I'm never going to stop thinking about how May's murderer, who killed her in front of Peter only a few hours ago, was goading Peter into killing him, actively encouraging his violence, the Green Goblin wanted to revel in corrupting Spider-Man, and all it took was a Look for Peter to come back to himself and decide to save Norman instead, no words, no begging, no pleading, no repeated attempts to reason with him or escape from him, just one blocked swing and a Look.
And there's still people who think he'd want to "give team cap a piece of his mind", or would've still been on Tony's team had he not been kidnapped, blackmailed and lied to about why he was there.
Peter could not be more Steve coded if he tried and we had five movies trying to shove "Peter is Tony's mini-me" down our throats just because Peter's a genius. One trait shared with Tony does not make him like him, he's Iron Man's antithesis by the end of NWH. I'll be so mad if Spider-Man 4 is another of the same, or even worse acts like May's loss isn't as big of a deal to Peter as that man.
I, for one, really appreciated the fact that No Way Home leaned more into *Aunt May's* influence over Peter than anything to do with T*ny Stark. She is the one who teaches him about the reasponsibilites of power. She is the one who influences him to do good, no matter the cost and put others first. Oh they tried to put the incipient IM influence there with Happy but he's hardly really in the movie.
May is the one who is really the driving force, and she's wonderful because is *her* morality that Peter follows. Even that scene where Peter fights Green Goblin really shows this, like you say.
Tony tried to murder Bucky in "revenge" for his parents and as a means of hurting Steve. Despite the fact that his father was an absolute ass. And unlike Peter, who is a mere teenager, Tony was already an adult when his parents died: he'd also had 25 years to come to terms with their death by the time of CA: CW.
Peter hadn't even had *one day*: yet all it took for him to choose a better path was Peter 2 blocking a swing, and ... the influence of both their *Aunt May* figures. Within seconds, instead of killing Peter 1 chooses not to kill, and nobody has to disable his suit to stop him.
Furthermore, Zemo made his plans clear in CW. Tony knew what he was doing, but upon realizing Zemo was manipulating him, instead of putting aside his differences with Steve and Bucky for the good- he chose to act on his desire for violence. Peter 1, on the other hand, when it came to it chose to listen to the voice of his conscience and his moral compass.
The fundamental difference for me is that for T*ny it was about himself: he wanted to punish Cap for "taking someone from him". Whereas with Peter... it was about others. He used mercy to get rid of Goblin and bring back Norman Osborn. Not violence. He did what May would have wanted him to do: heal all the villains and send them home. Including her killer.
Tony would just have killed them, and would never have allowed Strange to do the spell which made everyone forget him.