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DORKTHROPOLOGY

@dorkthropology / dorkthropology.tumblr.com

Eli Grey
Writer, Anthropologist, Dork
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For your enjoyment: Very Bad™ scientific illustrations from Getreue Abbildungen Naturhistorischer Gegenstände (Faithful Illustrations of Natural History Objects) 1795-1807 by Johann Matthäus Bechstein
1. Hippopotamus (that doesn’t seem right) 2. Lion (yikes) 3. Barbary Falcon (5x the size of a sheep?) 4. Blue Whale (very happy on a rock) 5. Sperm Whale (very unhappy on a rock) 6. Elephant (lumpy variety) 7. Leopard (I guess) 8. Puffin (nightmare version) 9. Raccoon (a very special boy) 10. Armadillo (with hooves)
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glumshoe

Art forgery is the best crime tbh. It requires absolutely incredible artistic talent, technical skill, and attention to detail to make convincing fakes. Does anyone get hurt from it? No! The only people who suffer for it are the extremely wealthy who want the prestige of having original paintings in their own homes. It’s full of international intrigue and mystery. Perfect.

Also… art forgers like van Meegeren sometimes become a kind of folk hero. A swindler, sure, but a gentleman’s swindler.

I liked this guy’s story, Mark Landis, who conned several dozen museums into displaying his forgeries, but when the FBI came after him they couldn’t do anything because he had always given them away as donations. They said if they could have found that he’d ever taken anything in exchange they would have prosecuted him, but all he wanted was get to out of the house and meet people.

“The first painting Landis “donated” was a copy of a work by Maynard Dixon, an artist well-known for his paintings of cowboys and Indians. It started as impulse, Landis says, but then “everybody was just so nice and treated me with respect and deference and friendship, things I was very unused to — I mean, actually not used to at all. And I got addicted to it.”” And it looks like all his forgeries are done with cheap materials, like markers and Hobby Lobby frames.

Ok, but Wolfgang Beltracchi is probably one of the best Fraud Artists in the world.

His career brought him millions upon millions of dollars and lasted almost 40 years. He finally admitted to painting fraudulent art after the white paint he used came under scrutiny. 

Bob Simon: What do you think this Max Ernst would be worth? Wolfgang Beltracchi: This one? Simon: Yeah. Beltracchi: $5 million, I think. Simon: $5 million.  And you can do it in three days? Beltracchi: Yeah, oh yes, yes, sure, or quicker” -From a 60 minutes interview with Bob Simon

In The interview with Beltracchi, he said that none of his forgeries are copies, they’re all original works that the famous artists could have painted.

“Beltracchi estimates he has done 25 Max Ernsts. He is not copying an existing work. He’s painting something he thinks Ernst might have done if he’d had the time or felt like it.”  -  The Con Artist: A multi-million dollar art scam

His wife was also in on the scam, she would dress up in old clothing and take pictures holding the paintings with old cameras to fake proof of the paintings’ ages.

At the end of the interview with Wolfgang Beltracchi he was asked if he felt he had done anything wrong, his answer was “ Yeah, I used the wrong kind of paint”

Just … the levels of con there, the fake photos and … wow. That’s incredible. 

Heroes

Also fun fact we learned in class today: Michelangelo carved a sculpture of a Roman god, broke off the arm, and then buried it. The sculpture was dug up and was considered to be an authentic Roman artefact, until Michelangelo came along with the missing arm and called shenanigans on himself, just to prove he was as skilled a sculptor as the ancient Romans.

If somebody can recreate a master artist so well it’s nearly impossible to tell the works apart, the forger should get more fucking credit for being so amazing at art. Seriously.

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reblogged

Crows are scary They

  • use tools
  • Can be taught to speak (like parrots)
  • Have huge brains for birds
  • like seriously their brain-to-body size ratio is equal to that of a chimpanzee
  • They vocalize anger, sadness, or happiness in response to things
  • they are scary smart at solving puzzles
  • some crows stay with their mates until one of them dies
  • they can remember faces
  • SIDENOTE HERE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT.  They did an experiment where these guys wore masks and some of them fucked with crows.  Pretty soon the crows recognized the masks = douchebag.  But the nice guys with masks they left alone.  THEN, OH WE’RE NOT DONE, NO SIR crows that WEREN’T EVEN IN THE EXPERIMENT AND NEVER SAW THE MASK BEFORE knew about mask-dudes and attacked them on sight.  THEY PASSED ON THE FUCKING INFORMATION TO THEIR CROW BUDDIES.
  • They remember places where crows were killed by farmers and change their migration patterns.

Guys I’m really scared of crows now. (q

Yeah but have you seen this 

A colleague of my dad’s lives next to a lake, and looked out the window one morning to see a duck trapped in the ice. A crow swooped down. “Oh hell,” she thought, expecting carnage, because crows are opportunists. But the crow chipped at the ice with its beak until the duck was free.

Idk of this counts but a few crows saved me from a magpie swooping attack once ,they’re bros who can tell when magpies are being unreasonable and need to chill

I love crows so damn much. When I was fifteen, I hit a pretty serious bout of depression, to the point I was in my room for months. Well, a family of crows made a nest in a tree outside my window. There were two parents and two chicks. One chick was healthy and strong. One was weak, and had a caw like something being strained. It sounded more like a rooster crowing and so my parents jokingly named him ‘Buck’.Well… months passed and Buck’s sibling was taught to fly. His parents focused on the sibling because the sibling was strong. The father stayed behind to try and teach Buck, but I saw him try to fly, fail, and crash to the floor. His father helped him back up into the tree.

Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before.

That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him. 

Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree. 

That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick.

Cut to ten years later? We have a family of crows who all have a very distinct caw and they come here and spend every spring, summer, and fall on our property. Buck still greets me every spring.

that last reply made me wanna cry. that’s so beautiful.

Don’t forget the Russian Crow SLEDDING DOWN A ROOF not once, but twice. 

this one morning i kept hearing really loud caws, i remember it was like 5am, LIKE REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING AND AGGRESSIVE, so loud that i could hear it through a closed window, and i eventually went outside to check it out. there was a crow on my front lawn, it had an injury on its head and couldn’t fly and there were two other crows circling right above it, and they were cawing like mad. 

i tried to get close and take a better look and one of them dived super low and tried to attack me. so i went back in the house and chopped some sliced raw meat and tossed it at him from a distance.

a few more times later, very soon after, they could tell i was trying to help, and did not attack me. i was “allowed” to walk up close and pick him up, he couldn’t drink water properly so i had to dip my finger in a bowl and stick it in his mouth.

i did this few times a day and it went on for about a week before he disappeared, i thought he recovered and left, but he came back the next day and lands on me, and i see him around the block quite often, and he would come sit on my shoulder for a few minutes and then fly away again. i feel like i’ve adopted a son.

Best birbs !!

your son is Beautiful and Strong

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solitarelee

every time I see this post it has different crow stories and every time I reblog it again because all crow stories are good stories

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i had a dream about fucking… vampire discourse on tumblr like;

“reminder that blood sucker is a slur”

“vamp-born-vamps are valid if u got bitten later in life you’re not part of the vamp community” 

“support vamps who drink human blood, support vamps who drink animal blood, support vamps who drink animal and human blood”

“half bloods who are human presenting don’t belong in the community”

fantasy tumblr would be fucking insufferable

god can you even imagine

“If you only have two legs you’re human-passing and don’t belong in the fantasy community”

“What about satyrs?’

“You can wear shoes”

“Just a reminder that if you appropriate mermaid culture you’re a piece of shit”

“Actually we don’t mind because a lot of our culture comes from humans”

“Shapeshifters aren’t valid because they can be human if they want”

Oh my god it gets worse and worse

Listen Sweaty :) :) :) Bigfoots and Jersey Devils aren’t REAL mythfolk :) :) You r just confuused humans :)))

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

stop fetishizing incubi

ONLY 👏FAIRIES 👏CAN 👏MAKE 👏FAIRY 👏RINGS

Why the FUCK did no one tag me in this

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okamikodomo

Werewolves are still werewolves no matter what form they’re in. We don’t stop being werewolves when we’re in human form, we don’t stop being werewolves when we’re in wolf form. Stop werewolf erasure!

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glyndarling

Listen, I’ve been in a committed relationship with a selkie for over ten years.  I can tell you that whole hiding-the-pelt-thing is total bullshit.  If he wanted to leave he could, I am not holding him hostage.  Please, stop spreading this hurtful misinformation.

Support veelas who dance naked at the crossroads

Support veelas who seduce random townspeople

Support veelas who take shepherds as lovers

STOP SLUT SHAMING VEELAS!!!!!!!

friendly reminder that “ghost” is a term reserved for noncorporeals. if you’re semicorporeal you’re a poltergeist. stop calling poltergeists ghosts.

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z-nogyrop

destroy the idea that zombies “need” to eat brains

some zombies can’t eat brains due to physical conditions that make them too weak to gnaw through the skull

some zombies can’t digest them

some zombies just don’t like the taste

all of these zombies are STILL VALID

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sonnivate

DONT 👏 HOARD 👏 ITEMS 👏 UNLESS 👏 YOU 👏 A 👏 DRAGON

This post gets worse every time I see it

OhmyGOD

LET👏SHIFTERS👏INTO👏THE👏COMMUNITY👏👏👏👏 THIS INCLUDES ALL SHIFTERS!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

hydras with nine heads are just as valid as hydras with twenty

DONT👏WEAR👏FLOWER👏CROWNS👏UNLESS👏YOU👏ARE👏A👏WOODLAND👏CREATURE

ROBOTS. ARE. NOT. ALL. SERVICE. WORKERS.

STOP ASKING ROBOTS WHERE TO FIND THINGS IN SUPERMARKETS

stop calling demons evil just because they defied an oppressive system

demigods have a right to both halves of their heritage!

Repeat after me kids: Kelpies do. not. have to look like horses to still be Kelpies. Kelpies who take non-equine forms are JUST AS VALID as the Kelpies who take equine forms. Stop Kelpie purism and erasure.

Friendly reminder that Wendigos are possessed by cannibalistic spirits and can’t actually help their cravings.

Stop judging Wendigos for something they can’t control!

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reblogged
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archiemcphee

Because sometimes what you need most is a real-life muppet in the form of a fluffy Tawny Frogmouth chick. This little cotton ball with a beak and two legs hatched on August 31st at Vogelpark Olching, a bird park located outside of Munich, Germany. The chick is the very first Tawny Frogmouth to hatch at the park and has been aptly named… wait for it… Fluffy.

“Tawny Frogmouths are native to Australia and are named for their wide, frog-like mouths. They feed at night on moths, spiders, worms, beetles, scorpions, frogs, and reptiles. Their coloration and ability to sit motionless provide excellent camouflage, making the birds nearly impossible to detect as they perch in trees. To increase the effect, they often sit with the head tilted upward to mimic a broken tree branch. These birds are often mistaken for owls, but they are not closely related.”

Head over to ZooBorns to learn more these awesome birbs.

[via ZooBorns]

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archiemcphee

Landscape photographer Stephane Vetter captured the complete Total Solar Eclipse in Tiny Planet form from a beautiful spot at Magone Lake in Eastern Oregon. Vetter explained all the careful planning that went into creating this shot over at Astronomy Picture of the Day:

This featured little-planet, all-sky, double time-lapse, digitally-fused composite captured celestial action during both night and day from a single location. In this 360×180 panorama, north and south are at the image bottom and top, while east and west are at the left and right edges, respectively. During four hours the night before the eclipse, star trails were captured circling the north celestial pole (bottom) as the Earth spun. During the day of the total eclipse, the Sun was captured every fifteen minutes from sunrise to sunset (top), sometimes in partial eclipse. All of these images were then digitally merged onto a single image taken exactly during the total solar eclipse. Then, the Sun’s bright corona could be seen flaring around the dark new Moon (upper left), while Venus simultaneously became easily visible (top). The tree in the middle, below the camera, is a Douglas fir.

Visit Stephane Vetter’s website to check out more of his photographer.

[via Colossal]

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I want Terry Crews and Vin Diesel to do a buddy cop movie where they are both secret nerds but they don’t want the other to know. Like Vin Diesel plays D & D on weekends and Terry likes to create epic crossover fan art. Somehow they have to work undercover at Comic Con and for what ever reason I need Daniel Radcliffe to be the villain. 

I’d like to add: not a character played by Dan Radcliffe. Dan Radcliffe, appearing as himself.

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dragontatoes

no, no wait… I want Elijah Wood to play Daniel Radcliffe.

Elijah Wood plays Daniel Radcliffe and his evil sidekick is Elijah Wood played by Daniel Radcliffe

Rosario Dawson and Zoe Saldana are an secretly nerdy FBI duo who get dragged into the mess. Dawson resents Diesel because he was a bad DM and rules hound back when he introduced her to the game, Saldana ships a rival pairing of Crew’s big OTP and they’ve had flame wars through their alter egos. The teams have to learn to work through their nerd differences to solve the crime.

Sigourney Weaver is their boss, she keeps asking for updates so she can vicariously go to the con through them.

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oK But thisss

European raven

Turkish raven

North African raven

Himalayan raven

Western (American) raven

AUSTRALIAN RAVEN

look at it look at that weird birb it doesn’t know how to raven

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vintar

other ravens: caw caw

australian ravens: aUGH AUUuuuGH AAAAUUUUUUughhhhhHHHhhhhhhh

it genuinely didn’t occur to me that this was weird that i’d never heard a crow or raven caw in my life and frnakly the australian raven noise is the most common noise to me and it means “it’s the morning now”. i can’t imagine life without it. its background noise i didn’t even think to identify as coming from somewhere. it’s just There.

quoth the raven, “aUGH AUUuuuGH AAAAUUUUUUughhhhhHHHhhhhhhh”

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ayellowbirds

it sounds like a depressed kazoo.

Wait a minute… how do non-Australian ravens sound? Do they not sound like this?

That’s what the European one sounds like

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reblogged

Hooooly shit. According to this writer, Xfinity is falsely impersonating its customers in order to post anti-net neutrality comments on the FCC website.

Try to even it out by visiting gofccyourself.com and hitting +EXPRESS and leaving a pro-net neutrality comment.

Comcastroturf.com explains to the public that “someone has submitted nearly half a million anti-net neutrality comments to the FCC, many of which appear to be completely fake — using stolen names and addresses,” and gives anyone an opportunity to check if their name is being used without their knowledge. Today, Fight for the Future released a statement to announce that Comcast’s attorneys had sent them a cease and desist order that insists the group “take all steps necessary to see that the Domain Name [Comcastroturf.com] is assigned to Comcast.”

Oh

My name was on there and I’ve never been a comcast customer…. you better check for your name!

wow, I was on there too, and same here, never been a comcast customer in my life. check and make sure! this is so gross

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wilwheaton

SIGNAL FUCKING BOOST. Fuck Comcast.

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There’s a phrase, “sitzfleisch”, which means just plain sitting on your ass and getting it done. Just showing up for work. My uncle Raphael was a painter, and he used to say, “If the muse is late for work, start without her”. You have to be there. You have to be there, and do it, and grind it out, even when it is grinding and you know you’re probably going to rewrite all this tomorrow.

Peter S. Beagle (via fuckyeahcharacterdevelopment)

“If the muse is late for work, start without her.”

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