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Someone Like Me

@dragon-rider-baby

Female | Married | Mother | Interests include: Constructing Steampunk furniture and home accessories | Woodworking | Artistic Crafts | Jewelry Making | Good Books | Romance | Fantasy | Cooking | Antiques | Old Houses and Barns | History and Museums | And, of course: DRAGONS! I'm here to have fun, follow my interests, learn something, be amused, be enlightened, be entertained, be stimulated, and to try to engage with friendly, open people of any age who share my interests. I hope to find people kind of like me! I love God, my husband, my son, my dog, my country, my state, quiet country living, dragons, forests, big trees, Fall colors, Fall weather, being outdoors, books, Christmas, Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Independence Day, and decorating for all holidays and seasons, making things with my hands, gardening, beauty of all kinds, and engaging with calm, kind people, and sharing information, recipes, projects, interests, etc. I'm not here to promote or argue politics or religion, or other divisive or controversial topics. I seek artful depictions, images, and writings that are evocative or moving to me. I will block any who can't play nice. Be nice, and we can be friends and have fun! That's all I'm looking for!😊
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How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

😂😂😂

My husband practiced criminal law for 30 years as a prosecutor. His stories are numerous and hilarious.

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Anonymous asked:

Hello! This is Brent from Walking Through the Stargate! Google ratted you out regarding your listening to our little project. When I read that you were interested (but not able) to run a podcast about Stargate and Archaeology, I said to myself, "THAT IS A BRILLIANT IDEA!" So I have a question! Would you be willing to engage with us on this idea? Minimally: discussion topics. Maximally: recorded conversation! Drop us an email if you're interested!

oh shit what have I gotten myself into???

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So ... uh ... I guess that’s happening.

I am going to be a special guest on The Other Side of the Gate #6! Recording this Friday, release date TBD.

Yep. I told you that you needed to follow a dream!! Congrats!

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