard to believe the authenticity of someone who’d abandoned you; someone who so easily decided to turn against you, as if doing so didn’t phase them in the slightest.
But regardless, ignoring the heinous crimes he’d committed, did you still believe he never loved you?
Were his actions before this messy conflict never enough to convince you of his sentiments?
What about all the times he’d hold you in his arms, whispering to you about how happy you made him feel? Did you really not believe any of that? Was he pouring out his heart’s inner-most secrets for nothing?
Or what about the times he’d surprise you with food, despite rations being low? He almost got caught stealing food for you so many times; which was unwise of him considering the fact that it could’ve possibly had him kicked out of the survey corps: meaning his whole plan to infiltrate the military would’ve gone up in flames.
Or, perhaps how he’d always try to keep an eye on you during missions, making sure you never encountered something too dangerous for you to handle. You always complained that he was being too paranoid, but it was only because, unlike you, he was aware of the kind of power titans held; the kind of pain they could’ve, he could’ve, inflicted upon a tiny human being.
All he ever wanted was to protect you, to do what was best for you. Did you really never realize that?
Even after he made Annie and Bertholdt promise not to lay a hand on you during their countless fights with the survey corps, even after all the times he put your saftey before his own mission, was it still never enough?
Even when he left you behind, did you really never consider the fact that he could’ve been doing it because he thought it’s what’s best for you?
You would’ve never been safe with someone like him, so he spared you from that danger by leaving.
Even though he caused you much pain by doing so, did you still never put that together?
“I understand if you don’t believe me when I say this,” Reiner began, “But I never stopped loving you.”
Even before any words left your lips, the doubtful look stringing along your face was enough to tell Reiner that you didn’t believe him; or were highly skeptical at the very least.
“If that’s true, then why wasn’t that enough for you to stay?”
He’d asked himself the same question so many times before. Why didn’t he just give up on his mission and stay with you? It’s not like he wouldn’t have preferred that option in comparison to the one he chose.
Why didn’t he just let the Marleyans presume him dead, forgetting his life in Marley and starting a new one with you on Paradis?
He wanted to, he considered it even. But there was one factor he was forgetting that made all the difference; one tiny reminder that convinced him to abandon that option in the end: you deserved better.
If he stayed behind like you would’ve wanted him to, like he would’ve wanted to, then he would’ve been living a lie; deception would’ve been rooted at the heart of your relationship.
He would’ve never been able to fully open up to you because doing so would mean he told you the truth about his past, about where he’s from and why he came here in the first place. He’d have to fabricate every detail about his life up until this point; tricking you into believing he was born inside the walls just like you. He’d need to have an excuse for everything: why his parents weren’t around, where he was born, what his home life was like, everything.
Nothing about his life would be real anymore, from the moment he’d wake up, to the second he drifted off to sleep at night, he’d be living a lie.
Every time he’d look at your innocent expression he’d be reminded of the secrets he was keeping from you, the lies he was tricking you with; and he couldn’t live like that. He refused to live like that.
“Staying would’ve only put you in danger, so I left, taking the danger with me.”
“I see.” Your voice was strained, as if you were having trouble processing everything. The shock from seeing him again so unexpectedly still hadn’t exactly worn off yet, and with the addition of all this new information piled on top, you didn’t necessarily know what to say; or how to react.
So, instead, you remained silent, hoping some ideas might materialize inside your head as you waited.
However, you weren’t kept waiting for long because Reiner quickly took an initiative to speak once again, asking something that left you stunned,
“Is it okay if I kiss you?”
Your head quickly flung upwards to look at him, contemplating whether or not you heard him right.
“What??” You asked, aghastly, desperately hoping you misheard his question.
“Is it okay if I kiss you?” He repeated, unfortunately proving that your ears were working just fine, and that you did in fact hear him correctly the first time.
He only meant it as a farewell, nothing more.
He knew this might very well be the last time he ever saw you again, so, with that in mind, he wanted to leave you with something pleasant to remember him by.
He had every intention of letting you go, he’d walk away and you’d never have to see him again afterward.
Just one last memory with you, that’s all he wanted. One last moment to reminisce on the merriment of his past before he let you go for good.
That’s what he wanted at least, but, when you finally uttered a response, he realized it might’ve been too much to ask for.
“I’m with someone else now, Reiner.”
(YES THERE WILL BE A PART THREE. So comment below if you want to be tagged).
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